b_rain, to Humor German

Die sicherste Methode, um beim Fahrradfahren dafür zu sorgen, dass die Ampel schneller auf grün springt, ist, ein Taschentuch raus zu holen und sich die Nase zu putzen, oder? 🚦
#humor #fahrrad @mastobikes_de

Muellers_Kabinett,
@Muellers_Kabinett@strafpla.net avatar

@b_rain @mastobikes_de nen Schluck aus der Trinkflasche geht auch recht zuverlässig

Flo_Rian,
@Flo_Rian@norden.social avatar

@Muellers_Kabinett @b_rain @mastobikes_de Handy aus der Halterung nehmen soll auch helfen, hab ich gehört. Oder im Winter Handschuhe ausziehen, um den Touchscreen zu bedienen.

TheMetalDog, (edited ) to Humor
@TheMetalDog@mastodon.social avatar

During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands.

Once every few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet:

"Well f#ckin' stop doin' it then ya evil b#stard!"

#Joke #Humor #Funny #U2 #Bono

gnaddrig,
@gnaddrig@mastodon.social avatar

@TheMetalDog Anyway, the most important question is whether they know it's Christmas...

metin, to Quotes
@metin@graphics.social avatar
tshirtman,
@tshirtman@mas.to avatar

@metin a third of the world say they didn't like sunburn anyway, others say we can certainly do without because we have electricity, others start to plan their infinite party night. Musk says he's going to negotiate with the aliens, and go in an offensive costume, drunk and tries to mate with some, when that backfires, he says it's fine, he can rebuild a sun anyway, it's basic physics, we have all that figured out.

bornach,
@bornach@fosstodon.org avatar

@metin
Someone at my makerspace meetup was talking about the critically acclaimed "Three Body Problem", but the moment he started describing the synopsis where humans were making preparations centuries ahead of some existential threat, I just laughed. Humans today have demonstrated they are incapable of planning their own survival merely decades ahead, let alone centuries.

TheMetalDog, to Humor
@TheMetalDog@mastodon.social avatar

O_o

🤘 😎 😂 🤘

Crell, to webdev
@Crell@phpc.social avatar

"You build an integration with the API you have, not the API you wish you had." --Programmer Rumsfeld

chiefgyk3d, to infosec
@chiefgyk3d@social.chiefgyk3d.com avatar

I made this when I was really bored about a decade ago enjoy

video/mp4

hankg, to Humor

If you want proof that how people act on the internet is pretty much the same as it's ever been, back to ARPANET in 1984 no less...

bradford-delong.com/2013/07/ho…

Flux,
@Flux@wandering.shop avatar

@hankg blowhards blow harder.

KydiaMusic, to memes
@KydiaMusic@mastodon.social avatar

This is a pretty good playlist, ngl

msquebanh,
@msquebanh@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

@KydiaMusic Good one 🤣

KydiaMusic,
@KydiaMusic@mastodon.social avatar

@msquebanh

I didn’t make it, but I did confirm it’s a real playlist! 😂

MissPixiePancake, to Humor
@MissPixiePancake@mstdn.social avatar

Planks for beginners.

#Humor #Funny #LOL #Fun #Cat #Cats

mrbruno,
@mrbruno@mstdn.social avatar
mpax, to Jokes
@mpax@mastodon.social avatar

Dad, are we pyromaniacs?

Yes, we arson.

markarayner, to Ravens
@markarayner@mas.to avatar

A raven, diagramming how he's going to murder us all.

tangledwing, to Humor
@tangledwing@ohai.social avatar
isomeme, (edited ) to MusicTheory
@isomeme@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

Conversation over dinner this evening:

Me: The best way to end any song is with a Picardy third.
Partner: What if you're in a major key?
Me' ...Then you just sing "BITCHES!!!" really loud over the last chord.

I wonder what other couples talk about? 🎵🙂💜

tuban_muzuru,
@tuban_muzuru@ohai.social avatar

@isomeme

[1978]

Partner, what's the best way to end any song?

Me: Radio mix, 3 second fadeout, album mix, 5 sec fadeout.

tuban_muzuru,
@tuban_muzuru@ohai.social avatar

@isomeme

I've sung in choirs all my life.

You much imagine a hot summer day in London. Our little family was in Westminster Abbey, waiting for the Evensong service.

It was cool and shadowy as the tourists were shooed away and the worshippers were seated, only a handful of us. The Boy's choristers trooped up to their place. The service commenced, the choir rose.

As they sang, I sat down, put my head against the seat and quietly wept. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

ZhiZhu, to art
@ZhiZhu@newsie.social avatar

"New Yorker editor Françoise Mouly was wrestling with fatigue.

“We are circumspect about publishing any more Trump covers — no one wants to see or hear about him anymore,”...

Yet knowing that a historic was imminent, Mouly and editor David Remnick began sifting through sketched ideas, most of them premised on a verdict."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/2024/06/01/political-cartoons-trump-guilty-verdict/

ZhiZhu,
@ZhiZhu@newsie.social avatar

"Steve Brodner, drawing for the Nation... His illustration depicts Lady toting toward a cell as she says, “Grab him by the law.”

Shortly after the came in, “I began thinking about the tape and how this was, in a way, the ghost of that long-ago tape finally coming home to roost — and having Trump as the one who gets grabbed. And I liked the idea of Lady Justice doing the honors,” said Brodner"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/2024/06/01/political-cartoons-trump-guilty-verdict/

ZhiZhu,
@ZhiZhu@newsie.social avatar

"Matt Davies, the Pulitzer-winning for Newsday...

rendered Trump’s new running mate as a probation officer. “I wanted to avoid seeming gleeful at the . While appeared to be getting his due, it also stirred an uneasiness knowing he and his supporters were just going to treat a legitimate in the same tribal manner they did with the they lost. Which is, of course, grist for another "
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/2024/06/01/political-cartoons-trump-guilty-verdict/

markarayner, to Cat
@markarayner@mas.to avatar

Good morning, sir. Do you have a moment to talk about ?

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