JonBaker

JonBaker, 3 months ago to random

THERAPIST: Tiny Legs Michael Jackson isn’t real. He can’t hurt you

TINY LEGS MICHAEL JACKSON:

JonBaker, 17 days ago to random

GOOGLE 2004: Don’t be evil

GOOGLE 2024: Don’t be useful

JonBaker, 8 months ago to random

Oh cool this store has an America aisle

JonBaker, 8 months ago to random

INTERNET DIRECTORY MAP

YOU ARE HERE ★

JonBaker, 7 months ago to random

I have no idea who is responsible for this, but hang this shit up next to the Mona Lisa

JonBaker, 5 months ago to random

Jingle Bell Rock implies the existence of Jingle Bell Paper and Jingle Bell Scissors

JonBaker, 6 months ago to random

The least believable part of A Christmas Carol is not the ghosts that visit Scrooge, it’s the idea that rich people can be peer pressured into being decent human beings

JonBaker, 1 month ago to random

Me, all day every day:

JonBaker, 7 months ago to random

Jazz Hands implies the existence of significantly more aggressive Death Metal Hands

JonBaker, 7 months ago to random

I think one thing that gets overlooked about The Devil Went Down To Georgia is the Devil went down to Georgia

Implying Georgia is below hell

JonBaker, 9 months ago to random

Look, doctors don’t want you to know this, but if you get access to one of those hospital computers and punch in the Konami Code you get 30 lives

JonBaker, 5 months ago to random

“We already have 2024 at home”

THE 2024 AT HOME:

JonBaker, 5 months ago to random

SATAN: Welcome to hell!

ME: Where’re all the people who were telling me I was headed here? I kind of expected them to greet me as like an “I told you so”

SATAN: Oh they’re all in heaven. Together

ME: God, that sounds insufferable

SATAN: It is! Anyway, it’s open bar so go nuts

JonBaker, 7 months ago to random

One thing they never tell you about corn mazes: there’s no corn at the end of it

Turns out the real corn was the corn you found along the way

JonBaker, 8 months ago to random

Not enough is said about the entrance Dorothy makes in the Wizard of Oz

She drops an entire house on a bitch, killing her, and like a whole city of random people just kinda show up and start singing about how dope that was

JonBaker, 9 months ago to random

RIP Bob Barker, the only man to ever publicly punch Adam Sandler in the face and not get arrested for it

A true legend

Bob Barker punching the camera from Happy Gilmore. The Price is Right, bitch

JonBaker, 6 months ago to random

Pikachu gonna be your stepdad

JonBaker, 4 months ago to random

REMINDER: The world is full of magic

JonBaker, 5 months ago to random

MOVIE IDEA: Tim Allen’s Santa Claus is delivering presents to kids in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, only to be mauled to death by a bear

The bear happens to put on the coat and then has to deliver the rest of the presents

It’s called “Santa Claws” and it’s a horror/thriller

JonBaker, 3 months ago to random

I’m built different

Not necessarily better, mind you. Just different. Weirder.

JonBaker, 3 months ago to random

All of these true crime podcasts, not one of them featuring a killer whale

It’s because they’re absolute fucking professionals that don’t leave evidence

JonBaker, 6 months ago to random

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet

JonBaker, 1 month ago to random

Instead of making lemonade have we considered bombing the lemon factory?

JonBaker, 6 months ago to random

Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth about a fortune cookie’s worth of text

JonBaker, 7 days ago to random

“It’s too early for this shit”

• Me, at literally every point in time, regardless of how early or late it is for any of this shit