xinicit

xinicit, 6 hours ago to random

Me: Here it is. My magnum opus. The post that will define me as a poster.

1 Boost 2 Likes

Also Me: I’m feeling manic, so here’s some stupid shit I just thought.

5000 Boosts 9999999 Likes 7 Marriage Proposals

xinicit, 13 hours ago to random

Imagine if we had to hunt for food like our ancestors. I don’t know if I could hit a breakfast taco with a spear.

xinicit, 17 hours ago to random

None of my mom’s friends were saucy divorcees and I feel like I missed out on some primo weird feelings.

xinicit, 1 day ago to random

Getting plastic surgery done on my knees so the bees in the flower bed will stop talking shit.

xinicit, 1 day ago to random

I play a game with my dog called “snuggle, no struggle” where I try to pet him and tell him I love him for as long as I can before he gets too excited and start play biting my hands.

xinicit, 1 day ago to random

Petition to declare sandwiches a “kind of white person taco.”

xinicit, 4 days ago to random

“I’m doing hot girl shit,” I murmur. I turn on the stove and use the flame to light my cigarette. My NyQuil has been chilled, and then poured over ice. I take a sip, savoring the flavor of desperation. Outside my window, the Roombas pile up. Soon the glass will break, and I will be swept away.

xinicit, 4 days ago to random

My fursona is just me, but with less coarse back hair.

xinicit, 4 days ago to random

Gonna give up on sex and focus on learning to play the musical saw and spit tobacco with deadly accuracy.

xinicit, 5 days ago to random

They never mention in the Bible if Lazarus died again. I like to think he’s running a little bodega full of cats, and that he’s converted to Zoroastrianism.

xinicit, 5 days ago to random

Me: Coping with loneliness by trying to find horny sounding letter combinations in my alphabet soup
Alphabet Soup: I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND

xinicit, 5 days ago to random

The lawn care companies that service my neighborhood are engaged in a vicious turf war.

xinicit, 5 days ago to random

Everyday I have to choose between drinking water and mummification and I’m frickin’ tired of it.

xinicit, 6 days ago to random

People joke about having sex with donuts, but people don’t really talk about how your life can change if you get a donut pregnant.

xinicit, 8 days ago to random

Got kicked out of the Fight Club house for adding ylang ylang to the soap.

xinicit, 8 days ago to random

Got kicked out of the mall for convincing a bunch of kids at Hot Topic to prove they were real Goths by sacking Rome.

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

The worst thing you can hear as a crime scene tech is “bring a ladle.”

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

There is nothing wrong with me that burrowing into the earth and hibernating until my prophesied return wouldn’t fix.

xinicit, 10 days ago to random

The nice thing about getting drunk before I put my cpap on is that the mask and spinning sensation lets me pretend that I’m a fighter pilot who has lost control of their jet and that I’m going to die.

xinicit, 10 days ago to random

Girl, are you an after school special? Because I feel like you could teach me an important lesson about why I shouldn’t get in a stranger’s car!

xinicit, 10 days ago to random

Girl, are you the last vial of antivenom for a species of snake that was previously thought to be extinct? Because I feel like I’ll die if I can’t get you in the next 12 minutes!

xinicit, 10 days ago to random

Girl, are you 8 hours of restorative sleep? Because I’d love to get you!

xinicit, 10 days ago to random

Girl, are you disposable income? Because I’m working as hard as I can and you still seem out of reach!

xinicit, 11 days ago to random

A store that sells occult supplies and fried chicken: Gizzard Wizards