Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 154 , Saturday 30/03/2024
TL:DR Saturday ! ; ASD revelations ; Neurospicy - sprinkle liberally if you want your community to flourish!
A quiet Saturday, I didn’t sleep well last night & have been out of sorts all day. I’m feeling cold too , which is generally an indication of me having caught a bug.
Reading @pathfinder s post today about the effects of delayed ASD diagnosis made me realise how angry I am with all the GP’s & MH professionals who failed to look past my chronic depression and see the underlying condition. Thats a minimum of 36 years where my life was lived on a false premise.
I’m not angry with my parents & teachers for putting me in situations that I was never going to be able to cope with, I’m pissed at my parents for ignoring my depression & pretending it didn’t exist , but to be fair the 1970s & 80s were not a time when the world looked kindly on anyone who was different!
I am grateful to all those in the last 150 ish days that worked to get me my assessment and ultimately my diagnosis , starting with the MH Practitioner at my GP’s who was the first to realise that I might well be Neurospicy ! Good call that lass !
Had a ‘healthy ‘ Chinese takeaway for tea (chicken , king prawns & veg , lets not mention the egg fried rice eh ) & watched ‘Olympus has Fallen’ - a turn your brain off & go with it adventure movie. Yes I know that it leaves much to be desired but sometimes I just need the traditional hero saves the day while the building falls down on him scenario .
Final Thoughts.
I am glad that there is a strong Neurospicy presence on Mastodon , it makes the transition from ignorance to self appreciation & acceptance somewhat easier - although there is still a LONG way to go on that journey !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 153 , Friday 29/03/2024
TL:DR Humaning is hard - so am Squirrel!
Yet another lay in - it’s gonna be hard next Thursday when Mrs S. goes back to work!
Spent a lot of today on here - too much perhaps.
So this afternoon I was surfing my Home feed on here , so much hate !
It triggered me big time!
I would like to say it was just trolls , then I could just block them, but most were folk I know.
I am wondering if SM is still for me.
Sadly it seems it is , it is my one functional interaction with the world & is hard to step away from.
Plus there are still many folk on my TL who are lovely, kind & somewhat more reserved in expressing their views.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in free expression , but perhaps bundling all members of a demographic together inevitably includes those who are simply innocent bystanders, or are actively working to change the ‘crimes’ of that demographic !
Sometimes I wish I didn’t tick the boxes in almost every hated demographic going.
I guess at least I’m in no danger of competing the set - I’m unlikely to become a fascist billionaire anytime soon.
The day was rescued by pizza, cider & Silent Witness.
Final Thoughts
Humaning is hard - so am Squirrel!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 152 , Thursday 28/03/2024
TL:DR If you liked Sophie, you’ll love Alice 😊
Would you believe it another lay in. Then breakfast & chores as usual.
So Alice mog got jealous of Sophie’s debut on here yesterday & wanted a little of the limelight herself!
Where Sophie is into getting brushed Alice adores being on my lap on the recliner & being stroked !
We start if I’m involved with something - of an evening generally when I’m writing this diary, but she likes a morning & mid-afternoon session if she can get away with it !
It begins with her circling the chair , tail erect, like a furry version of Jaws! Then the shouting starts, both the girls can be very vocal when they want something!
I hold out , for maybe 2 minutes 😆 , then cave. We have to have her comfort towel ready, otherwise there’s the whole bouncing on & off the chair until the sacred towel makes an appearance.
Then there’s the padding , because we need a well softened human to sit on !
Alice loves having her head stroked - if I spend too much time stroking her back or ticking her tummy & there not enough head stroking we get the head butts 😆
Once the head strokes & scritches commence & we get the 100db purrs and the waggly bum!
Re-roped the cats scratching posts today - of course now they smell different Sophie n Alice are ignoring them 🙄🤦♂️
I think I need to get walking again , if only short walks , if my PF plays up then so be it!
Watched ‘After the Flood’ which was tense & enjoyable, with a nice twist at the end !
Final Thoughts.
Ok that’s both of the agents of darkness & chaos covered. Back to business as usual tomorrow 😊
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Got a proper lay in this morning , thankfully because it was a rough night , much laying bed staring at the ceiling in the wee small hours !
I’m loosing ground on all fronts, mental , physical & exercise.
Up at around 7:30 am breakfast & then the thing I forget to put in my diary every day!
Sophie time - Sophie mog LOVES being brushed with her purple ‘zoom groom’ ™ brush -(other cat grooming brushes are undoubtedly available , but Sophie doesn’t love them ! ) .
She has learnt my routine & sits , semi patiently, waiting for me to get up to relocate to my recliner to drink my coffee . Then she ‘pounces’ or rather throws herself dramatically on her favourite spot & performs ‘dead cat on carpet ‘ looking at me pathetically until I cave (about 30 seconds - what can I say I’m weak ! ).
