GrimmReality

GrimmReality, 8 months ago to random

I do dearly hope to see the American fascist movement utterly destroyed in my lifetime but in the meantime it is honestly a series of little joys to see these fuckheads walking into open manholes and getting Acme safes dropped on their heads every fucking day.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mike-lindell-lawyers-dump-him_n_651f05bfe4b091a3dc26a211

GrimmReality, 2 months ago to random

Starting a new thread that I like to call American Neo-Nazis Are Stupider Than You Can Even Imagine.

GrimmReality, 10 months ago to random

Raise your hand if you weren't indicted today for attempting to overthrow the republic. 🤚

GrimmReality, 10 months ago (edited 10 months ago) to random

So I sort of knew The Rapture wasn't explicitly in the Bible but I just learned how profoundly and exhaustively not even remotely in the Bible it is and, not gonna lie, it's pretty fun to find out the dumbest most malevolent fucking Christians alive are also completely wrong about the thing to which they have devoted their stupid stupid lives of being fanatical twats.

GrimmReality, 7 months ago to random

My sister and I, who agree on little, have arrived at a consensus that macaroni and cheese is overrated and pretty meh. Sorry to those this might affect.

GrimmReality, 11 months ago (edited 11 months ago) to FF

HEY. Here's a #FF post!

So apparently, after being here since November, I crossed 4K followers sometime recently, which is kind of astounding to me since I only made it to roughly three k in the algorithm-stanched mire of twitter after being active on it for SEVEN effing years, and it's never really been a NUMBERS thing for me - cuz if it were I would probably type fewer f- and c- and t-words and do fewer extended drunkrants - but more about "I think these words put together this way are funny and let's see if my online friends think so" or sometimes "here is a song I wrote somewhat relevant my current RAGETOPIC" or "I wonder how long can I make this fucking sentence whilst still doing proper grammar shit AND still having people read it," but, that said...

Big thanks to you kids who decided all that^ rubbish was worth following and for helping all of us carve a fun new space here, and since we've got a new wave of #twittermigration from birdland like it is 1933 Germany - seeing as it kind of fucking is - here are some must-follow accounts that are alternately funny, menschy, delightful or, on occasion, funmenschlightful, and you should follow them if you enjoy good things versus bad.

Starting with the intrepid and abstractly hilarious brainiac who made our beachhead instance [beige.party] the BEST one and a warm port for immigrants:
@theropologist

These awesome people didn't do that, specifically, but are exactly as great: @JoParkerBear
@Alice
@ReticentTurnip
@Adam_Cadmon1
@beaveinflow
@LRRRonEarth
@Ashley
@kimlockhartga
@RickiTarr @kimtopher22
@StillIRise1963
@mentallyalex
@pattykimura
@StefanThinks
@fuzzyduck
@CaptAntagonist @Smooheed
@jimmerthatisall
@Talia_christine
@Gustodon
@Stoned_Deva_
@adhdeanasl
@GroovyTasia
@AchesAndPains @ouinne
@Hey_Beth
@princesaballena
@capnwatsisname
@BeTheCookie
@TheUSASingers
@batkaren
@Aikiwomannc
@Shell
@ThisPlaceAgain

This list is in no way complete and in five minutes I'll probably think of others and feel like an asshole - which I AM - and then fifteen minutes later again and probably add to it, but - BUT - you can't go wrong following these good word-sharing people. SO GO HOG WILD, is my advice.

Beige bless and never forget to smash fascism, mis compañeros.

GrimmReality, 9 months ago to random

This may be 100% wrong and I am sure there is a ton of good data to refute it but it is a solid fact that when you are sick and it's not a barf-inducing sickness you can eat whatever the fuck you want.

GrimmReality, 8 months ago to random

MBAs are taught do performance critiques as a "compliment sandwich," meaning they say a nice thing, then a thing about how you suck, then another nice thing, which is dumb because that is a "you-suck sandwich," assbags, and your penmanship is nice, and you are making the world unlivable, you complete twats.

