@LRRRonEarth@beige.party
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

LRRRonEarth

@LRRRonEarth@beige.party

I AM LRRR, FUTURE CONQUEROR OF YOUR PLANET. STRANDED IN AMERICA SINCE 2023. OMICRON MALE. KEYNOTE SPEAKER. PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL. HE/HIM. TRAHR. BLM. HEEL. BELOVED MICRO-CELEBRITY. CONNECTIONS TO CANON ARE TENUOUS AT BEST. ALL-CAPS AND CARTOON VIOLENCE AWAIT.

NOT AN OFFICIAL ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING. DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

TOOTS POSTED BY MY HUMAN GHOSTWRITER AGAINST HIS WILL.

I'M LIKE IF CALVIN'S DAD HAD A BLOODTHIRSTY IMAGINARY ALIEN MONSTER HOBBES.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

the_etrain, to random
@the_etrain@beige.party avatar

I don't know the story of St. Patrick. So, I made up a story in my mind about how he built a potato alarm clock, which allowed him to wake up in time to save Ireland or something. That's what I celebrate every year.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@the_etrain HE WOULD BE SO PROUD.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

PAINTING "TERF CLUB" ON A UTILITY CLOSET DOOR, HIDING INSIDE WITH A BIB AND HONEY MUSTARD, AND EATING ANYONE WHO ENTERS.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

I AM A FULLY HETEROSEXUAL CISGENDER MAN AND A MILITANT DEFENDER OF MY TRANS HOMIES. LIKE IF BATMAN WAS BROKE, A DEDICATED ALLY, BELIEVED IN KILLING AND EATING BAD GUYS, WASN'T A COP, AND DIDN'T WATCH HIS PARENTS GET SHOT.

I AM, IN FACT, NOT AT ALL LIKE BATMAN. BUT IF YOU DRAW A COMIC OF ME RISING OUT OF THE SWAMP TO DEFEND TRANS PEOPLE FROM SHITHEADS OR TO FEND OFF ATTACKERS, THAT'S AUTOMATICALLY CANON.

tayfonay, to random
@tayfonay@beige.party avatar

So the Oracle of Kevin Bacon website is still up and guess what @LRRRonEarth is 3 degrees from KB. I’m not sure what this means.

His voiceover slave Maurice LaMarche is 2:

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@tayfonay THIS DOESN'T EVEN COUNT THE TIME I MISTOOK HIM FOR GARY COLE AND TRIED TO RUN HIM OVER WITH MY HOVERCAR!

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

THE ROAD TO FLAVORTOWN IS LITTERED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

MAYBE THE REAL ADVENTURE WAS THE SAUCES WE PUT ON FLIP FLOPS ALONG THE WAY.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

FOR THE SAKE OF PANDERING TO YOU NAKED APES AND UNDERSTANDING THE WAYS YOUR BODIES BREAK, I WILL RELUCTANTLY PROVIDE COMMENTARY FOR A SPORTING EVENT.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

WHICH EARTH SPORT MOST CLOSELY RESEMBLES DEATH BALL?

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

SOCCER IMPRESSES ME THE MOST, ON ACCOUNT OF THE GRATUITOUS SPRINTING AND THE OCCASIONAL BONE SHATTERING. AUSSIE RULES FOOTBALL FEELS LIKE CALVINBALL. GRIDIRON FOOTBALL BORES THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT HOCKEY.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

BEIGE PARTIERS: AS THE RESIDENT HULK AND MORAL CENTER OF OUR INSTANCE, I AM WORRIED ABOUT WHAT FEELS TO ME LIKE AN INFLUX OF MEANNESS INTO THE FEDIVERSE. WE MUST RALLY TOGETHER. ACCORDINGLY, I THINK THE TIME HAS COME TO PLAN OUR NEXT CONVENTION. MY VOTE IS FOR A LUAU-THEMED GATHERING AT THE ISLAND VOLCANO IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE THAT IS SHAPED LIKE A GIANT SKULL.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

THERE WILL BE LOTS OF AIR MATTRESSES AND TWO BARRELS OF PERSONAL LUBRICANT. OBVIOUSLY.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@morecowbell

THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS. WE'RE VERY CERTAINLY DEFINITELY NOT A CULT.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

IT'S NOT OC, BUT DAMN IT IT'S QUALITY SHIT:

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR "YOUR STUPID JOKE ENDORSES SECRET POLICE AND TOTALITARIANISM! FEEL BAD" COMMENTS. TRULY, GO FUCK YOURSELF. EAT SHIT. DIE. LEAVE ME ALONE.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

MY ONLY GOALS ARE TO BUILD A GIANT LASER, KILL ALL HUMANS, AND MAKE PEOPLE I'VE NEVER MET BEFORE LAUGH. AND WHEN THE MOST SANCTIMONIOUS AND USELESS ANARCHIST ON THE PLANET THINKS THAT A BARBIE MEME ABOUT LENINISM IS PROOF THAT I AM THE ENEMY, IT KILLS MY BONER AND REMINDS ME WHY I ABANDONED THE OTHER SOCIAL MEDIUMS.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

DOES IT HELP IF I SAY I’M NOT A LENINIST?