Then we have about 10 minutes or so of me brushing her, head to tail - ‘more on the head Dad, more on the head !!’
She will drop onto her side to regally allow me to brush her tummy & then will put her head in my hand as I brush under her chin - her absolute, total , best most favourite thing ever! The paws go then & the purring starts & we have to continue until she is sated, or risk the dirty looks & being grumbled at !
When she has had enough she gets up , settles into a seated position & lets me know, in no uncertain terms that she is finished with my services 😆 . Honestly I’m not a cat slave 😂.
We have to repeat this at tea time or we get none stop pestering till bedtime !
I got a major trigger this morning, I went to check the renewal quote for the insurance & I swear Admiral Insurance don’t want our business anymore!
I did not have the spoons to deal with the robbing bar-stewards today , herself managed a £100 ‘discount’ so I may leave it at that. We also got notification that the initial deal with Virgin is coming to an end, so I will need all my resources to deal with those extortionists!
We went out to lunch , gammon , egg , pineapple & chips helped restore some of my spoons as did the ride home thru glorious Yorkshire countryside!
We finished our JP fest this evening , it’s been a ‘turn your brain off’ blast !
Final Thoughts.
Sophie is a complicated soul, but she has that feline ability to drive one mad then melt ones heart. She & her sister Alice, in their own different ways , are my sanity!
I am a little overwhelmed at the moment because a lot of things are demanding my attention , I hope I can work thru them & come out the other side !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 150 , Tuesday 26/03/2024
TL:DR A little bit of everything & then some horticulture!
Up at 7am , breakfast & a couple of episodes of Qi to start the day.
Chores were completed & then got a little time to play NMS while Mrs S. went shopping.
Actually got round to doing something slightly different - repotted one of the Dragon Trees that have taken over upstairs.
It had outgrown its pot & gone a bit feral.
It’s in brand new , luxury accommodation & has been moved to the lounge, I’m expecting great things from it , I may use Crawley’s tactics !
Some Mastodon antics today - always enjoy engaging with you lovely lot !
We have worked our way thru to the 4th Jurassic Park movie - I’m loving this fest 😆.
Final Thoughts.
Everybody do the dinosaur 🎶🎵
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 147 , Saturday 23/03/2024
TL:DR Celebrating Mrs S.’s birthday, & finding out my tootsies are buggered for a while!
Got a lay in this morning , Mrs S. has circled Sol once more & so is on a holiday.
We lazed te morning away & then went to one of our favourite locations for lunch. The trip is a scenic one thru hills & valleys & even the intermittent bad weather struggled to have an impact on the beauty of the countryside we drove thru.
The meal we had for lunch was delicious - Roast pork with veg & all the trimmings !
A gentle perusal thru the attached farm shop resulted in many treats to see us thru the next few days !
We movied the afternoon & evening away, first ‘Ghostbusters:Afterlife’ & then ‘The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes ’.
We ate too much & drank a bit too much & the evening went swimmingly 😊
In other news - the pain in my feet seems to be plantar fasciitis , in both feet.
I seem to (literally in this case) limp from one health issue to another, whilst it is nowhere like as bad as the chronic pain others suffer & live through day by day , the seemingly endless drain on my physical & emotional & mental resources is beginning to tell & I am turning into someone I no longer recognise.
Final Thoughts.
Why does every good thing have to have a counterpoint!
Hey ho , life goes on .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 146 , Friday 22/03/2024
TL:DR Up early, walkies done, pressies wrapped, ESO played! ASD slowly being understood.
Up at 6:30am despite herself being on holiday, I had hoped for a bit more of a lay in.
I was on my own for most of the day as herself was out with her Mum.
Went for a walk - I’m paying for it now my foot is killing me! Walk in the morning, limp the rest of the day !
Took the opportunity to wrap pressies for Mrs S. I thought that might be classy it being her birthday tomorrow and all .
I managed to get a couple of hours on ESO before herself got home, tweaking the new spec on my character, I’d be good at this if only I could stop dying !
On a ‘Silent Witness’ fest , we’re on series 26 so can’t be too many left !
Final Thoughts.
Slowly coming to grips with the official diagnosis, some of the findings are a little mind bending , at least I can now say for certain - I officially don’t understand people.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 145 , Thursday 21/03/2024
TL:DR An average day with a nice meal chucked in this evening for good measure!
Today has been an average day, did the usual things, got triggered by the usual things , hid away a little bit more.
We went out for tea , our new fave eatery does a ‘steak night’ on a Thursday & herself fancied it as a pre-birthday treat.
It was delicious !
Just a simple , but generous, sirloin steak with chips, a big field mushroom , a grilled tomato & a creamy peppercorn sauce ! YUM !
I’m not saying that I enjoyed it , but that plate had a pattern on it when I started!
We got back home for 8:30pm & , even though she’s off tomorrow , she vanishes upstairs & deserts me.
