@RickiTarr well, I’m alive - so no (never thought I’d make it past mid-thirties at best)
Also, it really seems that every time I decide that I know what my life is going to be from now, what kind of person I am and where I am seeing myself in a few years - life decides to humble me down a bit, and I end up totally not what, where and how I thought I’d be.
@RickiTarr
In terms of my values and the way I treat other people, for the most part yes. I’m disappointed in my accomplishments; not because I haven’t had any, but because so far I’ve lacked the courage to go after the things I really dream about/want.
@RickiTarr
Been sitting here trying to think of who I thought I would be when I was younger and I got nothing.
It dawned on me the other day though that as a father to teenage boys, I became the responsible one which I didn't even know was possible.
@RickiTarr I’m much improved from just over ten years ago, and the difference has been knowledge about myself that I didn’t have for the first almost fifty years.
@RickiTarr when I was younger I started a novel, the main character had all the features of a grown man that I aspired to become.
I'm clearly not a detective like that character, but I like to think I'm somehow smart.
So maybe?
@HunkThunderzone@RickiTarr I had the idea that I would be dead at 24. My 25 th birthday was a crisis. I didn’t have much of plan after that. I was also t1ts deep in a legal crisis helping my bff defend her right to be a mom and a lesbian and dealing with kidnapping and all that, while working at a newspaper in Oklahoma when the bombing occurred and shifted the editorial agenda. The mid 90s sucked. How are we even alive?
@RickiTarr Not really. I don't think anyone here would be surprised at their development over time, and probably not really surprised at who's here now if given context. But I don't think little Feather would have ever predicted a lot of this.
@RickiTarr I can't remember what my ideal self looked like as a child but I know that if Child!Helen could hear about my life now she'd think, "that's fucking awesome."
Except she wouldn't say "fucking" because it wasn't until she was a teen that she felt comfortable using swear words and now says them out loud every fifth word or so 😁
I thought I would serve my country as a recon or demolitions expert. But my country was literally the bad guys and after starting my mandatory service I realised how fucked up my country was.
I don't know why I thought the military would be better. Held to a higher standard but it wasn't. It's was a racist cesspool.
So from there I studied trying to make myself well off. To be able live in a big house, with anything that I could desire. Turns out that I would sabotage myself at every turn. I eventually had a mental issues and later a full breakdown. Because my wants never aligned with my needs.
So no my life is nowhere close to where I though I would be. But I now know what the needs are. I am very short on energy but I think I know what it is that I have to do.
I do have a beautiful little house with an awesome garden. 2 strapping lads who online school and we play video games together. I have an amazing wife. And 2 dogs one the size of a small bear and the other I'm convinced is an arctic fox. So life is hard inside my head but I'm doing very well in all other aspects.
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