@xinicit@floe.earth
@xinicit@floe.earth avatar

xinicit

@xinicit@floe.earth

#Sober guy living outside of the Greater #Houston Area. I still miss Rock 101.
Avatar: A ghost wearing sunglasses. It looks rad as hell. Header: An illustration of a fictional cat named Princess Donut. She is wearing a tiara. https://justmytoots.com/xinicit@floe.earth

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xinicit, to random
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The owner of this Chinese buffet is watching me eat like they’re casino security and I’m counting cards.

xinicit, to random
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Confirmed: RFK Jr is the living embodiment of a bottle of tequila.

xinicit, to random
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If you ever find yourself being chased by a Spice Girl, it’s very important that you run in a zig-a-zag-ah.

xinicit, to random
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I don’t mean to brag
I don’t mean to boast
But I’m a big enough jerk
To get visited by ghosts

xinicit, to random
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Coping with being trapped in 18th century Virginia by teaching the locals how to measure the Fergaliciousness of things.

xinicit, to random
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Coping with being trapped in 18th century Virginia by teaching locals how to hotbox in a carriage.

xinicit, to random
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Other People : It feels good to accomplish things!
Me : Tackling my to do list feels like having my feet nailed to the floor and being forced to play Tetris with a full bladder and a broken pause button.

xinicit, to random
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I feel like developmental experts gave me a lot of false expectations regarding object permanence.

xinicit, to random
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My favorite yoga pose is “weeping on the toilet while the feet rest comfortably on a Squatty Potty.”

xinicit, to random
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It’s rough being attracted to women who look good in glasses because I know I look better when they’re not wearing them.

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark You are supposed to be my emotional support moose, not the moose who supports my emotions.

xinicit, to random
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They should invent a form of exercise that’s as enjoyable as overeating, getting high, or allowing moss to grow on you.

xinicit, to random
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A single ravioli is called a ravionly.

xinicit, to random
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(To the tune of “Fuck The Pain Away”)

Kitty cats! Hurray!

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark

The original song is “Fuck The Pain Away” by Peaches. I have cleverly altered the lyrics to be about the joy of feline companionship.

xinicit, to random
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I have died in my dreams on two occasions because my dog did not listen to me.

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark This is distressing. I don’t like you dying once, much less multiple times.

xinicit, to random
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Maybe I don’t want to be trapped in the woods with a woman because I don’t want to have to hold a fart in the whole time.

xinicit, to random
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Salsa is not a vegetable, but it is closer to being a vegetable than ketchup is.

xinicit, to random
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You either die a hero, or live long enough to be horny on main.

xinicit, to random
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The older I get, the more I fantasize about using a time machine to get more naps in.

xinicit, to random
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I have the body of a sexual T-Rex (short arms and a large belly.)

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark I’m using an adjective to make myself feel better.

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark Hell yeah! I’m gonna lay some eggs and watch over them like a loving mother!

xinicit, to random
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They call me a sexual tornado because grass clippings and leaves get everywhere.

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark This is the perfect opportunity to use the leaf blower I got you for Valentine’s!

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