I'm #ADHD and (probably) not Autistic, but I relate sooooo hard. Today I have to make at least two phone calls to people I've never met about a stressful subject. Why can't I email them? 😭😭😭
I'm crossing my fingers that my meds will help me, but I'm crawling out of my skin just thinking about calling.
@Larhanya@autism101@actuallyautistic I think it's a common #adhd trait, mix of overthinking and not being able to coherently get to the point without losing track or overexplaining, especially under stress and anxiety of the live "performance". I'm also a "writer" 😂 if there's no other choice than to call, I usually think through the relevant info I'm going to say or write down on a note beside me. So I think this has nothing to do with autism specifically AFAIK (I just have adhd)
@autism101@actuallyautistic the other person, when blue eventually breaks down and gives in to being badgered into calling them: this call could have been an email. also check your spam folder
@FurryBeta@autism101@actuallyautistic I was soooo glad when texting became a thing. Now some of my Drs. let patients request appointments by email on the patient portal. I love it. I would never talk on the phone if I could help it. I have maybe three people in the world I don’t mind talking to on the phone one of whom is my husband. I never answer my phone if I can help it.
My phone is set to screen any call from a number that isn't in my contact list. It does that before ringing. At the end of the day I usually have 2-3 hang-up calls in the log that I never heard anything about.
I'm a big fan of technology making my life easier.
@autism101@actuallyautistic I'm not autistic and I hate business phone calls. I want a searchable text record of what was discussed so I can properly follow up.
Nevermind that not everyone lives in California and that user-agency should extend up to & including the ability to choose to do illegal things if they want (the overwhelming majority of countries have some means of allowing of recording, this is just discriminatory to all who can't afford to have a full SIP/PBX setup).
@autism101@actuallyautistic I feel this. And I work at a freakin' call center. I'd rather e-mail our contractors than call them - though, I do feel it's better to have a written record than a verbal one. And don't get me started on calling clients to deliver bad news.
@autism101@actuallyautistic don't even think I am autistic but I absolutely hate receiving phone calls. It's so anxiety-inducing.
Texting is just so much better, there is no pressure to receive the call and actively talk to somebody and I will likely see the text anyway as I am always on my phone lol
@autism101@actuallyautistic just please text me in advance that you want to talk and the chances of me picking up the phone go up A LOT. like, from 0% to probably almost 50.
I will do the same, but I will only text you. I will not call you. thats why I sent the text :)
@autism101@actuallyautistic yeah, I identify myself got slight autistic tendency or introverted personality, I found myself get really stressful when I’m in a new environment full of strangers.
I always get upset about myself when I realize that I can’t making friends quickly in a new environment when I was young. But after years, I grow up and I found the only matter in my life is make myself comfortable, and the only person I should amuse is myself as well.
@autism101@actuallyautistic I have a friend who prefers calling than texting/msging & will force you into call rather than continue a text exchange. She claims she's not tech savvy (why her preference) but manages when texting is the only option (facebook marketplace).
@autism101@actuallyautistic im actually asking. So what? In the szenario and like people are late for something a call is the objectively best way to reach people.
Many things are stressful and unpleasant. I hate going to doctors, its really unpleasant. So are thousands of nessecary things. They will survive.
@JewleZi@autism101@actuallyautistic "I don't get it, in this scenario the stairs are objectively the best way to get where you're going, I'm not interested in learning about your so-called wheelchair, I already know the objective truth"
@JewleZi@autism101@actuallyautistic I'm not an advocate, I just happen hate idiots like you who can't imagine not running your mouths about things you don't have the slightest understanding of.
@JewleZi
You said you're asking but it doesn't seem like you're listening. I'm autistic and I find the phone uncomfortable but I can use it fine. Others however can't use it at all, or can't use it without major problems. This may be hard to believe if you haven't experienced it; disabilities that are "invisible" can be hard to understand from the outside. So, people on this thread are asking you to hold space for what you can't see @Sci_Fi_FanGirl@clowncollege@autism101@actuallyautistic
@JewleZi the Netherlands has a relay option as the only option for Deaf people. No text provision for ANYONE. Deaf and Autistic people often have very similar needs (and one of my best friends is Deaf and Autistic and all kinds of other stuff). We are being denied access because of an imposed preference of communication without an alternative.
(@ErikJonker any idea why this is? It's SUCH A PAIN every time I need e.g. something to do with the Belastingdienst etc... I kinda remember now they might have added something like a case specific email option...)
No you're not. You haven't listened to one single answer. These are actual people sharing their actual life experience.
There's nothing to argue about here, and if you'd been genuinely interested, you would have listened, not argued.
Instead, you relentlessly repeat the very behaviour that the OP asked not to do: "Please don’t try and force your communication preferences on others."
@JewleZi@autism101@actuallyautistic Or, perhaps, we have experience of a particular kind of unpleasant activity that we now have the maturity and experience to want to work around
@JewleZi@dcrooks@autism101@actuallyautistic I really wished I could give you an idea of how many "unpleasant things" autistic people are forced to do every day and how much this drains us. It's not about eliminating every tiny unpleasantness from our lives, it's about surviving in a world that's designed against us.
