There's so much overlap between the two that it's questionable to me if they're even separate at all. Both affect the prefrontal cortex and the dopamine reward circuits in similar ways. And the same drugs are often used for both. And #depression or #bipolar is a common side effect of #ADHD.
What's funny about the above diagram is that if you combine both of those circles, you have me on a good day and me on a bad day. Me simply functioning like a normal person? Almost doesn't happen. #depression#bipolar#ADHD
I sat in a room with my ex and 3 kids and told them I have schizoaffective disorder and we talked about what that means for me and for them.
It went really well, and lots of good questions were asked. Nobody treated me like a serial killer monster took me over.
Psychotic disorders are so stigmatized, and hard to talk about. But I felt like I owe it to all of them to arm them with real knowledge. They know I'm still the same person I was when I had the undiagnosed disorder.
It was hard to do, but also cathartic. I told them that I'm sure they will have questions as they process this on their own, and to go ahead and ask me. I'm trying to be open, doing my part to destigmatize the illness with my kids and their mother.
Also my ex apologized for misgendering me, but said that it's just hard to get used to, and she isn't doing it maliciously, she is trying to get it right. It felt sincere.
I imagine my ex will get some catharsis as well, because there were certainly times throughout our marriage when this illness made things worse. I'm sure she is having plenty of "aha" moments as she processes.
She thanked me for talking to her, in the same room. Up until I took olanzipine for the past month, this was not possible--I couldn't shelf my delusions around her long enough to feel safe talking about anything more than basic child info.
Anyways, I'm sure at some point I'll fall back into psychosis and ruin any good progress that might come of this discussion, but hopefully not.
Because there was a mixup I didn’t get to attend my last phone appt with my psychiatrist. I was half expecting them to say it was my fault and discharge me, but they’ve given me another appointment. There are 3 things I need him to do for me. 1) get my GP to let me go back to monthly meds pickups 2) write me a letter confirming my Dx that I can use for benefits and disabled students allowance claims 3) advise me on how to manage my meds/#MentalHealth when I travel to Australia #bipolar
PEOPLE PLEASE HELP I AM HUNGRY, Your prompt response to the nutritional needs of this #disabled#bipolar man living in #poverty, would be greatly appreciated, with your generous contribution I can procure #food and other daily life essentials so that I can eat and take care of myself, please at your earliest convenience please make a loving deposit via https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=5BN5MB5BVQL22
A small favour please. I can't read large blocks of text when I'm depressed (too overwhelming) or hypomanic (can't focus). Anything past about 6-7 lines long is too much.
If you break up long paragraphs into shorter ones, it's works for me. I'm okay with long posts, or complex topics, but I am simply daunted by a lot of continuous text. And it's difficult to keep my place while reading a large block of text.
For a side project, I have been poking around the topic of #bipolar disorder and cognitive impairment. It’s grim reading; even in remission, people with BD have impaired verbal memory, attention and executive function. If you have BD you most likely do have additional challenges. You’re not just being rubbish! #MentalHealth
Last #bipolar post of the night and then I’m going to bed.
One of my most respected pals admitted to me that he and others were expecting my imminent death as little as six or so weeks ago. That the disease was going to win.
I’ve been crying thinking about that too. I had tried everything at the max dosages and nothing was working. Had the lithium not worked as fast as it did, the overwhelming odds were that I would have succumbed.
But I didn’t. And the lithium did work and quickly.
Two days ago I woke up from a nap with a seizure, or rather, I was woken up by my wife who was with me at the time. I didn't understand what was happening, she was disoriented and with her consciousness clouded, her neck, throat and tongue cramped, she could not speak or even think. I stayed like this for several minutes after the crisis until I began to realize that she was home and that the person shaking me was my wife. I have had strange events all my life but like never before. A Dr said it was a seizure, so today I finally have an appointment with a neurologist. Since then my brain and my body don't work the same. A feeling of numbness in almost the entire body, lassitude and extreme fatigue that refused to be relieved. Cognitively I don't feel deterioration, except for difficulty concentrating as I normally do and a certain depressed mood.
Years of neglect and ignoring what was happening to me contributed to me getting to this situation. Added to the stress of dangerous jobs and a tendency to hyper physical and mental activity. Finally, the fact of being autistic and the tremendous wear and tear of having lived contrary to myself and making an enormous effort to adapt and survive, even in the things that were good and happy in my life. Young autistic people could take advantage of the hard experience of older people diagnosed late, like me, to understand why the diagnosis is important and find the appropriate way to live, according to their own possibilities and abilities.
