@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

DziadekMick

@DziadekMick@mstdn.social

An autistic recovered alcoholic grandfather in his 70s, from Fenland originally but now a Londoner (and frequent Norfolker). Passionate Arsenal fan. Buddhist/Quaker. Trans supporter. Occasional bar stool professor of everything.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

NunavutBirder, to worldwithoutus
@NunavutBirder@mas.to avatar

So, this was released today. My third stamp with Canada Post. Qarlinngua (The pants). And technically my second stamp with a family member in it, as the tiny figure in it is my son Travis. Now for one with Hilary in it.

I’ve very proud of all of these, beyond the cache. They are about my home, and family. And also my family has a long history with the Post Office, 101 years. My grandfather, father, and brother were all postmasters in Roblin.

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@NunavutBirder This is a glorious picture. I love it.

sebwhatever, to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic tell me you are without telling me you are autistic.

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic

Next time, let me know in advance you’re going to ask impromptu questions😁😁😁

Edent, (edited ) to random
@Edent@mastodon.social avatar

You receive a call on your phone.
The caller says they're from your bank and they're calling about a suspected fraud.

"Oh yeah," you think. Obvious scam, right?

The caller says "I'll send you an in-app notification to prove I'm calling from your bank."

Your phone buzzes. You tap the notification This is what you see.

Still think it is a scam?
1/3

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@Edent Rule two of answering the phone (or emails, texts). The person making the call has to identify themselves, not the recipient. Rule one is that all businesses calling, mailing or texting you are after your money in some way and are likely to con or defraud you.

When my bank has called me in the past and I insisted on checking. Their procedure was to alternate characters of my password with me. Otherwise I refuse to go on, which pisses off shedloads of telemarketers. But keeps me safe

pathfinder, to Autism
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

For me, knowing I was different was just something I grew up with. As I aged and progressed through school, it was only ever amplified as those around me grew in ways that I didn't and that I couldn't seem to either, no matter how much I tried. In fact, my attempts to do so were often met with ridicule and contempt, more than any real sense of encouragement or accomplishment. In fact, so many of the judgements I received never seemed to be based on the effort I was putting in, the progress I was making, but on where, or how, I should be instead. Praise only ever seemed to come from excelling, even if for me it was simply what was expected, the point of the whole process, or because it was, in fact, easy. Either way, it always seemed meaningless.

Is it any wonder, then, that I have always had a problem with judging myself fairly. I grew up in a world that was not made for me and judged and expected to conform to its standards. I can see that now. But, back then I had no such understanding. I had nothing to compare myself to, no guide to follow. What understanding there was of autism was biblically bad and certainly nothing I could see myself in. All I knew was that I was always misjudged, or blamed for things that were outside my control. That all too often I was underappreciated for the progress I was making and blamed for the progress I couldn't make. Is it any wonder, then, that in the end all I could come to believe was that I was broken somehow and that this was why I was so obviously to blame and at fault all the time.

Or that my sense of self-esteem suffered. It's hard to judge yourself fairly, when you are doing so against the wrong values. It's even harder to judge yourself when you have no true mirror to see yourself in. Or, when others never to seem to see you either. It's easier to fall into the trap of believing that only perfection will do, that it's your only chance, and only the sort of perfection that can never be attained.

Even now, I'm prone to doing this. That always improving, is the key to eventually value. To judging myself against impossible standards and expectations. To dismissing where I am, because it's never enough and seeing praise as unwarranted because of that. It is a hard habit to break, a response trained into me by a lifetime of feeling wrong and of that wrongness being pointed out. It is, perhaps, one of the hardest things about realising that I am autistic. Because, whilst I do have a mirror to see myself in now. Actually getting myself to look fairly, after all these years, is really hard.


DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

You spoke my heart. Bless you. I’m really glad you’re here.

ColinTheMathmo, (edited ) to random
@ColinTheMathmo@mathstodon.xyz avatar

Strange and random request from a friend of mine ... if there is anyone in Edinburgh who can help, please let me know!

And as always, if you're comfortable doing so, boosts for reach would be really welcome.

From Julia Collins ...

