Please stop with the euphemisms. We know what we are, we don't need it explained to us. It is patronising when people try and define our identity for us.
Really enjoying the North East Autism Society’s online conference ‘Acceptance Matters’ :GoldInfinity:
I wasn’t going to watch the first talk, by Ruth Jenks, as I didn’t think I’d find a talk on communication as Autistic parents useful, but it was brilliantly clear and very relevant – she addressed a lot of things relevant to Autistic experience regardless of parenthood
Someone on FB unfriended me and they wanted me to know why. Ummm. So I said ok... think they wanted an apology for a comment I made on one of their posts instead of an ok 🤷🏻♀️ I do not want to be dragged into their drama. #socialMedia Is even more confusing for #ActuallyAutistic people 😳
URGENT! please help Tasia with basic necessities and healthcare! is disabled and has struggled with housing. she hasnt gotten any donations for a while and is losing hope. she needs your support.
Mentioned to a coworker that I'm getting some books, for example on autism, and as they showed interest in the topic, proceeded to lightly info dump. Did give some space so that it was a true conversation. However, it reminded me of a thing I've been pondering.
As I present male, I've always been overly cautious of not mansplaining -- or at least ever since I learned about the term. Now that I know I'm autistic, I understand it's entangled with having learned that NTs don't like infodumping.
Whatever the cause, I have a tendency to stay silent even if I know about the topic at hand but aren't 100% certain that it's appropriate to talk about it. Sometimes it makes me sad.
I saw a post somewhere not long ago that suggested a key component of mansplaining was not being sensitive to the fact that the recipient already knows about the topic.
I too often remain silent though I'm knowledgeable and have something to contribute. I think it comes from all the failed social interactions in my past, including unwanted infodumps.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 200 , Wednesday 15/05/2024
Up early again , breakfast, chores , whole 9 yards.
I’ve been referred to the local cardiology dept for my dizzy spells , phone appointment next month, I don’t hold out much hope that they will get anywhere, but never say never hey !
Octopus Energy , after an initially promising start, have totally failed to get our smart meter system working properly. Both meters appear to be transmitting so that at least is an improvement but the IHD is only showing electric readings. In the latest episode the help desk lass - ‘Edna’ gave me the instructions to set up a budget …. Despite me sending her a photo showing that the IHD is NOT seeing the gas meter at all!
I mean will setting a budget magically get the comms going between the gas meter & the IHD ? I think not !
Final Thoughts.
Why is it so hard to get seemingly simple things done in this world ?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
So I got a phone call the other day. She started out with "'I've been making so many calls thinking I am going to get an answering machine!" So I told her Yes, I was an answering machine and hung up. Don't try to be "cute" with an autistic. Be direct and to the point.
Someone came to my house and sat in my arm chair. Now it smells like their perfume. I am feeling really overwhelmed. And upset. I think it’s an #ActuallyAutistic thing. What do you think?
I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/ @actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd #recoveringfromreligion #LateDiagnosedAutism #actuallyautistic#neurodivergent
Ok so what are some signals and reasons for signals that’s your partner wants you to do something?
Perhaps it’s the way they hold their coffee or change thier tone or give you looks to let them know what you want or what they are trying to signal to your brain to essentials observe and understand what’s going to happen next
It can be anything I’m curious if any couples made any cognitive life hacks 😵💫😒
I nearly didn’t listen to this episode, because I’ve never had an eating disorder, but it’s almost more about identity & addiction & autonomy than eating disorders, and is fascinating as a result. @actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic
I've just finished watching the first series of "A kind of spark" on BBC iPlayer. Although, this is not about this excellent show. Rather, it's about the struggle I had with watching it and why it took me two attempts to get through it.
The fact is, that found it quite triggering. Now I know it's about, and probably made for, teenagers and the struggles they go through at school and especially being autistic and at school. And even though school was a very long time ago for me and in another age of man. I still couldn't help comparing it to my own experiences and not just in school, but throughout my life, and how much similarity I could see. Not, in the details, obviously, but in the way I would constantly run afoul of people, or somehow be on their wrong side of someone, even before we'd properly met. The sheer pettiness of some of it and the hurt it so often caused me, as much by my not understanding it, as by the unfairness of it. Of how many toes I'd stood on, without meaning to, or even knowing I'd done it and how much of my life I'd actually spent bewildered and upset by the situations I would find myself in and the actions I couldn't understand of the people around me.
Of course, no-one, least of all myself, knew that I was autistic back then, because that would probably have made it much worse. But knowing I am autistic now, at least gives me an understanding of why some people might have reacted this way. How, in some ways, at least, I've never really behaved in the ways that others might find appropriate, to their position, or status, or sense of worth. How socially blundering my way through life, of necessity, includes many toes I could step on and people who could be offended.
