xinicit

xinicit, 7 days ago to random

It’s only tentacle porn if it’s from the Tentacle region of Japan. Otherwise it’s just wiggly hentai.

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

Pro tip: there is a big difference between being aroused by jazz music and having a scat fetish.

xinicit, 9 days ago to random

Protip: Describe your lovemaking style as “freestyle and improvisational” so that your partner will think you’re a misunderstood genius instead of bad in bed.

xinicit, 12 days ago to random

I don’t think I will ever be a big account because I post about my mental health on main. People may be into my humorous takes on goth mommies, but no one wants to see the dark underbelly of livin’ la vida loca.

xinicit, 12 days ago to random

He likes to rhyme, and he hates crime! This fall, Sammy Nash is taking out the trash!

Poetic Justice!

Thursdays, on NBC!

xinicit, 12 days ago to random

I bet leaving the theater with my wife and son via the exit that goes directly into Crime Alley would fix me.

xinicit, 12 days ago to random

I think a bird of prey mistaking my bald head for a shiny rock and dropping a turtle onto it from a great height would fix me.

xinicit, 12 days ago to random

Got really excited to talk with a bunch of people about how good “Rainbow In The Dark” is, but all anyone at this Dio-rama conference wants to do is show me their shoeboxes full of dolls boning.

xinicit, 12 days ago to random

Whom amongst us has not had their bidet malfunction and shaken up a can of La Croix in a desperate act of hygiene?

xinicit, 14 days ago to random

The period of time between when the sex dolls became sentient and the end of the bloodshed is referred to by historians as “Bot Girl Summer.”

xinicit, 15 days ago to random

I feel like the people who tell you to touch grass probably need to touch some booty.

xinicit, 18 days ago to random

Kindle unlimited erotica where a hot mantis lady hooks up with a hydra and she rips off its heads until she is a quivering mess.

xinicit, 18 days ago to random

What if we train a cadre of weebs to wield swords so sharp that slicing the air will break the bonds in carbon dioxide? What if the solution to climate change was (and always has been) mall ninjas?

xinicit, 18 days ago to random

In heaven, all the cats will let you touch their toe beans.

xinicit, 19 days ago to random

It’s easier to imagine Sisyphus happy if you picture him rolling down the hill after the boulder and shouting “wheeeee!”

xinicit, 22 days ago to random

Me: Here it is. My magnum opus. The post that will define me as a poster.

1 Boost 2 Likes

Also Me: I’m feeling manic, so here’s some stupid shit I just thought.

5000 Boosts 9999999 Likes 7 Marriage Proposals

xinicit, 23 days ago to random

Imagine if we had to hunt for food like our ancestors. I don’t know if I could hit a breakfast taco with a spear.

xinicit, 23 days ago to random

None of my mom’s friends were saucy divorcees and I feel like I missed out on some primo weird feelings.

xinicit, 23 days ago to random

I play a game with my dog called “snuggle, no struggle” where I try to pet him and tell him I love him for as long as I can before he gets too excited and start play biting my hands.

xinicit, 23 days ago to random

Getting plastic surgery done on my knees so the bees in the flower bed will stop talking shit.

xinicit, 24 days ago to random

Petition to declare sandwiches a “kind of white person taco.”

xinicit, 26 days ago to random

“I’m doing hot girl shit,” I murmur. I turn on the stove and use the flame to light my cigarette. My NyQuil has been chilled, and then poured over ice. I take a sip, savoring the flavor of desperation. Outside my window, the Roombas pile up. Soon the glass will break, and I will be swept away.

xinicit, 26 days ago to random

My fursona is just me, but with less coarse back hair.

xinicit, 26 days ago to random

Gonna give up on sex and focus on learning to play the musical saw and spit tobacco with deadly accuracy.

xinicit, 27 days ago to random

They never mention in the Bible if Lazarus died again. I like to think he’s running a little bodega full of cats, and that he’s converted to Zoroastrianism.