========

Edinburgh friends! I'm doing a presentation next week on a psychotherapist called Ronald Fairbairn who was born (and lived) in Edinburgh. His birthplace was 1 Cluny Gardens, Morningside. I wonder if any of you who are travelling that way might be able to get a photo of the house for me? The image on Google streetview is somewhat blurred.

Thanking you in advance!

*Bonus points if anyone can find his grave in Dean Cemetery.

** Bonus points and a bottle of wine to anyone who takes a photo of Fairbairn's grave with a pair of Calvin Klein branded clothing hanging off it with label clearly visible.

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@ColinTheMathmo

Any use?

https://images.app.goo.gl/styQB3yTAiXjkFo56

Jobob, to actuallyautistic
@Jobob@mastodon.me.uk avatar

So, a question for undiagnosed late realised @actuallyautistic folks.
Your work makes a change and it saves them money but plays actual havoc with all of your traits that you're still learning to recognise as autistic. You tell them about the impact it has on you and they completely dismiss your complaint, saying its fine for most people.
If there was a diagnosis it'd basically be indirect discrimination. But there isn't, and no prospect of one any time soon.
What do you do?

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@Jobob @actuallyautistic Saying it's "fine for most people" is an admission of discrimination. Which would justify no wheelchair access.
Direct discrimination is always unlawful. I don't know whether your employer will get away with insisting on a diagnosis. It's not a good look, especially as the UK govt has told LAs they have a "duty to people with autism and is not dependent on them having been formally diagnosed." Denying you could lead to a claim for victimisation as well. /cont

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@Jobob @actuallyautistic

(1/3)I don't know whether your employer will get away with insisting on a diagnosis. It's not a good look, especially as the UK govt has said employers have a "duty to people with autism and is not dependent on them having been formally diagnosed." Denying you could lead to a claim for victimisation as well.
Employers should understand that an employee’s neurodiversity could qualify as a disability under the Equality Act 2010.

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@Jobob @actuallyautistic

(2/3) Under the law, employees have the right to identify as having a disability, or not. But, the legal definition of ‘disability’ under the Equality Act 2010 means that neurodivergent workers are likely to meet the conditions. Government guidance states: ‘A disability can arise from a wide range of impairments which can be … developmental, such as autistic spectrum disorders (ASD), dyslexia and dyspraxia.’

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@Jobob @actuallyautistic

There are many of us who find it hard to see ourselves as autistic or disabled. I'm afraid it goes with the territory, mostly, I think, because we're pressured by society to conform to their norms and behave accordingly. But they carry on in their 'normal' way without a care for our invisible disability. My gut instinct (based on zero direct experience of your situation) is that they will listen if you assert yourself. But that may not be the right advice for you.

DeborahLeagueFineArt, to food
@DeborahLeagueFineArt@socel.net avatar

Spring radishes, oil painting.

ART - https://deborah-league.pixels.com/featured/spring-radishes-deborah-league.html

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@DeborahLeagueFineArt I get a great deal from your pictures. I admire your skill and your range. I'm really glad you're here. Thank you

unabogie, to actuallyautistic
@unabogie@urbanists.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Since my diagnosis, I have realized the main reason I never considered that I was autistic is because every depiction of autism I ever saw was so far from my own experience. But if anyone wants to understand it better, seek out books written by autistic people instead of those discussing it from the outside.

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@unabogie @actuallyautistic I suffered another of those people who dismiss us with “all on the spectrum” crap yesterday. I tried to explain there is no spectrum. To help her understand I asked her to imagine a giant bell. The dome of the bell is all the #NT majority.— the further from the centre the less “typical”. The rim of the bell is the #neurodivergent population, those most. But as you go round the rim they aren’t all degrees of divergence, they’re all different in different ways.

DziadekMick, to random
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

Suella Braverman spews so much hatred. Is it all real. Or is she pretending to hate refugees and asylum seekers, Moslems and Arabs, protesters and climate-change activists. I think it’s an act to boost her chances among the extreme-right wing of her party. Which puts her lower than the racists and bigots she’s pandering too.

Private
DziadekMick, (edited )
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Good advice to use smells to recentre. They are so powerful. I love to open a lid of ground coffee and take a deep breath.

