@mardigroan@mas.to
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mardigroan

@mardigroan@mas.to

My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores.

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mardigroan, to random
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They can accurately guess where you grew up in 20 questions? That's great. Just ask "Where did you grow up?" One question. There you go.

mardigroan, to random
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While removing a cat hair from my phone screen I accidentally closed three windows, downloaded two apps, made an unwanted Amazon purchase, and texted my boss a Chuck Norris meme.

mardigroan, to random
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CNN: Trump faces 3 new charges in documents case.

MSNBC: Trump tried to alter, destroy, mutilate, and conceal evidence.

FOX: Hunter Biden has overdue library books. Should he face maximum jail time?

mardigroan, to random
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Keep your friend's toast and your enemy's toaster.

mardigroan, to random
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They're playing you. They get you upset about Fetterman's clothes, Bud Light beer, and the outrage of the day. But their policies don't help you. They don't have your interests in mind.

mardigroan, to random
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Waitress: Here's the check. You wanna box for that?

Customer: The rest of this sandwich? You want to fight over it here in the diner?

mardigroan, to random
@mardigroan@mas.to avatar

Ancient curse: May the insides of your ravioli seep out of the pasta pocket and spread throughout the water that's cooking for seven and a half minutes.

mardigroan, to random
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If your nervous colleague fills the staff meeting time with nearly endless chatter you can ease through it just sipping coffee and not saying much at all.

mardigroan, to random
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Pretty sure this cat is not trained in acupuncture and those claws stabbed into my stomach did not provide me with any medical benefit.

mardigroan, to random
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The Sidney Powell related toots are Kraken me up.

mardigroan, to random
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After an hour and a half it is no longer called a Zoom meeting and it is instead called an ordeal.

mardigroan, to random
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Not everyone likes dad jokes. One day my buddy's dad went out for a pack of dad jokes and never came home.

RickiTarr, to random
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Who is the best Batman villain and why?

mardigroan,
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@RickiTarr

Catwoman because of how she was personified by Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt, Michelle Pfeiffer, and others so purrfectly.

mardigroan, to random
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A Kiss tribute band called Smooch.

mardigroan, to random
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Big companies don't want you to speak to a customer service representative who can understand and resolve their issue. Instead they want you to get lost in a thicket of inapplicable options preferably on their clonky website that's only navigable to dead ends.

mardigroan, to random
@mardigroan@mas.to avatar

Are you telling me that the same guy who attempted a violent coup, grabbed pussies, stole classified documents, ripped off Trump U students, stiffed contractors, assisted Putin, pressured Ukraine, fed the deficit with reckless tax cuts for the rich, packed the Court, said there were good people on both sides during Charlottesville, was in bed with Saudis, refused to mask, said to ingest Lysol, & more also conspired with Giuliani to sell pardons for two million bucks?! How could you believe that?

mardigroan, to random
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Timely cartoon by Jesse Duquette, who is known for the Daily Don. This comes as Elon Musk increasingly chats with white supremacists and antisemites on the app formerly known as Twitter, scapegoats the ADL, and, through these action, furthers the spread of misinformation and dangerous prejudice.

mardigroan, to random
@mardigroan@mas.to avatar

It's the eye of the tiger.
It's the spleen of a sheep.

mardigroan, to random
@mardigroan@mas.to avatar

A tall vampire known as Count Everest.

mardigroan, to random
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Mike Pence on a motorcycle has Michael Dukakis in a tank vibes.

mardigroan, to random
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I didn't waffle on how to prepare this morning's waffles. I thought, I'd like to propose a toast.

mardigroan, to random
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We can have breakfast for dinner but unfortunately we can't choose to have June for January.

mardigroan, to random
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Have you tried eating overly processed foods about it?

mardigroan, to random
@mardigroan@mas.to avatar
  • finishing late lunch and still calling that other place Twitter *
mardigroan, to random
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Ancient curse, may you try your old login three times and get locked out for suspicious login attempts before remembering you changed your password.

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