@miriamrobern@dice.camp
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

miriamrobern

@miriamrobern@dice.camp

Housewife, mom, gamer, and obsessive creator of stuff that nobody ever asked for. Fancy comma lady. White settler on Treaty One Land in Winnipeg.
she/her 🏳️‍⚧️

Mimsy Crash Course:
• Talk to your partner.
• Get your eyebrows done.
• Fuck 'em.

Wife of https://zirk.us/@hopepunk

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

shippychaos, (edited ) to random
@shippychaos@homo.promo avatar

@ parents, especially trans parents and parents of trans kiddos, how do you answer questions about gender from your little ones?

I’m trying to understand how something so complex and relative to culture and social structures can be explained in a way that 2-6 year olds could understand.

I want to be the adult my niblings can count on for these kinds of questions and so far all I’ve got is “some girls have short hair and some boys have long hair”

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos So at 24-30 months, kids start generalizing pronouns. Before that they’ve literally memorized everybody’s pronouns individually, and this is the point where they realize that there are patterns in presentation that allow them to guess with reasonable accuracy. Part of why they ask questions at this stage is to refine their heuristics for predicting correct pronouns.

1/5

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos This is not really a process you can short circuit by telling them to use gender neutral terms until they’re explicitly told what pronouns are appropriate for each individual. We live in a society of presumptive gendering and human toddlers are hardwired for figuring out how to fit into social norms. We can mitigate (some girls have short hair) and we can stress that sometimes guesses are wrong and you can just correct yourself and move on, but that’s about it.

2/5

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos Kids develop their own gender identities during but mostly after this stage. This is a really dicey process because they’re building mental models that assign gendered pronouns based on outward presentation, and the logical extension is to conclude that their own gender relies on their own presentation. It is not clear to them if, for instance, cutting their hair short will make them a boy. This IS a place where adult guidance can help.

3/5

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos In my experience this guidance fits best in a broader parenting approach of encouraging kids to try new things and see how they feel about them. Trying on a dress can be roughly equivalent to trying a new food. The key here is praising them for trying new things and then listening to them (sometimes at length) talk about their experiences.

4/5

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos More than anything, though, now is when you lay the foundation work for becoming a safe person for them to talk to and be vulnerable with. That relationship is far and away more important than them “getting gender right” from the start. Kids are messy, child development is a rollercoaster, and everybody will get things wrong. As long as the kid has people to talk to, they’ll be all right.

5/5

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos Then it sounds like you’re on the right track.

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@shippychaos I know that dance. We’ve made it clear to our older niblings (whose parents are generally solid but who knows, you know) that if they ever need to “come visit” for an indefinite period of time, we have a spare bedroom they’re welcome to.

sashag, to random
@sashag@chaosfem.tw avatar

Are you kidding me?

My most popular Mastodon post is going to be a screenshot of a Twitter (!) conversation I wasn't even involved in (!)??

This feels like social media nepotism 😳

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@sashag All my fedi-viral posts are screenshots of other people being funny on other sites.

miriamrobern, to random
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

Today is my second session of having lasers shot at my face. Given that last time I felt nothing and had no after effects I’m hoping that this time we can crank up the intensity.

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@rivetgeek It’s exactly like that, except not at all like that.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

FaceID doesn't recognize me, so weirdly I'm annoyed by an actual early transition goal that I never thought would happen.

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@caroline @lisamelton I've seen the pictures and I'm with Caroline on this one. ;)

miriamrobern, to random
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

Do I know anybody near Boucherville, Quebec that wouldn't mind going to IKEA, buying some soon-to-be-discontinued parts for a half-assembled closet for our eldest kid, and shipping them to us? We'd of course cover costs.

emmalilian, to random
@emmalilian@eldritch.cafe avatar

Went to the mall today and saw the bracelet I want to buy myself for my birthday and… yeah it’s so nice. So expensive but so nice. Guess I have a month and change to figure out if I really want to buy it.

I mean… you only turn 40 once right?

miriamrobern,
@miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

@emmalilian You can turn 40 as many times as you like, honey. ;)

Impossible_PhD, to random
@Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Impossible_PhD This is beautiful prose. And you look like a much-beloved sports car.

    JoscelynTransient, to trans
    @JoscelynTransient@chaosfem.tw avatar

    TRANS FEM FRIENDS: What do you wish you could say to the person you were before transition who thought it was impossible to ever actually be a girl or be fem?

    I sometimes think back and find myself at a loss at what would have supported that girl best. She was so sad, hopeless, and often dissociated or in fight/flight/freeze/fawn over her distress with how she felt like she couldn't fit in the world. And like, I know "it gets better" or "it really is possible" wouldn't have gotten through.

    I talk to a lot of young trans folks who go through this still every day, and so would appreciate others thoughts on this!

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @JoscelynTransient Like I could wax wise and philosophic here but to really get through? It’d be simple:

    “All it takes is some pills every day and in a year you get some nice tits.”

    miriamrobern, to random
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    Every sign tells a story.

    miriamrobern, to random
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    Okay, @ivory is definitely losing toots saved as Drafts. Maybe only or especially when they have photos attached?

    Impossible_PhD, to random
    @Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

    I'm excited. Monday's SGW is one of my biggest ever, and it's one I've been wanting to write for a long time.

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Impossible_PhD About LBDs? ;)

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Impossible_PhD Ah yeah. “Oh shit, I’m a lesbian, now?!” ;)

    Impossible_PhD, to random
    @Impossible_PhD@hachyderm.io avatar

    Soooooo I got my first LBD...

    image/jpeg

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Impossible_PhD Jesus Fucking Christ, woman! 🤩🫠

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Impossible_PhD “Unfair,” “perfectly sculpted,” one of those things.

    miriamrobern, to random
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    Catgirls from 1390-1352 BCE

    #WeHaveAlwaysBeenHere

    Dani, to random
    @Dani@mastodon.sandwich.net avatar

    So OK, I know why it happens - when I'm stressed out, I get more and more focused on what's necessary to keep going and stuff. But the fact that means when things are bad I'm simultaneously backing away from any semblance of self care, uh, sucks.

    No answer, just a thought.

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Dani Just gotta start defining self care as necessary to keep going, because it is.

    miriamrobern, to random
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    Apparently they transed hersheys kisses while i wasn’t looking.

    I want this as a skirt.

    Dani, to random
    @Dani@mastodon.sandwich.net avatar

    Worrying about my hip. At the part of things where the prescription steroids schedule is tapering off and it's... a lot better than before? But clear the drugs were masking some things. And sleeping on my back to not re-aggravate is messing with my low back now.

    miriamrobern,
    @miriamrobern@dice.camp avatar

    @Dani 🫂 Oof, the recovery road is rough and I wish you all the patience and strength you need to walk it.

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