Sidebar: A long time back, I used to buy aftershave from a barber shop in St James, London. I used to stay in there for much too long because they had a big jar of coffee beans for you to smell to clear your nose between sniffs of their fragrances. It felt like getting high with the mix of strong fragrances and the coffee.

Edit: Grammar

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@RolloTreadway @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Now this I must try.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

I think any time someone gives us unsolicited advice, we should get to ask them for money to fund it.

You'd look better if you wore makeup

Okay, you have to give me $500 to buy makeup.

You should talk to a therapist.

Cool, $300 a week, please!

DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@RickiTarr Genius!

DziadekMick, to random
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar
DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@tony If she does become leader it will be transformed into a UKIP style right wing party, completely unelectable and half its MPs running from it.

Private
DziadekMick,
@DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

@sahat @actuallyautistic

Aha! The old “should have” mind play. The point about this community is that we bring what we have. It’s all we can do. But our mind is always giving us advice on how it should be done. You’re doing fine here.

Like you, I am learning to express my self authentically rather than how NTs want me too. My biggest bugbear at the moment is that I prefer to move about as a character (my C3P0 walk deserves its own Tik-Tok channel).

I’m really glad you are here. ❤️

lcamtuf, (edited ) to random

deleted_by_author

    •
    DziadekMick,
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    @lcamtuf @jfbastien

    I worked one of these in a bank in the City of London during a vacation job in the late 1960s. After a couple of days got to be incredibly fast and accurate. By the time I got to use one the concept was around 300 years old.

    DziadekMick, to random
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    Putting #poverty into perspective … In the middle of the 19th century, about 10% of the population were destitute … around 1.9mn to 2mn in all.

    Today a report was released showing that 3.8mn people in the uk are destitute, up 60% from before Covid. We now have twice as many people in extreme poverty than 150 years ago. Further proof that our ruling “class” has no interest in maintaining a satisfactory standard of living for all. The current mob of Conservatives now destroying it.

    @ChrisMayLA6

    DziadekMick,
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    @kierkegaank I think we agree on the problem and the cause. I was just trying to make the point that the usual Conservative defence that the percentage is decreasing hides the fact that it’s three and a half MILLION people. Which I’ve just realised works out about 8 in every street on average.

    rolle, (edited ) to random
    @rolle@mementomori.social avatar

    Do you consider yourself a nerd? (Definition: a person who is extremely enthusiastic and knowledgeable about a particular subject, especially one of specialist or niche interest)

    In this context I’m talking about the word in its positive meaning, it can be tech, board games, movies, etc. It’s usually if you are a problem solver, a thinker, a techie.

    They say Mastodon is a niche platform for nerds so I just want to see the numbers. Don’t let this influence your decision. If you think you’re even a slightest bit nerdy, it’s a yes. Otherwise no. Boosts appreciated.

    DziadekMick,
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    @rolle How do you factor in the fact that you might have a very nerdy group of followers?

    DziadekMick, to random
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    Half way into our conversation with a Canadian teacher with whom we shared a lunchtime table I mentioned my discomfort with loud music, explaining it was one of my autistic traits. She was surprised I was autistic, adding that it’s now very trendy to be #neurodivergent, particularly for older people. After more opinionating she concluded I wasn’t autistic, probably just mildly. I asked what experience she had: As a special needs teacher she sees a lot of autism. FFS.
    #ActuallyAutistic

    Private
    DziadekMick,
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic The need to be clear and unambiguous is well demonstrated when a work group had a day go kart racing. Asking the guy who won the morning session and being told “I just drove everybody off the track” is not what an autistic person needs to hear as it gets him being removed from the track and not being allowed to drive.

    DziadekMick, to random
    @DziadekMick@mstdn.social avatar

    In case you missed it, #MetPolice officers are refusing to carry guns on duty unless they are given a guarantee that they wont be charged or prosecuted if they kill somebody on duty. Rather like they expected to escape prosecution when they rape and sexually assault women, or indulge their hideous racism. They behave as if they are above the law because they believe they are entitled to be above the law.

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