@LRRRonEarth@beige.party
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LRRRonEarth

@LRRRonEarth@beige.party

I AM LRRR, FUTURE CONQUEROR OF YOUR PLANET. STRANDED IN AMERICA SINCE 2023. OMICRON MALE. KEYNOTE SPEAKER. PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL. HE/HIM. TRAHR. BLM. HEEL. BELOVED MICRO-CELEBRITY. CONNECTIONS TO FUTURAMA CANON ARE TENUOUS AT BEST. I DO ALL-CAPS AND CARTOON VIOLENCE AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE ME. I AM UNHINGED.

NOT AN OFFICIAL ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING. DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

TOOTS POSTED BY MY HUMAN GHOSTWRITER AGAINST HIS WILL.

I'M LIKE IF CALVIN'S DAD HAD A BLOODTHIRSTY IMAGINARY ALIEN MONSTER HOBBES.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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FOUND SOMEWHERE:

LRRRonEarth, to random
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WHEN ERIC CARLE'S COPYRIGHT RUNS OUT, WE ARE GOING TO SEE SOME WILD SHIT:

LRRRonEarth, to random
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THERE'S A SPECTER HAUNTING THIS AUTOZONE

LRRRonEarth, to random
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YOUR DAY COULD PROBABLY BE WORSE:

LRRRonEarth, to random
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I PLAYED DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT. I TRIED TO KILL A TREE. THE TREE WON. IT WAS NICE.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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HUMAN GHOSTWRITER'S MOM USED TO STRUGGLE WITH USING "THEY/THEM" PRONOUNS, BUT TODAY SHE SAID SHE JUST IMAGINES THAT PEOPLE WHO USE THOSE PRONOUNS ARE ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY A FRIENDLY MOUSE IN A TINY BASEBALL CAP AND THAT THIS MAKES IT EASIER FOR HER TO GET IT RIGHT AND IT MAKES HER SMILE. I HAVE NO NOTES.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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THIS IS A PRETTY HARD TIME FOR YOUR REPUBLICAN FAMILY MEMBERS. KICK 'EM WHILE THEY'RE DOWN. CALL YOUR UNCLE A BABY. ASK HIM IF HE'S GONNA CRY.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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THE TIRESOME UNWIPED BUTTCRACKERY EMBODIED IN THE CURRENT A.I. MANIA RAISES IMPORTANT QUESTIONS, LIKE "WHY SHOULD WE NOT JUST DROWN ITS LOUDEST BILLIONAIRE PROPONENTS IN TOILET WATER?" AND "HOW MUCH ECOLOGICALLY DESTRUCTIVE SOLUTIONISM SHOULD SOCIETY ACCEPT BEFORE RESORTING TO CANNIBALISM?"

LRRRonEarth, to random
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WALKING OUT OF THE GROCERY STORE WITH MY MASK ON, AND AN OLD MAN WALKING PAST ME SAYS "AINTCHA HEARD? WAR'S OVER. WE FUCKIN' LOST." THEN HE PUT ON HIS MASK AND WENT INSIDE.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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WE DESERVE A SOCIETY THAT CAN RESPOND TO CLIMATE CHANGE.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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#CATURDAY

WE GOT A CAT! LIKE, 20 MINUTES AGO.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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YOU CAN REPLY TO MOST LINKEDIN POSTS WITH "DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!?!?!"

LRRRonEarth, to random
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IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE I'VE ALREADY BEEN ON THE FEDIVERSE FOR A YEAR. ONLY 999 TO GO UNTIL MY DISTRESS SIGNAL REACHES OMICRON PERSEI 8.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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Ooc: the worst thing that happened to my poppler today was that he had to sit on the toilet when he didn't want to. He's three. He has a speech impediment and long blond hair and my wife's eyes. He is fundamentally silly. He's tall for his age and he can count past 100 (this week, he told me he can't stop counting because "numbers go to infinity!"). He likes to fall asleep holding someone's hand.