GrimmReality, 8 months ago (edited 8 months ago) to random

One thing that seemed like it might be lost to time when I left the garbagefuck Nuremberg rally once known as twitter was a few meticulous batteries of research I had done in the public interest in the last few autumn seasons. This research involved efforts to mine the crooks and crevices of the sprawling streaming-movie universe for obscure, unheralded scary movie gems, such as, say, Detention (pictured), a movie very few people have seen that also happens to be one of the greatest movies ever made. Am I being hyperbolic re its greatness? YOU DON'T KNOW CUZ YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T SEEN IT.

Anyway, what I would do is long-ish seasonal scary movie threads as I watched some of these, threads mostly of some pithy setups of each story whilst trying not to spoil anything, some pregnant HINTS at twists to tantalize, and no small amount SHOUTSWEARING if the movie was scary enough and/or fucklarious lines of dialogue from the more "horror comedy" ones (which I tend to gravitate to, as with Detention) as long as it doesn't ruin anything.

Anyway, in the interest of posterity, for THIS, my first Halloween season on Mastodon and the Beige Party, I'm going dig into my archive and/or rewatch some of these and share some insights on certain cinematic (by-some-measures-)classics such as Hellbenders, The Children, Uncle Peckerhead, Eat Locals and The Wolf of Snow Hollow, to make sure this important information can yet benefit humankind. I invite you to join me on this journey, which will involve some depraved shit.

GrimmReality, 7 months ago to random

#MikeJohnson looks like he has so many skeletons in his closet that if his closet was in the UK it'd be a featured stop on every creepy ghost tour and have its own fucking gift shop selling shitty murder tchotchkes.

GrimmReality, 9 months ago to random

TV football just told me Charlotte is "The Queen City" but I could have sworn Cincinnati was "The Queen City" and I looked it up and I guess both are that so if any Cincinnatians or Charlottesi or whatever the hell you are read this and would like to weigh in on it, I think you should fight.

GrimmReality, 11 months ago to Russia

Imagine how jealous that skeevy little neo-Nazi prick Erik Prince is right now. This is like his go-to jerk fantasy.

#Russia #Wagner

GrimmReality, 3 months ago to random

I am quarantined and mad and starting to drink beer. If anyone would like my sweary opinions on random things and/or sweary historical analysis, now would be the time to ask.

GrimmReality, 5 months ago to random

SOME FUCKING GUY: Y'know in TEXAS proper chili doesn't have beans.

ME: Who gives a shit?

GrimmReality, 7 months ago to random

No thanks, #Republicandebate, if I wanted to listen to a gaggle of try-hard racist losers yammer out stupid and demonstrably wrong shit about how society should be fixed by making it horrible I'd have gone to my high school reunion.

GrimmReality, 1 year ago to random

Digging through my twitter archive, sometimes I randomly land on a reply I did that I think, man, sad that the sheer spontaneous brilliance of this response to either a friend or some revanchist jagoff will be lost to time. So I have decided to do THE DISEMBODIED REPLY THREAD, which is this, to just drop these pithy sequences of words in posts, sans any context, that they may be enjoyed for posterity.

First up:

"I will not stand idly by while you disrespect the Fartsons, miss."

GrimmReality, 4 months ago (edited 4 months ago) to random

HIVE MIND and also maybe BRITISH HIVE MIND, here is what I need, should you have any faves to proffer:

Obscure but hilarious British tv comedies that lasted 1-3 seasons and nobody could be bothered to pick them up for streaming except some dank corner of the streaming universe, like Roku Channel or whatev.

