discoveringpolyamory

discoveringpolyamory, 22 days ago to random

Wanting to date other people doesn't mean you are unsatisfied with your existing relationships.

#Polyamory is about opening your life to new people and new experiences and bringing those experiences back into your existing relationships to help them grow and develop.

When handled ethically, dating other people can make your existing relationships stronger.

Wanting more people in your life is not always a sign that you are dissatisfied with the people who are already part of it. Just as a desire to experience and grow is not a sign that we are dissatisfied with who we are. Sure, wanting more can be a sign of dissatisfaction. But rather than always being a sign of unhappiness, dissatisfaction can simply be a desire to grow.

discoveringpolyamory, 30 days ago to random

A #Polyamory Red Flag everyone needs to look out for, especially when you are starting out, is when it favours one person over all others.

The problem with One-Sided Polyamory is that it can come about through several avenues, some more toxic than others. It can come from selfishness, toxic monogamy, and also emotional blindness.

But it doesn't matter why or how polyamory can become one-sided. All that matters is that it's toxic.

https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/red-flags-in-polyamory-one-sided-polyamory

discoveringpolyamory, 1 month ago to random

A lot of people find it restricting to put labels on their relationships. To some, it can feel too close to a hierarchical practice or that agreeing on a label pins them down in a way that feels restrictive to their style of relationship.

Labels are not rules.

They describe us, but they don't define us.

(Thank you to @Polywog for the line "Labels are not Rules")

Sometimes, it might feel that putting a label on a relationship somehow stops it growing or takes away its freedom to develop. However, others need them precisely because they give an element of stability when polyamory can seem ephemeral and uncertain. Labels are a tool. Rather than fearing or relying on them, use them in a way that works for you.

discoveringpolyamory, 2 months ago to random

#Polyamory is not "permission to cheat".

When people say this, it shows a fundamental lack of understanding of not just polyamory but relationships in general.

Do people claim squash is just "cheating at tennis"? Do they claim that rugby is just "cheating at football"?

No. Sure, they are both sports, but they are playing using different rules.

It's the same with polyamory and monogamy. They are both relationship models, but the agreed-upon rules are different.

Do people claim squash is just "cheating at tennis"? Do they claim that rugby is just "cheating at football"? No. Sure, they are both sports, but they are playing using different rules. It's the same with polyamory and monogamy. They are both relationship models, but the agreed-upon rules are different.

discoveringpolyamory, 2 months ago to random

Having a #Polyamory Pride Flag helps give our community a sense of unity. It's something we can look at and feel part of something bigger than ourselves. A reminder that we're not alone. That there are other people like us out there. That we are a community rather than a loose collection of random people who don't feel monogamy works for them.

https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/celebrating-the-new-polyamory-pride-flag

discoveringpolyamory, 3 months ago to random

Dealing with #jealousy in #polyamory can be hard. Jealousy is an insidious feeling that burrows inside us, cutting us off from the happiness of seeing our partner sleeping with, dating, or falling in love with someone new. We might be objectively happy with the idea, but the heart often refuses to listen to the brain in matters of love.

So what’s the trick? How do we go about combatting that nasty feeling that holds us back from experiencing the joys of compersion?

https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-jealousy-in-polyamory

discoveringpolyamory, 4 months ago to random

Exploring #polyamory is never something you should ever feel obliged or forced to do. There is a huge difference between stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

This can be a bit of a balancing act for couples, but it's never okay to force your partner into something before they are ready or to coerce someone to try non-monogamy even when they don’t want to.

It can take time to ease yourself into polyamory. For every person who can throw themselves into the lifestyle without a care in the world, there will be another who needs time to adjust. This can be a bit of a balancing act for couples, but its never okay to force your partner into something before they are ready, or to coerce someone to try non-monogamy even when they don’t want to.

discoveringpolyamory, 4 months ago to random

Being #ethicallynonmonogamous doesn’t make us immune to finding, or being, bad partners. In fact, it can be argued that we are more at risk, having fewer examples to follow.

So I’m going to take this opportunity to go through a few of the Red Flags you may encounter in #polyamory. Some are ones you and a partner can work on, while others are a sign that you need to Nope right out of there right now.

https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/red-flags-we-need-to-recognise-in-polyamory

discoveringpolyamory, 5 months ago to random

You would think that the idea of being happy for our partner’s happiness would be a no-brainer. But when our partner starts finding those connections with other people, it can be hard to break the conditioning that tells us something is wrong. Because that’s when all the internal insecurities can come rushing in, trying to convince you something is wrong.

And that’s okay. Because as hard as it can be sometimes, these feelings don’t stop you from feeling happy for them.

https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/yes-you-can-feel-jealousy-and-compersion-at-the-same-time

Terra, 6 months ago to random

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discoveringpolyamory, 6 months ago to random

#Polyamory isn't about dating every possible "type" of person or experiencing every possible variation on the word "relationship".

This leads to turning dating into a tick list of fetishised characteristics rather than individuals to connect with and build new relationships.

Dating should be about quality and connection, not quantity and enforced variety.

Polyamory isn't about dating every possible "type" of person or experiencing every possible variation on the word "relationship". This leads to turning dating into a tick list of fetishised characteristics rather than individuals to connect with and build new relationships. Dating should be about quality and connection, not quantity and enforced variety.

discoveringpolyamory, 7 months ago to random

Being polyamorous means doing the work to unlearn years of social conditioning and learning how to build healthy relationships.

But that doesn't mean #polyamory has to be your whole life.

It's okay to be quietly #polyamorous if that's your style.

When social media is the main way people can learn about polyamory, it can seem like the only way to "succeed" at living a polyamorous lifestyle is to make it the main focus of your life, 24/7. But, like all social media, this isn't an accurate representation of life but a carefully curated version of people's lives.

discoveringpolyamory, 1 year ago to random

Do you know what's fun?

Taking the ignorant, uneducated, and just plain incorrect things people say about #polyamory and obliterating all that nonsense.

So I have collected a selection of the comments I've received on my articles dismissing the #polyamorous lifestyle. This is not only so we can all have a good laugh, but it's important to know that things people will throw at you - no matter how hurtful - can easily be countered or dismissed.

https://www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/cheating-but-telling-your-partner-and-other-nonsense-youll-hear-when-youre-polyamorous