@Alice@beige.party
@Alice@beige.party avatar

Alice

@Alice@beige.party

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Photos on Pixelfed: @Alice

♾️

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RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

America: You need to have health insurance!

Me: Cool, that makes sense, but it's going to cover my whole body, right?

America: Depends, do you use your teeth and eyes?

HunkThunderzone, to random
@HunkThunderzone@beige.party avatar

Why do people think the period is angry punctuation?
It's just ending a thought so you know where the next one begins.

Alice, (edited )
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@HunkThunderzone I get more upset when people end messages with an ellipsis.

OK...

I get even more upset when it has MORE than three dots.

Okay....

I get even more upset when they write "Ok" instead of OK or okay.

rephlex00, to random
@rephlex00@beige.party avatar

The bluest Florida will ever be is when it’s submerged under the ocean.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Gummi Worms are probably the best kind of worms I've eaten.

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

As a token of honor and respect for our fallen heroes, I'll be going hard on some bottomless mimosas at Memorial Day brunch.

rockmastermike,
@rockmastermike@mastodon.social avatar

@Alice and in the same spirit I will be going bottomless on some hard mimosas at Memorial Day Brunch

LibertyForward1, to random
@LibertyForward1@beige.party avatar

it's a good thing E.T. took place in the modern era; the phrase "E.T. telegraph. home!" just doesn't have the same ring to it

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@LibertyForward1 E.T. text home.

Alice, to random
Alice,

I think I like the rotated version better.

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

ATTN: If you plan to attend the Mastodon meetup at the Tampa Marriott this weekend and you are a VIP attendee, please ensure you bring your official VIP lanyard or else you risk being denied access to the VIP soup bar.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@GGMcBG I’m definitely not presenting the seminar on NOT boosting your own jokes.

LRRRonEarth,
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

@Alice @rockmastermike

I DID CUM LIKE A WRECKING BALL, THOUGH.

Alice, (edited ) to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

If you're smart enough to know when to use who vs. whom, you should also be smart enough to understand how they/them are used as pronouns.

Oh, that's right. This isn't about intelligence, it's about human decency.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@pattykimura Exactly! And these are the same people who have no problem saying "they are" when referring to general topics.

Example:
When is the plumber coming?
They are coming at 1pm.

Did you give the paperwork to the lawyer?
Yes, I gave the paperwork to them.

They already use they/them for individuals without issue, but they become resistant the moment it has to do with respecting pronouns.

LRRRonEarth, to random
@LRRRonEarth@beige.party avatar

TRANSITIONING MOST OF MY LISTENING FROM SPOTIFY TO TIDAL, BUT STAYING ON SPOTIFY TO SHORT-CHANGE PROBLEMATIC ARTISTS.

josephthomas, to random
@josephthomas@beige.party avatar

Ugh, stuck behind Samuel and Mary Ann Alito in traffic today.

the_etrain, to random
@the_etrain@beige.party avatar

Sup girl? Oh nothing. Just kicking nasty thoughts on 1-900-MIX-A-LOT. You know me.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

The most ridiculous thing about cop procedural shows is when they ask where a person was, and what they were doing at a specific time the person always has perfect and immediate recall. I'd be desperately trying to remember what day of the week that was, and trying to open my phone calendar. If I was the cop, I'd immediately be suspicious of the person who remembered exactly where they were and what they were doing.

coffeepine, to random
@coffeepine@beige.party avatar

Just saw a post urging Americans to "Vote Blue" if they don't want violence at their protest camps.

double-checks party affiliation of current US president who is in charge of violence in protest camps

blinks slowly

Uhmmm....

Alice, (edited )
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@coffeepine The example in that post is terrible, but this is a serious matter in the United States.

We only have two possible candidates for election. Biden OR Trump.

Nobody wants either, but any vote not for Biden is a vote for Trump and that is definitely the worst outcome.

Nobody is excited or happy, but the most important thing is to ensure that our votes legitimately count as a vote against Trump.

As a result, Biden it is.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@coffeepine We're definitely angry, but this is our reality and we have to act responsibly in this election to ensure Trump doesn't win, so that means voting for Biden.

We already had this happen in the 2000 election when Al Gore and Bush Jr. were running and a bunch of people with good intentions voted for Nader, but that meant what likely would have been Gore votes were then split and pushed to Nader which resulted in Bush winning the election.

We've all been here before and it's VERY important that people vote for Biden to ensure that doesn't happen all over again.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

It's so weird that we are all supposed to be ashamed for burping and farting. I deeply apologize to everyone for keeping my body from literally exploding, so uncouth.

StefanThinks, to random
@StefanThinks@beige.party avatar

Look, you might disagree with my methods, but I do things the easy way, not the right way.

rephlex00, to random
@rephlex00@beige.party avatar

You’ve probably heard of selective hearing, but have you heard of selective talking?

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Listen, the Victorians had their issues, but pussy and cunt are boring, give me Mossy Mound and Cave of Unimaginable Delights any day.

the_etrain, to random
@the_etrain@beige.party avatar

Whoa buddy. It's a bio, not a confessional booth.

elverkonge, to random
@elverkonge@beige.party avatar

Every time I type my password wrong (i.e. every other day) I am sure I got fired for the 10 seconds to redo it.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Just a reminder, if you're in a state without access to abortion, there is a network of care, providing safe, effective, and free abortion pills and information.

www.redstateaccess.com

josephthomas, to random
@josephthomas@beige.party avatar

We are rapidly approaching the most lucrative time of year for both Hallmark and the adult film industry: Dads and Grads season.

LikeItOrLumpIt, to random
@LikeItOrLumpIt@mstdn.social avatar

Received a very cool cache of things from my friend @Alice in the mail, for helping out a friend of a friend. Makes me smile. Thanks so much!! Sorry for taking so long to check my PO Box.

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