@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

TheBreadmonkey

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Hi, I'm Ben.

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up man and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a big nerd, really into music, cooking, books, films and scifi. I hate/love running and generally love being outdoors.

🌱

He/Him

https://justmytoots.com/thebreadmonkey@beige.party

#nobot #noarchive #noindex #nobridge

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TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Among the many many other reasons to despise Elon Musk, is this absolutely idiotic notion that introducing as many humans as possible into an environment with finite resources is a good idea. What an absolute fucking imbecile. How deeply, deeply selfish to choose to do this rather than help people who already exist and are starving to death.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/may/25/american-pronatalists-malcolm-and-simone-collins

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Oh dear

It's another photo from the same situation. Although the woman has been replaced by a smart Jason Statham and the Morrisons sign in the background, partially obscured by Sunaks head, reads Moron. I understand this image may have been doctored by HappyToast. But it's still funny.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

My wife just called me a desperate and stinky man if you want to know how good my seduction techniques are

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@Gogs

They had an engine oil gin stand at the beer festival I was at yesterday so had one in your honour because I am a MAN who drinks ENGINE OIL. 💪

(although I had it with a grapefruit mixer, which was delightful)

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

People absolutely love to fave but not boost. Like they're saying hehe, sure big fella, I like what you're saying and now it's our little secret. Sssshhhh.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I don't know if we can really blame McDonald's for Morgan Spurlocks death, but it sort of feels like we should

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I am obviously jealous of Ťímóťhéé Ćháĺáméééť

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

MORE LIKE NUMBER 10 DROWNING STREET

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Dammit wish I'd thought of this 2 days ago

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Going to bed. In all of your faces. X

Picard pirouetting with a Spanish flamenco flourish or something. He's a fine looking man.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

On a mad one tonight, lads

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

We have a thousand alcohol-consuming teenagers descending on us tonight. They think they're so clever by always referring to these things as 'gatherings'. WE KNOW IT'S A PARTY, WE'RE NOT STUPID. So I just have to make half a dozen pizzas then have been told I must go away and pretend I don't exist. So that's nice. Actually it is nice. It should mean we get to hide out and just watch TV whilst they destroy the house and I have to deal with the aftermath of that in the morning. Hooray!

Jamie Demetriou as a South African tech guy. He's in a sports jacket, shirt and glasses and is aggressively talking to an elderly chap out of shot in his living room.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@Alice

That's very lovely of you to say. However I do tell my children constantly that if it wasn't for them draining my life force and bank account, I would literally be a famous artist astronaut rockstar. They laugh and say "you're so silly daddy, we love you too", while I curse them. Jokes! I love them really. The freeloaders. One day I'll get my own back.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Two young chaps behind me on way back from bank (long story - I borrowed money from youngests jar, thinking I was being really clever and cutting out the need to go to the bank by simply switching it with cash back from the supermarket which they apparently DO NOT DO without a card, thus beginning a Mission Impossible style dash to the bank and back before she returns from school) talking about a night out they had last night in a sort of South London call and response...

It was sick bruv
Bruv! It was sick
Ah! It was so SICK bruv
Bruv, it was literally sick
IT WAS SO SICK bruv
BRUV! 'TWAS SICKNESS INDEED
Etc forever

18+ TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

This is sort of fascinating and mad. There's now a millennial Saint in what appears to be a shellsuit, they're calling 'God's Influencer'...

https://www.rte.ie/news/world/2024/0524/1450972-carlo-acutis-vatican/

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@JackTheCat

Lol. I love the fact this was a kid and you could literally say...

Monty Python Life of Brian. Terry Jones in ancient Roman-wear leaning out of a window and shouting He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy. Now go away!

DJDarren, to random
@DJDarren@mendeddrum.org avatar

With great deliberation, I’ve decided that next Monday’s edition of shall have the theme of…

Animals

Animals are great, and there’s loads of them that people have written songs about. So fling your suggestions my way and let’s see if we can’t put together the best animals-related radio show the world has ever seen.

Monday / 8-10pm BST / https://labr.online / @labr

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren @labr

My kneejerk reaction - like straight out of the gate, was Henry Mancini Baby Elephant Walk or Herb Alpert with Spanish Flea. But I'm not so sure others will particularly want to listen to that sort of thing. And assume others will pick Pearl Jam and Suede, so will go.... War Pigs - Faith No More version just to be contrary!

Mike Patton and chums doing their thing on stage

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren

Lol. I changed my mind. Annoyingly there are quite a lot of songs competing in my head, but the Rock Lobster ultimately defeated the Pigs of War.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@DJDarren

Oh no! Don't tell me that! I'll be here all day. OK then, just one or two....

Tusk / Albatross (Fleetwood Mac)
Human Fly (Cramps) / Fly Life Xtra (B Jaxx)
Crazy Horses / Horse With No Name / Goodbye Horses

I'm going to tap out early on this, because it'll literally absorb me for the rest of the morning otherwise. Good luck with the show! I'll be listening (this seems creepier than I meant).

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Big news for South London

https://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/24335757.world-naked-bike-ride-returns-london-next-month/

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I would quite like to never sleep again. Instead, reading the news and making silly comments forever. Sadly my body is crying out for reprieve, screaming at me that I must slumber, lest all be lost to the vortex of madness or something. So I'm tapping out. But know this. I love you all in a deeply weird and sexy way. BYE FOR NOW. X

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Feelin' very happy and positive tonight, chums. Beaming you all the absolute best. In a totally disgusting way. Right up and all over your FACES. TAKE IT. TAKE MY JOY. Sorry, I'm just a bit overexcited. But I do genuinely wish you well. Have it.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I can't be the first person to think of this, but surely SURELY there must be an effective way of managing/recalibrating mental wellbeing that doesn't involve running around and up and down hills and all over the place. Like one of those weird machines from the 80s where you stand on a little platform and strap a rubber band around your waist and it just vibrates you into oblivion. Where have those gone? Perhaps if I strapped my head into one for half an hour I might get some of the same benefit?

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Love, hope, happiness
Love, hope, happiness
Love, hope, happiness and freedom X
https://youtu.be/9KFZsz_cUo0

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

I think it would be really funny if the porn actress talked liked Foghorn Leghorn.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr

It's Natasha Demetriou (What We Do In The Shadows) as an ASMR person saying stuff like "Hello, is that the cheese shop? I'm still waiting for my big wheel of brie." but then switches to her normal voice, which is a load broad Northern voice, which arguably is the UK equivalent of Foghorn Leghorn. Very silly. I also can't stand ASMR.

davidnjoku, to HipHop
@davidnjoku@mastodon.world avatar

There is absolutely no logical reason why me, a 50-something year old head, should love this rap song by a group of Irish preteens as much as I do.

https://youtu.be/8p6_VL00Vqk?feature=shared

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@davidnjoku

This is going to be in my head for the rest of the day now.

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