MamasPinkyToe

MamasPinkyToe, 6 months ago to random

Do not marry a thermostat terrorist.

MamasPinkyToe, 1 year ago to random

Are you man enough to drive a truck featuring a logo of the female reproductive system?

MamasPinkyToe, 7 months ago to random

If you run toward someone while they're taking your picture, you will look skinnier because of the Doppler effect.

MamasPinkyToe, 5 months ago to random

Goodbye, 2023, hello, "Steamboat Willie" porn

MamasPinkyToe, 5 months ago to random

I take a breath, I remind myself their house is going to smell different, and I ring the doorbell.

MamasPinkyToe, 8 months ago to random

It's what they call a Canadian centaur. Half man, half moose.

MamasPinkyToe, 8 months ago to random

Yes, Mr. Website, I accept all cookies. I have always accepted all cookies.

MamasPinkyToe, 7 days ago to random

We could rotate the grate so that its bars are perpendicular to a bicyclist's direction of travel, thus solving the problem, or--hear me out--we could post a sign illustrating the problem.

MamasPinkyToe, 1 month ago to random

There's nothing like a Rolex to say I'm a rich guy with a hairy arm.

MamasPinkyToe, 4 months ago to random

My desk is crowded with junk, or as my cat calls it, a target-rich environment.

MamasPinkyToe, 4 months ago to random

You've gotta to be pretty rugged to join our gang. They don't call us the Pale Pastels for nothing.

MamasPinkyToe, 5 months ago to random

Pin the tail on the donkey is OK for regular children, but our children are Montessori children. They play pin the eyebrow on Frida Kahlo.

MamasPinkyToe, 5 months ago to random

You cannot have a pet burrito. You will just microwave and eat your pet.

MamasPinkyToe, 5 months ago to random

I'm not supposed to say this, but our Christmas ham is actually just leftover Festivus ham.

MamasPinkyToe, 9 months ago to random

I don't want to say you got ripped off, but these French postcards you traded for? They're all mimes.

MamasPinkyToe, 6 months ago to random

Stellantis is not the name of a car company. Stellantis is the name of a space station where things start to go wrong.

MamasPinkyToe, 9 months ago to random

Does your event offer more enjoyment than licking brownie batter off a wooden spoon? If not, I will not be able to attend.

MamasPinkyToe, 1 month ago to random

New plan: become the Georgia O'Keeffe of sliced ham

MamasPinkyToe, 1 month ago to random

Everything is cake.
The cake is a lie.
Everything is a lie.

MamasPinkyToe, 10 months ago to random

[Mitch McConnell joke]

MamasPinkyToe, 4 months ago to random

I'm trying to decide if Peeing Calvin has a bladder problem, a kidney problem, or a psychiatric problem.

MamasPinkyToe, 9 months ago to random

Your gift of one million dollars or more could change my life.

MamasPinkyToe, 6 months ago to random

How many cats do I have? All of them. I have all the cats. Now mind your own damn business.

MamasPinkyToe, 6 months ago to random

I would like an army of flying monkeys. I would use it mostly for good.

MamasPinkyToe, 8 months ago to random

I just did a Venn diagram of "swingers" and "retired RV enthusiasts" and---OH MY GOD! MY EYES!