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MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

I'm doing the "stepping over dead bodies" workout. In preparation for Everest.

asbestos,
@asbestos@toot.community avatar

@MamasPinkyToe
Remember, every dead body on Everest was a highly motivated individual

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

We could rotate the grate so that its bars are perpendicular to a bicyclist's direction of travel, thus solving the problem, or--hear me out--we could post a sign illustrating the problem.

futurebird,
@futurebird@sauropods.win avatar

@MamasPinkyToe
Granted it's an amusing and evocative sign.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

Boner pills for dogs are just like regular boner pills except they're liver-flavored.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

I ate a whole pepperoni pizza, but I drank ice water, so it's OK.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

Nobody's ever shot someone with a gummy.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

"Chief cook and bottle washer" is actually a sexual euphemism.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

If anybody needs me, I'll be out back with my Theremin, vibing with the cicadas.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

Melania's happy place is not having sex with Donald.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

You've had your fun, fellas. Now give me back my gerbil.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

Most children can be replaced by meerkats.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

When the news is about Georgia enacting "a new law that sets back democracy," you have to stay tuned to learn if it's Eurasian Georgia or y'all Georgia.

cynblogger,
@cynblogger@sfba.social avatar

@MamasPinkyToe
The clue is that “parliament” is used in most news reports.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

Millie Bobby Brown needs just one more name to really put her over the top.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

I would like to find Jesus's tomb and turn it into an insanely profitable Airbnb.

MamasPinkyToe,
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar
  • Do you promise to roll back the rock after three days?
  • Yes. That's included in the price.
qurlyjoe,
@qurlyjoe@mstdn.social avatar

@MamasPinkyToe
I had this cartoon over my desk for over 20 years.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

Between the two of us, Taylor Swift and I have won literally hundreds of awards.

MamasPinkyToe, to random
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world avatar

New plan: become the Georgia O'Keeffe of sliced ham

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