@Alice@beige.party
@Alice@beige.party avatar

Alice

@Alice@beige.party

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Photos on Pixelfed: @Alice

♾️

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

I recently learned that I can sing "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid in the voice of Cartman from South Park, so let me know if you're also struggling with your partner abruptly leaving you.

dannotdaniel, to HashtagGames
@dannotdaniel@mastodon.social avatar

I'm sorry I stole your sunglasses @Alice

  • Capt. A̶w̶k̶w̶a̶r̶d̶ Smooth Space Pickle

#FictionalCharactersApology
#HashTagGames

Alice,
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@noondlyt @dannotdaniel I can't view the source post, but it doesn't matter because I’m four margaritas deep so I’m gonna put it in my tush.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@dannotdaniel @noondlyt SO MUCH FOMO!

Alice,
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@dannotdaniel @noondlyt The REAL Nostradamus!

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

This shrimp cocktail is the worst. It's virtually impossible to drink with a straw.

Alice,
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@tayfonay I’m so sorry.

Alice,
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@aburka F yeah, pass her my number.

Alice, (edited ) to random
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My least favorite thing about gay men is how they're not attracted to me.

Alice,
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@mxyzptlk I would be FLATTERED, of course.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

In the event it's unclear, this is just a terrible narcissistic joke and I have a marked history of preferring gay men over most straight men.

Alice,
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@TPushic 😂

Alice,
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@noondlyt FOR. REAL!

Alice,
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@MarkRDavid My personal history has proven that this statement is accurate.

Alice, to random
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I think it's important for reply-guys to know who they're arguing with.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

Really regretting not creating my mastodon account as if it were written by an actual seven-year-old.

Alice,
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Stop being so pedantic. What do you expect from me? I’m not even the smartest kid in Miss Henderson's second grade class.

Alice,
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@michael No lie. I kind of wanted to change my last name to McFlurry when I got married but didn't want the bored, desperate oldies at McDonald's to sue me; however, I could TOTALLY get behind McFwuwwy. I welcome an army of future McFwuwwies to join in on this fun.

Alice,
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@noondlyt A real beauty and the beast sitch.

Alice,
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The joke's on all of you because I’m actually 7.

Alice,
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@SNerd Hasbulla is always welcome in my bed. Mostly because he doesn't take up a lot of space.

Alice,
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@anisian My mom's at work and my father has been trying to forget for the last seven years.

Alice,
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@michelestrider Those headbands were so tight!

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@YadyO I look young for my age.

Or act immature for my age.

Same diffy.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@YadyO Right back atcha, love!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Sometimes when you learn how something works, you think, Thanks knowledge, that really helped, everything makes more sense, and other times you look up how wrists turn, and it's like WTF?!

Alice,
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@HunkThunderzone @danciruli @RickiTarr Triggered as a person who maxed out at 5'6".

adhdeanasl, to random
@adhdeanasl@beige.party avatar

beige.party: we put the LAUGH in sLAUGHter.

Also, we’re not a cult.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@glasspusher @TwoClownsEating @adhdeanasl It's not my fault. It's a required part of our ritualistic chant.

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