You can imagine the worst things that have happened to three-year-olds in Gaza. You don't want to. But you can. Tiny bodies shattered by bombs made in a congressional district you live in, or have at least driven through. Little hands blown off by Israeli soldiers who will celebrate with dances on TikTok. Futures swallowed by the unholy monstrousness of war. Loved ones who will never come back. Hunger that will last for a lifetime. Thirst that cannot be quenched. Tears that dead parents cannot wipe away. Dreams that will never come. Hands that will never be held.

Today, potty training was the worst thing that happened to my son. He might have a tummy ache from his potty-incentive chocolate chips. And he will fall asleep holding my hand. He will never be the object of extermination. And yet, despite myself, I will cry and I will imagine. I must imagine.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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WHY DOES NOT SANTA CLAUS SIMPLY USE HIS SUPERIOR SURVEILLANCE AND LOGISTICS TECHNOLOGY TO LAY WASTE TO HUMANITY AND EXPLOIT EARTH'S REMAINING RESOURCES?

LRRRonEarth, to random
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THE SANITIZED LANGUAGE OF DESTRUCTION IS HORRIFYING. I LIVE IN A CITY THAT "ABATES" (READ: LOOTS AND DESTROYS) HOMELESS ENCAMPMENTS.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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WHY DOES NOT JON, THE LARGER OF THE TWO LIFEFORMS, NOT SIMPLY KILL AND EAT GARFIELD?

LRRRonEarth, to random
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LAST CHANCE TO BINGE SONGS TO MAKE YOUR SPOTIFY WRAPPED PLAYLIST LOOK LESS STUPID.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT WAYS TO ABUSE NEURALINK PATIENTS:

  1. IMPLANT MEMORIES OF BETRAYAL.
  2. CHOREOGRAPH SONG AND DANCE WITH DOZENS OF OTHER PATIENTS.
  3. BOWEL CONTROL RANSOMWARE.
  4. UPGRADE TO WHATEVER LINUX IS.
  5. SPEEDRUN THEM THROUGH A GAME OF ROY WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING.
  6. SEND THEM TO LITERAL SUBJECTIVE HELL.
  7. OVERRIDE RIGHT-HANDEDNESS.
  8. BANK TRANSFERS.
  9. "STOP HITTING YOURSELF," BUT... DARKER.
  10. REENACT "CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND."
LRRRonEarth, to random
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THIS IS WHAT I EXPECT FROM ALL GOOD MEDIA:

LRRRonEarth, to random
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I WILL HUNT DOWN THE GIANT WEENIE AND GORGE MYSELF ON THE PUREED ORGAN MEATS WITHIN OR DIE TRYING:

LRRRonEarth, to random
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I HAD THAT NIGHTMARE AGAIN:

LRRRonEarth, to random
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I AM SO TIRED OF BEING OUTRAGED. JUST LET ME EAT ELON SO THIS SILLY CHARADE CAN END.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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I DONT KNOW MUCH, BUT I DO KNOW THAT THE GOOD PEOPLE DON'T HUNT DOWN AID WORKERS AND MURDER THEM.

LRRRonEarth,
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BEFORE THIS TOOT ATTRACTS THE EXACT WRONG KIND OF COMMENT:

  1. HAMAS COMMITTED ATROCITIES ON 10/7. THE PERPETRATORS OF THOSE ATROCITIES SHOULD BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE.

  2. COLLECTIVE PUNISHMENT OF INNOCENTS IS THE OPPOSITE OF JUSTICE.

  3. THE TARGETED KILLINGS OF JOURNALISTS, DOCTORS, AND AID WORKERS ARE ATROCITIES. THE PERPETRATORS OF THOSE ATROCITIES SHOULD BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE.

  4. YOU CANNOT ACHIEVE JUSTICE THROUGH ATROCITIES.

  5. LITERALLY MY ONLY POSITION IS THAT HUMANS SHOULD NOT CAUSE OTHER HUMANS TO SUFFER. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY JOB.

LRRRonEarth, to random
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ADDING "BEFORE:2023" TO GOOGLE SEARCHES MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'VE TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO WHEN THE INTERNET WORKED.

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