@JewleZi@autism101@actuallyautistic here's y it matters: to say "calling is objectively the best way," thats not really, always, true. "best" is subjective. I can easily imagine several scenarios where a text can convey info better than a call
what you may be referring to with "objectively" is the social norm of how "things r usually done." one truth about Autism is that when it shows up as "unusual," it's less about "objectively difficult behavior" & more about "runs against social norms"...
@JewleZi@autism101@actuallyautistic ...and what is being conveyed here, from an Autistic point of view, is that the psychic labor involved to engage in a more socially acceptable way of doing things is really, really burdensome. if you're interested in why, look up things that have to do with the Autism experience, like inertia, social scripting, masking, etc.
It is hard to know where to start here. Autism101 was talking about preferences. I'm autistic. I also prefer not to make calls if I can avoid them. I much prefer emails, or texts. I wouldn't say that I avoid them at all costs, but I certainly avoid them if I can. Oftentimes, I can't because someone else forces me to do a phone call where email or text would work just as well.
Let's take your "being late" scenario. What makes you think that a phone call would be better than texting??? Maybe the person you're trying to reach is in a noisy environment and would have trouble with a call. In this case, text is better.
Note here that autism101 was not talking about being late, but about general preferences. I decided to follow you down that rabbit hole, but no one else has to do this.
Let's take another example. My apartment is on fire. Am I going to email the fire department? No. Am I going to text. Probably not. They do accept texts where I live... I think... but I'm not even sure that it would work. I'd call 911. I still don't like phone calls, however.
There are things that I generally don't want to do, but that I'd do if faced with a situation where there is no other choice. The problem is when there could be other choices, but someone decided that the only choice is a phone call.
We all have to deal with unpleasant things, but the number of unpleasant things and the severity of the unpleasantness is really hard to deal with for some of us autistic people.
@JewleZi@yourautisticlife@autism101@actuallyautistic why on earth would you assume that someone would have their phone volume or vibrate settings turned on? Please stop assuming. As you can read your experience is not that of others on here. Your way is clearly not best for everyone so maybe take some time to consider why that might be before shouting at us to be more like you.
@yourautisticlife@JewleZi@autism101@actuallyautistic You did a better job here of replying with something I tried to, I think: a phone call is an interrupt, it demands attention on both the side of the caller and the person being called. Definitely there are times where that’s the best option, but short of an emergency there are loads of options.
@autism101@actuallyautistic the thing is that many people don't see texts and emails as "synchronous messages" they don't require an immediate response, whereas a phone call usually does.
(also: isn't not using the phone also forcing your communication preferences on others who might prefer the phone? Not trying to play devil's advocate here, I'm just wondering. I don't like the phone either, but it's usually faster than written communication)
@JeroenRombouts@autism101@actuallyautistic … that’s also a good point; I wonder if; as someone who prefers asynchronous comms, I could say “hi thanks for your message - if you’d like to talk by phone let’s see a time and date”? So then it’s a known quantity
@JeroenRombouts@autism101@actuallyautistic It is impolite to demand a more intense style of communication. Phone calls are more intense than text messages. Therefore, the default is to go to the lower intensity type of messaging.
@TeacherGriff@autism101@actuallyautistic this doesn't make sense. I can't respond to an email from a colleague by walking to his or her desk because that is more intense?
I have no problems making accommodations for people after they have asked me to. But to invent general rules of politeness is a stretch.
@JeroenRombouts
I agree that assuming default rules is fraught, and not the way forward. It's better to cultivate an attitude of willingness to understand and adapt as needed. No defaults, just good faith willingness to flex, because no one can predict what will or won't work for everyone. To me this is a neurodiversity principle @TeacherGriff@autism101@actuallyautistic
@independentpen@autism101@actuallyautistic I agree with this too. Especially since my version of neurodiversity (ADHD) makes remembering and sticking to hard and fast rules is difficult.
That's what my hubs would do (get an email, respond by going to their office), in his case because he's incredibly insecure about his writing/spelling/grammar. When he got to executive management level at his old job, I wrote all his memos for him.
I'd rather write a novel length e-mail than talk to someone face-to-face.
I wish you the best in future efforts of unmasking (hard as 💩) and learning what it means to take care of your need instead of just shoving them down like most of us did in a fruitless attempt to appear normal.
It's hard, but it's better once you learn to give your brain what it needs to be safe, supported, and happy.
@autism101@actuallyautistic if you ever find yourself in a case where you have to make a phone call, and are stressing out, I’ve found making a flow chart of potential ways the call could go helps (I’ve never been diagnosed on the spectrum, but I used to dread phone calls)
@OldTurk@autism101@actuallyautistic That’s a good idea - visualising the ways things could go, from worse to best has been more useful to me than “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Gods above and below, I haaaate it when my work says "call them" and there's 3+ people in the email chain and it's more effective to email everyone to assure the disseminated information is the same to all
@VVitchy@autism101@actuallyautistic The risk of then having to relay a one-to-one conversation to the list, oh that’s really hard to deal with “yes ok let’s all find time for a zoom call, yes everyone, yes I know”
Add comment