CRITERIA:

• preferably TVMA or 16+
• No laugh-tracks (this disqualifies most shows from being good and, frankly, is distracting and archaic and condescending as fuck)
• not super-popular (basically if it's like Fleabag or Green Wing and on a mainstream streaming service and internationally recognized as brilliant, I will pretty likely have seen it
• made roughly 2008ish to present
• has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with Ricky Gervais
• narrative storytelling e.g. NOT faux-documentary

As some guidance, here are shows of the ilk I am in the market for (and thus have already seen [AND RECOMMEND]):

Plebs
Bluestone 42
Crazyhead
Porters
London Irish
Toast of London
Zomboat
Cockroaches
Fresh Meat
White Van Man
Time Wasters
Back
Upstart Crow
Sirens
Raised by Wolves
Detectorists
The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff

Any suggestions welcome and thank you! 🍻

https://beige.party/@GrimmReality/111248497260184773

GrimmReality, 4 months ago (edited 4 months ago) to iowa

If you're doing a search on #Iowa tonight looking for some incisive analysis, as a native Iowan I can offer that Iowa Republicans are nigh-universally dogshit-stupid linear-thinking twats who venerate malice and want a fascist America. Hope this saves you some time.

GrimmReality, 7 months ago to random

I'm not gonna tell anybody how to live their life but if you have a going-out hoodie and a staying-home hoodie you can worry a lot less about shit like "oh no, does my hoodie have mustard on it" when you go out.

GrimmReality, 1 month ago to random

She wins the bear v man thing. Put respect upon her name.

GrimmReality, 6 months ago to random

FRIDAY NIGHT WORDNERD FUN: Ref-verbs

OK so the other day the inimitable and brilliant Maura Quint used Kool-Aid Man as a verb, something like "I just Kool-Aid Manned my way into the conversation."

I love - fucking LOVE - cultural refs turned into funny awkward verbs (or alternately maybe modifiers, too?) and I'm trying to think of others, but I've only come up with a couple, which I'll cite.

Leroy Jenkins - I'm pretty sure it was Jamie from The British History Podcast who referred to someone Leroy Jenkinsing into some fraught or violent circumstance (which is a bit like Kool-Aid Manning, but just consider that a coincidence).

Genesis Device - wherein I cite [ahem] MYSELF, who used it in ref to a particular football program, which is said just needed to "just be Genesis Deviced so they can start over."

I realize this is a bit deep-in-the-weeds but just if you see this and it sparks a ref you have seen, let's say, enverbed, or have so-enverbed yourself, let me know!

GrimmReality, 8 months ago to random

Those brats that come with the cheese already inside them are a complete racket because if you cook them properly you cook the cheese right out and then where are you? Sans cheese is where. Dispossessed of the "added value" cheese you purchased. Having been, as the venerable brat ancients used to say, uncheesed.

GrimmReality, 10 months ago to random

I wish I believed in anything as fervently as white men who have "marketing" in their job titles believe they can sell me any old random fucking thing by calling it a "Tactical" random fucking thing.

GrimmReality, 6 months ago to random

Did I just see a tv ad for . . . an ambulance company? What's the tactical motivation there? Like 82% of the population can't afford to dial 911 but, when you absolutely HAVE to because you're going to fucking die if you don't, DEFINITELY BE BRAND-LOYAL TO ZIPPY AMBULANCE CO.™

GrimmReality, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago) to random

Whenever a video game franchise gets rebooted/adapted for any kind of mass medium - as may happen with the new Fallout tv series - some people go back and play the games again, and, if you are one of those and you haven't tried Fallout 4 with the Sim Settlements 2 mod and you kind of liked Fallout 4 but want it to be a vastly better and even EPIC game? I'm no Inside-Baseball-level gamernerd but HOLY SHIT TRY FALLOUT 4 WITH SIM SETTLEMENTS 2.

They just wrapped it with the Chapter 3 release last fall and it makes it a whole new game, like both on a society-rebuilding level and on a fucking-up-post-apocalyptic-Nazis level. And if you LIKE to fuck up post apocalyptic Nazis - and honestly who doesn't? - man, you have some fun in store.
https://simsettlements2.com/