I'M AN OMICRONIAN. I WANT TO DESTROY ALL OF YOUR INSTITUTIONS, KILL ALMOST EVERYONE, AND TURN YOUR PLANET INTO A MINE WITH A GIANT LASER ON IT.

EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF MY FELLOW OMICRONIANS, WHO ARE MY BROODMATES AND MY BRETHREN. THEY ENTRUST ME WITH THE TERRIBLE RESPONSIBILITY OF DECIDING WHERE THEY WILL KILL FOR GLORY AND DIE FOR HONOR; WE ARE EQUAL IN EVERYTHING WE CAN BE, AND CHERISHED FOR EVERYTHING WE CANNOT BE.

WHERE THAT FITS IN THE SPECTRUM OF LEFT POLITICS, I CAN'T SAY. FULLY AUTOMATED LUXURY GAY SPACE COMMUNISM FOR US, SUCKING AND DYING FOR ALL OF YOU.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@boby_biq IMAGINE SEEING THIS DOPEY MEME AND THINKING, "AH! A BONA FIDE LENINIST! I MUST SAVE THE INTERNET FROM HIM!"
TOTAL CLOWN.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

THE BEST ACRE OF GROUND ON MARS IS WORSE THAN THE WORST ACRE OF GROUND ON EARTH. IT'S A HELL HOLE. WHY, EXACTLY, DO YOU WANT TO COLONIZE THAT MISERABLE ASS WORLD?

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

LEAP DAY CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING:

https://youtu.be/XhzpxjuwZy0

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

ALLIES ARE INHERENTLY UNRELIABLE. THEIR INTERESTS ARE, AT BEST, CONDITIONALLY ALIGNED WITH YOURS. THE WHITE MODERATES WITH THE "LOVE IS LOVE" YARD SIGNS LIKE MY TOOTS, BUT WHEN IT COMES TIME TO BUILD MY LASER, WHERE WILL THEY BE? WILL THEY STRIP THE COPPER OUT OF THEIR HOMES TO FACILITATE CONSTRUCTION? OR WILL THEY ABANDON ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED?

I'M NOT PERFECT, BUT FROM WHERE I SIT, THE RICH AND POWERFUL OF EARTH ARE THE ONES STANDING BETWEEN ME AND MY GLORIOUS DEATH RAY. I ABHOR INTRA-SPECIES INEQUALITY AND PROMISE TO USE THE AWESOME, TERRIBLE POWER OF MY GIGANTIC LASER TO TEAR DOWN THE DIVISIONS THAT IMMISERATE AND SUBJUGATE SO MANY ON YOUR PLANET. YOU WILL ALL WEAR THE OMICRONIAN YOKE AND BEAR THE SAME BURDENS.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@mivox YOU SHALL RUN MY PROCUREMENT DIVISION!

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

BUILDING THE LASER WILL CREATE ALMOST AS MANY JOBS AS IT DESTROYS. THOSE WHO SURVIVE CONSTRUCTION WILL PROSPER.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

THIS LRRR, RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8, GUY IS TALKING A LOT OF SENSE:

#LRRR2024
#BUILDTHELASER

courtcan, to random
@courtcan@mastodon.social avatar

Me talking to my kid about the '80s and '90s is like my parents talking to me about the '40s and '50s.

SIGH

#OldPersonToot

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@courtcan JUST IMAGINE ENCOUNTERING HAIR METAL AND GANGSTA RAP WITH THE SAME TIME GAP THAT WE HAD FOR, LIKE, DOO WOP.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

WHO DO YOU WANT RUNNING YOUR COUNTRY, A FLAWED HUMAN WHO LEANS HEAVILY ON INSTITUTIONAL EXPERTISE TO MINIMIZE HIS PERSONAL SHORTCOMINGS, OR ME, A CHARISMATIC TOTALITARIAN WITH UTTER CONTEMPT FOR HUMAN LIFE WHO WILL BUILD THE LASER AND SOLVE YOUR SPECIFIC PROBLEM OR WHATEVER?

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

"BUILD THE LASER" IS OUR RALLYING CRY. MOOSE COP IS MY RUNNING MATE.

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