@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

TheBreadmonkey

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Hi, I'm Ben.

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up man and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a big nerd, really into music, cooking, books, films and scifi. I hate/love running and generally love being outdoors.

🌱

He/Him

https://justmytoots.com/thebreadmonkey@beige.party

#nobot #noarchive #noindex #nobridge

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TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Here's a fun thing that anyone can do if you want to give it a go! If you play this ABBA song, but instead of 'take a chance' you imagine they're singing 'Donald Trump', then this fun song with the wrong words will be stuck in your head for at least a day or two and will probably stay with you until you die. You're welcome, everyone!

(Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald-Donald Trump-Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald-Donald Trump-Trump)

ABBA. The Ayrian Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Blankety Blank squares. The most Swedish people ever. They're singing.... Donald Trump Donald Trump Donald-Donald Trump-Trump Donald Trump Donald Trump Donald-Donald Trump-Trump.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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If I were a president I would simply not commit an unbelievable amount of crime all the time

TheBreadmonkey,
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@DJDarren

War crime? More like morecrime, ammirite.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Oh my god. The popcorn bucket designed for Deadpool & Wolverine....

Wolverines head, mouth open. Highly sexualised.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Well done today, everyone. Excellent Mastodoning. Absolutely top notch.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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The J stands for Jail

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I know there are more important things happening in the world right now, but we went out for a big family dinner this evening at a really high end Indian restaurant, and my wife is furious with her mother for asking them to make her a chicken tikka masala, pouring it all onto her plate, tipping a whole bowl of rice on top, then mixing it up and eating it like a toddler. I cannot tell you how funny I think this is.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I've turned off all filters. Repeat. For one night only all filters are off. Give me all of it.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Hi guys, I'm back. Anything exciting happening? Assume it's a quiet night....

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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🚨I am at a fancy restaurant! Alert! I am at a fancy restaurant!🚨

I immediately want to get upto some shenanigans.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Everyone stop and listen to Jerry Seinfelds wisdom that he's definitely not just saying so he can be briefly relevant again for the release of his film

Jerry Seinfeld Says He Misses Dominant Masculinity
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/jerry-seinfeld-nostalgic-agreed-upon-hierarchy-misses-dominant-masculinity-1235911364/

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Every day on this planet there live people who carry out heroic deeds. Feats of derring do. Let it be known that I, today, am among their number. For I hath boiled somewhere between 12-15 kettles of water in a row and poured them into a bath. Like a modern day Saint George. Only not from the Middle East.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma

Boiler. All the kids at home. Having done it the absolute bastards are all sat around saying they'll have the bath 'later'. So it was a big waste of time. I'm off for a run. When I come home if they've not used it yet I will top it off and have a lovely bath and they will have to use my disgusting second hand water. Urgh.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

This account is now a 'filling a bath up with a kettle updates' account. Nearly 4. It is likely I'm bored enough sat here to literally post about every kettle full. Please feel free to mute. Unless I can think of a way to make it super exciting somehow...

TheBreadmonkey,
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@blueorangeblue

I feel like this is a trick question

TheBreadmonkey,
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@blueorangeblue

House full of teenage girls. They would otherwise burn the place to the ground.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Hipsters = land-fisherman

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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TIL it's considered passé to use the word 'banger' with regards to a song. Richard Osman has apparently banned it and as we all know he is in charge of the Engerlish language. However I use banger quite a lot. So now have to come up with a pithy word that hyperbolically highlights my enthusiasm for a piece of music. Can we bring back Nathan Barley? That song is well Mexico.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma @RolloTreadway

I'll be honest - I've never been totally comfortable with that. I think we need a new phrase. One not already coopted by the TikTok generation. A word that conveys gravitas in a fun way with plosive consonants.

That song..... was Garibaldi

TheBreadmonkey,
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@Alice

Flavours of crisps?

That hot mom is well cheese & onion

Kierkegaanks, to random
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On our continuing road to dystopia, paypal is now going to use customer activity to base directed adverts to them. And they will be happy to learn who has the best palliative care in the tristate area after their latest shopping spree at cvs.

TheBreadmonkey,
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@amiserabilist @Kierkegaanks

Have you been playing with the controls again? Then why has my bread gone numb?

TheBreadmonkey,
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@amiserabilist @Kierkegaanks

Geoff Wode? Imagine the size of his rolls.

TheBreadmonkey,
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@amiserabilist @Kierkegaanks

I mean to have you, boy. Even if it means bakery.

TheBreadmonkey,
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@amiserabilist @Kierkegaanks

Uncle Monty, you terrible Bundt!

TheBreadmonkey,
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@amiserabilist @Kierkegaanks

GETINTHEBACKOFTHEPAIN

purplepadma, (edited ) to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Have you ever knowingly conversed in an informal manner with a murderer?

TheBreadmonkey,
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@purplepadma

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