Take care. I don't have much thread left on the spool...
I got 8 hours sleep last night which is double what I’ve been managing of late. Thank fck for that as my #hypomania has been getting out of control. I narrowly avoided a full on war with a senior manager at work, and nearly fell out with an old friend on Twitter, all the while feeling angry, fighty and on the verge of tears. Hoping that the wired rage will now subside. And the #hypersexuality. #bipolar is complete mind fckery #cyclothymia
I have had many fights, fights and confrontations in my life. Sometimes for work and other times for personal reasons. But without a doubt the most exhausting and destructive war and struggle has been against depression and illness. It usually happens that people who have just met me perceive me as somewhat tough or aggressive or tough, I don't know. And I surely am. But if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have survived so many illnesses and the major depression that took me almost ten years to get out of, only to discover that I wasn't crazy but that I was autistic, bipolar, intelligent. Then all the internal struggles fell away, all those wars and chimeras, the war with myself.
The physical consequences, in the form of clinical illnesses, of a life as hectic as a roller coaster and the consequent mental collapse were the end of one life and the beginning of another. Sometimes I have wondered why I still talk about those things and recently I realized that I do it like someone who looks at their scars and shows them as trophies or decorations, as a memory of having survived a war, adversity or many things. . It's like saying "I'm here despite everything and thanks to what a bastard I am."
Most of the time I regret talking about my battles because I feel like an idiot, like the grandfather who always repeats his story. And I think that is indeed the case. I'm close to giving up digital social life because I don't find much value in it anymore, except for a very few people from whom I learn interesting things.
Just thinking about how my mom and other family all recognize my mental illness now, because they have mothers, brothers, and sisters with mental illness and same symptoms I have. So, suddenly, it's familiar to them.
But, because it's stigmatized, nobody talks about it (except me who talks about it all the time--I know, big surprise right?). But everybody is caught by surprise with me because I didn't appear to be unwell or something? I'm just that good at masking, right? Why are people surprised? Because mental illness is STIGMATIZED. I knew something was wrong with me, but was not safe in my marriage to talk about it and was afraid to seek a proper diagnosis. I started telling my therapist "I think I'm schizophrenic like my grandma" 8 years ago. And I've been chasing a diagnosis to fit me the whole time. Except that any time psychosis comes into the picture, I lied to myself and others because... Stigma. I didn't actually want to be perceived as "crazy" and/or dangerous. I'm not dangerous, I can say that much for certainty.
We need more destigmatization. I know for safety reasons some people just can't. I don't know of many people who talk about it as much as I do, but would be great if more did.
Specifically my dad, two grandmas, and a first cousin, all have/had significant symptoms and diagnoses related to/same as mine, and nobody liked to talk about it. Had they done so, I might have recognized myself, might have gotten help sooner. Keeping secrets did me no favors. My mom said her mom knew since she was in her 20's, and that cost her a marriage, because if my grandpa would have known that her disordered and erratic behavior was mental illness, he would have stayed with her. It was a decades old secret.
I'm going to yell about it until I'm purple in the face, but at least y'all know some of the reasons why by now. And if you have these diagnoses, your children stand a chance of inheriting it, if the environmental triggers come into play, that chance is increased. This is why I WILL eventually talk to my ex and kids about it. It's that important.
My anxiety over the upcoming #weather is not doing very good for my actual #anxiety my #PTSD or my #bipolar I don't have very much in life but I really can't afford to lose anything else and I have no way to make sure everything's somewhat secure and off the floor so when it floods it doesn't get destroyed I'm really tired of stressing out trying to live each day and not getting by and now I got more bad weather to worry about
Supporting the #financial needs of this #disabled#bipolar man living in #poverty, is an act of compassion that will enable the procurement of sustainable nourishment, and will help to stabilize an often turbulent existence by offering a means to cover the daily costs of life, while reducing the stress load, allowing for a calmer mind, and over all healthier existence so please support now via https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=5BN5MB5BVQL22
Dies betrifft sehr viele Menschen und die werden meistens ausgeschlossen, ausser sie dienen dem Profit der Konzerne und werden dafür ausgenutzt.
»Wissen: Anders im Kopf - Neurodiversität als Stärke.
Psychische Leiden wie Autismus, Schizophrenie oder eine bipolare Störung können nützlich sein. Die Evolutionsgeschichte zeigt: Neurodiversität ist ein Erfolgsmodell«