Having severe imposter syndrome feelings when thinking back at my #adhd assessment session
I got to partake in my mum's view of my childhood (currently the only other viewpoint).
Her take; I was severely abused by my dad (Mostly verbally, slight physical) and that the trauma from that is what's causing the symptoms I describe as ADHD
Can an abusive parent cause #trauma/ #ptsd that perfectly mimics things like not being able to focus, misplacing valuables or having a terrible sense of time etc?
Although my abusive father left me with a lack of self-esteem, these symptoms feels like they've been with me from the start (although, chances of finding proof of that is very unlikely because of how far back it is, like documents)
I'm seeking help from people that got more experience of these things than myself. I have no idea what to believe anymore 😞 Is it ADHD? Trauma? PTSD? Just some severe anxiety issues? And ultimately; how do you tell them apart if they all seem to overlap?
Feel free to boost, and thank you in advance 🧡 I'm hoping I can be a bit more cheerful in the future, but these things are just too much for me atm
Finishing up The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma this week. I started this in July and set it down when we got back home from the cabin. I think it's time I get back to it.
As I write my next book about my experience of having worked 17 years in retail and the PTSD effects from it, I'm shocked to see the number of people online who describe the exact same weekly nightmare I have that I open the book with.
@ai6yr@BakerRL75 Toward the end of the article it says that #PTSD correlates with developing dementia later in life. There is a link to a study done on Vietnam War veterans.
It would be interesting to find out if the correlation holds for people with PTSD from other types of traumatic events, including wildfires.
“the #HeatDome was a foreshock of the world to come, with impacts both immediate and long-lasting. Yet it occurred in a world that has only warmed, on average, about 1.2 degrees since 1850. We’re now racing to 1.5 degrees and are likely to cross that threshold by the mid-2030s.” #ClimateCrisishttps://mastodon.social/@ryanschultz/110906759659640682
@mcc would love a simple way to dim LEDs! At night, LEDs on various devices in the house can light up the room and feel like car headlights. To be fair, I have #PTSD and light sensitivity is a known symptom, so maybe the problem is in me and not the LEDs.
Lyft driver last night decided to tell me his life story. The guy was more than a bit unhinged, so I just let him talk.
Veteran, tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Starts talking about his domestic violence towards his ex-wife and children, laughing about how he had only jokingly threatened to break his children's legs, and when he stabbed his wife in the arm with a wire, it wasn't really a stabbing.
"I told the judge, if I had wanted to stab her, she'd be dead."
Complains in great detail about all the money she took from him, his prison time for the assault, and describes with glee hiding his assets in his vintage car. "New chrome, new hood, new tires - bitch wasn't gonna see that money!"
Continues on about how his new girl came from Iraq and knows what a war zone is like. Brags that he'll send her back if she doesn't marry him. Turns out he's never seen her in person, but has sent her over $7k through some online hookup site that charges per message. Goes off on how he helped her move from Canada to Chicago (we're in California), and complains about how each time he sends her money to come out west, she never shows up.
"I've bought the tux, the wedding dress - it's all ready to go - it's that or Iraq."
Note that all of this was punctuated with constant bouts of chuckling and provided completely unprompted - I said maybe three words the entire trip.
Why do I relate this story? First, it was watching bad karma in action, both the fuck around and find out phases wrapped up in a tidy taxi ride.
But I found myself wondering what he was like as a child... he was clearly struggling in the smarts department, but he had a natural friendliness that belied the horrible shit coming out of his mouth. It got me thinking to what this guy might have been like had the army not put a gun in his hand and sent him overseas to kill. He was in his forties, but his mind was that of a violent teenager - almost as if it had been frozen at the point in time when he was deployed.
I speak about this because I've seen the same pattern in other vets I've known, including some I went to high school with (1st Gulf War vets). Something gets permanently broken in them, keeping them in a state of constant angry adolescence that takes childish glee in abuse, cruelty and savagery as a way to normalize their experience.
And then they come home, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake as they try to integrate to a peacetime existence, unable to grow up, Peter Pan with a gun in hand.
I wish someone had made this clear to my friends who joined up. There's more than one of them who's too dangerous to be a friend to now.
Ok I lied a little. There's one more #demo that I'm not embarrassed to share. During writing, this #song started out as me crooning over this sort of sliding, gentle shuffle groove, and over the years as I played it, the see-saw groove turned into anxious, out of tune strikes, and I just decided to keep it that way. I guess. Oh well no second guessing now!
My favorite part of this one is the middle eight. It was just a lot of fun to play and sing.
Edgar took a tumble in the big earthquake. I was in Houston Middle School when it hit. I thought he'd forever be a monument to the disaster but this week I felt moved to repair what I could. Any progress is good progress, even five years later. #progress#PTSD#Alaska
There are many large and #serious#problems in the world. Many people are victimized by the #system in a thousand different ways. This is not their story; it is not about their problems, but this should not be seen as minimizing them.
I'd like to talk about something a little closer to home: #employee#abuse in the #tech field. I've been in this field for <mumble> years and worked for tiny companies, medium consulting companies, large orgs, and as a one-man independent contractor.
@mekkaokereke
Hell, I'm whiter than mayo in a blizzard, come from a privileged SES, and I don't trust police either. The one time I really needed them to come through for me, they did fuck-all to protect me and that situation left me with #ptsd#cptsd . Apparently they'd rather brutalize minorities than help traumatized children, even 20 years ago.
Psychedelic treatment for mental health: Will Israel embrace the Australian approach?
Australia permitted psychiatrists to prescribe ecstasy and psilocybin mushrooms for the treatment of depression and PTSD, raising a heated debate: Is this safe? Who is it suitable for? What are the implications? And what are the chances of this being approved in Israel next?
My #Canadian#firearms possession & acquisition licence (#PAL) has been processing for over 6 months. The team processing my application needed to ask me additional questions as I had mentioned having had mild #PTSD on my application. As a #veteran who has lost mates to #suicide, I appreciate the diligence of the firearms officers. Waiting an extra few months for my PAL is a small price to pay to help ensure my mates are safe.
Today I discovered that not only is July #Disability Pride Month but also that we have a flag. It is so well done and extremely meaningful. It was created by Ann Magill, a disabled writer.
The entire thing will not fit into the thumbnail but if you open the image, it will tell you what each color and flag feature stands for. It is also in the alt text if you are unable to open it.