ESO beckons.
Final Thoughts.
I wonder if this whole weight management thing is worth it - perhaps I should enjoy all that the culinary world has to offer & accept the consequences, millions of others do after all, & all trying to fight it is doing is making me more miserable.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 144 , Wednesday 20/03/2024
TL:DR My hermit like tendencies are creeping back ; Yay for a clean coffee machine ; Who knew I was an anti-social git with all the subtly of a brick 😆 ;Will I ever forgive me? Stay tuned to future episodes !
Quiet day today, seems to be my SOP at the moment.
Hiding mode is starting to be engaged, why I’m not entirely sure.
Cleaned the coffee machine & zapped the shower cubicle with a weak bleach solution to combat the mould that has got a foothold while I’ve been ill.
Will try & finish cleaning the rest of the shower tomorrow.
Played some NMS this afternoon. Need to choose a new book !
Late this afternoon I got the ASD Assessment report that has been sent to my GP.
Whilst I did pursue this route & do see in myself a number of ASD traits the things the Psychiatrist picked up on while we were talking are disconcerting to say the least!
I hadn’t realised my social interaction was quite that lacking, but I guess there are some aspects of human communication and interaction that one cannot learn by mimicking others.
Sufficed to say , when I applied for the Pre-Sales tech consultant role, a move that ended my professional career, I never stood a Squirrel in Hell’s chance !
I will need to read this assessment several times for the full implications to become clear!
We settled down to watch TV with our tea when herself finished work, I did the dishes as per, then I went to change the hand towel & tea towel in the kitchen, only to find that herself had mixed them up when she put them away after they had been washed. This may seem trivial, but things like this trigger me because it’s not ‘right’.
When things aren’t ‘right’ it is physically & mentally distressing. I guess this is my ASD expressing itself.
So now I’m tired & triggered & wanting to hide. Can’t wait for her to desert me & bugger off upstairs!
Final Thoughts.
Wow, it comes as a shock to realise , at 56 , just how poorly one fits in with NT society. I have (not surprisingly given recent revelations) never been a ‘people person’ I am utterly at sea with subtle body language & can only really recognise emotions when they are unambiguous & out in the open.
I wonder how long it will take for me to forgive myself for not being a greater success professionally, given what I am now coming to understand about myself?
I wonder if I will ever move away from being my own worst critic ?
On a positive note I can now tell my Dad that my shit school reports were not all down to laziness !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 142 , Tuesday 19/03/2024
TL:DR Peace reigns & rainbows chase a squirrel home to some Masto banter!
Up at 6am, made breakfast, bid herself farewell as she trundled off to the office.
Thank Nuggan , a peaceful day !
I planned a longer walk , out to the village at the top of the hill to the west of us, via the longer, but somewhat less steep route.
It was a beautiful sunny morning as I left the house so I forsook my jacket & went adorned in sweatshirt , hat & scarf (yes & pants @Rasta & @dgar et al ! )
As I approached the 1km crossroads , about ⅓ of the way to the village the sky got steadily more ominous, initially I thought I could make it then I saw the rainbow!
Rainbows are beautiful miracles of physics, and we get some corkers in the valley, but when you see one fronting a deep bank of black clouds with the rising sun illuminating it from the east, you know it signifies a rain front!
I hate rain, truly , I would be a deeply happy bunny if meteorologists could persuade it just to rain while I sleep! So routing plans changed & I retraced my steps & took a detour around my basic short route around the playing fields. As the walk brought round thru the points of the compass I found myself facing west again with the rainbow , considerably closer!
Given that I knew there was rain involved here I quickened my steps & for the first time (that I remember) I was chased home by a rainbow ! 🌈
Cleaned the bathroom - except the shower, that will need a special effort tomorrow when I have the spoons !
Read a while , then a little ESO .
Had a bit of a decent laugh with some of the lovely folks on here throughout the day , which lifted my mood no end.
Final Thoughts.
The injury to my right foot has re-surfaced, which is a bit of a blow.
Hey ho onwards !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
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It’s such a weird thing that our society requires people to display such a unique skill set (interviewing) in order to determine whether you can do an entirely unrelated job.
Are you thinking of making a change to your employment, and feel defeated by capitalism?
Do you wonder what else could be out there that doesn't crush your soul?
Do you struggle to get things done and fear there's no way but working for The Man?
I'm offering a free workshop on alternative income sources for Autistics. And practical tips to make your new work life sustainable.
Behavior is always a symptom. Granted, sometimes it's not obvious what it is a symptom of.
Trying to control or modify a behavior doesn't fix the underlying problem, and not being allowed to cope often adds anxiety and an identity of being broken or wrong or not good enough or unworthy.
I’ve ranted about these sorts of things before but this shit trying to shame neurodivergent people into being more useful to capitalism is getting out of hand. Ad was on instagram but I refuse to mention the company.