But, of course, understanding this now, doesn't really ease the memories. Neither of the pain I did cause, without meaning to, or the pain I received. It doesn't make the life I've had easier, only easier to understand.
And that, in a sense, is what this show made me have to face. That no matter how privileged my life has been. How much easier I've had it, compared to so, so, many others. It's never been easy. There have only been moments, brief and sometimes, admittedly, not so brief periods where my life seemed to make sense and I felt, if not entirely in control, at least in somewhat of a comfort zone. That I was OK and that I could just get on with doing things my way and just being myself. Not without cost, of course, normally in hard, unremitting, work and effort. In often struggling with feelings of guilt and shame about how selfish I was having to be. Because, that was what carving out my own world felt like. Not necessary, or even justified, but selfish and almost petty of me.
And then, of course, there would always be something that would intrude from the outside world. As often, as not, something petty and officious that would dump me back into the turmoil and uncertainty. Because, you can never really isolate yourself from the world, as much as some of us would love to. And so much of this world really isn't made for us. It will always be hard and there will always be those who delight in making it harder. Those who are truly petty and selfish, in the ways that we aren't, and others who will try to use that hate to benefit themselves. It's why carving out our safe spaces will always be difficult, but also, so very necessary.
One of the hardest things about being autistic, for me, is never truly knowing if I'm being reasonable when someone suggests that I'm not. It feels isolating, like I'm the only one who sees something. Especially when I have pretty solid reasoning and the other person isn't open. #ActuallyAutistic
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 198 , Tuesday 14/05/2024
Up just before 6am for some reason that will have scientists puzzled long after the Unified Field Theory is discovered!
Breakfast is done & coffee is drunk.
I sit looking at my TL & feeling a strange reluctance to engage. It’s not that anyone has upset me or that I’m particularly triggered by a toot . I just shy away from interaction with the rest of the Fediverse.
Some of it is that I feel overwhelmed by the number of folk I have to respond to - I have to respond to everyone who mentions me or who greets the world at large, it’s an unconscious imperative for me.
Most days I love this level of interaction, it energises me & elevates my spirits, but not today.
I will engage with folk, because I feel that I will failed them & myself if I don’t.
Maybe a shower first though, prevaricating ….
Ok so the day got better & SM was engaged with !
Hit Fo4 this afternoon then the usual evening activities.
Final Thoughts.
Ok struggling at the moment , thank Nuggan it’s warm & mostly sunny otherwise it might be quiet grim!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Hey #actuallyautistic folks. What do you do for meltdowns with strong emotional and moral components, not just sensory?
I am hesitant to ask because mental health, trauma, and social and emotional dynamics are deep special interests of mine so I know a ton already, and I'm sensitive to being 'splained or talked down to right now.
But I also have some faith that the #neurodivergent community could give me some clear, practical tips and suggestions and I'm tired and alone.
[P] It's funny, the hivers tend have this social identity opinion that autism is violent, I find that quite odd. Be it online or off, I've never met an aggressive autistic person. I mean, speaking for my partner and I, were we to ever hit someone? We'd get upset about it. It's easy to feel the pain caused to others, but allistics don't seem to experience that at all. Not even slightly. How else did all of human history happen, exactly?
[P] How did autism happen??? That's the greatest mystery for me. I mean, look at us kind, cooperative, overly generous pansies. It's clear we don't belong here. How could this have happened? I sometimes like to think of an autistic world, where everyone's being a kind, cooperative, overly generous pansy and how idyllic that would be. No tribes. No wars. Just people having fun and enjoying life. Hiraeth. Just... hiraeth. I live that word. I want to go home.
Was rather busy work day yesterday. Wasn't fundamentally bad, but very exhausting. including frustrating of not being able to figure a problem out. I do know it wasn't a simple problem, but still frustrating and taking a lot of energy as my brain is running at 200% of sustainable use for long time.
Result was shutdown, which is still largely the case. Sitting in dark room not doing much.
Part of the whole, I can work - BUT... it has impact and only possible as part time .
Only very lately, I've started to understand how loud sounds affect me. It's a strange combination of self-controlled loud music (yes, please) and uncontrollable, sometimes sudden, loud sounds making me very tense. I mentioned a loud stop signal in a bus yesterday.
The tensest I get is when our dog, who just turned one, starts to whine at the end of a car ride. We try to teach her that she needs to be quiet in order to get out. When she's agitated it might take a while. It's loud and I feel empathetic and get very tense. I can feel it everywhere in my body. Another example is when she repeatedly barks in a small space, such as our sauna cabin by the summer cottage. It might reverbarate in the structures, and my head.
Another type of sound that gets to me is the sound of brushing. It's physically uncomfortable, has always been. The worst is when a tractor is brushing gravel off the road after the winter. Almost makes me shudder to think about it. Always wondered why it's so uncomfortable. Now with self-diagnosed autism I get it.