@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

TheBreadmonkey

@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party

Hi, I'm Ben.

I'm a heady mix of a serious responsible grown up man and a stupid man-baby idiot with delusions of grandeur.

I'm a big nerd, really into music, cooking, books, films and scifi. I hate/love running and generally love being outdoors.

🌱

He/Him

https://justmytoots.com/thebreadmonkey@beige.party

#nobot #noarchive #noindex #nobridge

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TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I hath bolognesed too hard

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I just remembered I had an amazing idea in my dreams last night. Woke up buzzing thinking it could be an actually genuinely good idea. Now I remember it, I'm not so sure.

Picture this.....

The Disney film 'Inside Out', only it's a grown man.

Characters would be just fucking awful, with Horniness basically in charge of the whole show.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I really wish people would start throwing porridge at Farage, just so I can think 'Nigel Porràge' when I see it.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Art

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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That TV trope where they realise who the killer is because they're always whistling the same song. Does anyone always whistle the same song? Is that a thing? I suppose I do often revert to absently sometimes whistling Black Grapes Reverend Black Grape, which is either not at all creepy or super creepy.

https://youtu.be/on5TLUz-ag4

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I know I'm a big hippy, but imagine if we could rehabilitate the awful people. The good they could do in the world.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma

Lock them in a room with me until they crack

TheBreadmonkey,
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@purplepadma

Urgh. How evil.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I have so much anti-motivation today it's astounding. Like medically impossible. Against all laws of physics and probability. If you could bottle it, it could be used to end wars. To dispel riots. You could instantly stop capitalism in its tracks. I genuinely think I should be studied for science (and paid a million pounds).

eleanorrees, to random
@eleanorrees@mas.to avatar

Thought I'd have a look at the minutes from the latest local NHS board meeting.

This is management-speak for "We're fucked."

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@eleanorrees @DJDarren

I remember the first time I went to visit my wifes family in Ireland and I woke up to the radio announcing the train was going to be 8 minutes late on the news.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Rupert Murdoch is a ballbag

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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GQs 1995 list of overrated things

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I don't think we need any more Marvel or Star Wars films or television for the moment

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

The internet is a confusing place. I was looking for news stories about Mr Blobby, then I somehow fell down an INSANE rabbit-hole so that when my wife came in and asked what I'm doing because I'm supposed to be getting ready, I said to her the following..................

I'm trying to verify that the man who holds the record for inserting most creme eggs into his anus was eaten by a crocodile.

I hate the internet.

(It's 9!)

Edit - I don't know if they were wrapped or unwrapped and I don't know if he was eaten by a crocodile as the Daily Sport asserts in their article.

TheBreadmonkey,
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Just my personal opinion, but I think 9 creme eggs is too many to have in your anus. I'd go as far as saying one is too many for me.

TheBreadmonkey,
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@PetraPhoenix

I just love The Blobby. What can I say.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Just got redirected to Reddit - not something I usually look at (but was reading a 'news' article about a giant slug that came from there), and one of the stories is 'where's all the banana yoghurt gone'.

Where has all the banana yoghurt gone? I haven't seen any in ages!

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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Monger Games
(iron and fish and that)

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

It's so funny being het wanting to show solidarity and join in with Pride but not really knowing what some of it means and not wanting to offend anyone. Sort of like I'm your mum trying to join in with your conversation about your interests. I do hope you have a nice time with your leatherfolk friends doing all that kink you like. Don't forget to drink plenty of water and if you must do crime please make sure you're careful.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

I'm supposed to be working

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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I've just read the amazing post by Musk that if a former president can be criminally convicted of...... loads of crimes..... then so can YOU!

Sorry everyone. We all have to stop doing loads of crimes now. Trump has spoiled it for the rest of us. He crimed too hard. His only crime?...... crime.

jef, to random
@jef@mastodon.social avatar

Today's front pages.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@jef

Meanwhile in England....

https://beige.party/@TheBreadmonkey/112535397176680727

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I should be banned from wearing white tops. There’s been a sriracha spillage

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma

Went for Indian last night in a white shirt. Both my youngest wore white shirts. Zero mess. Today - tried to sneak some 'Nutella' onto some biscuits, dropped and smashed it all next to the clean washing, covering everything in a tidal wave of chocolate. I'm like a modern day Frank Spencer. Ooh, Betty...I done a whoopsie. Etc.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
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OK, I will give it to The Star, just this once

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

Here's a fun thing that anyone can do if you want to give it a go! If you play this ABBA song, but instead of 'take a chance' you imagine they're singing 'Donald Trump', then this fun song with the wrong words will be stuck in your head for at least a day or two and will probably stay with you until you die. You're welcome, everyone!

(Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald-Donald Trump-Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald-Donald Trump-Trump)

ABBA. The Ayrian Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Blankety Blank squares. The most Swedish people ever. They're singing.... Donald Trump Donald Trump Donald-Donald Trump-Trump Donald Trump Donald Trump Donald-Donald Trump-Trump.

TheBreadmonkey,
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

@Alice

Just nearly choked to death reading this

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