ScruffyDux

@ScruffyDux@fosstodon.org

I love #FOSS & #libre, I love everything #creative, and I ESPECIALLY love libre creative software.

#Vegan - anti-speciesist not just plant-based

#Autistic - the disability AND the neurotype

#Krita #Inkscape #MyPaint #Kdenlive #GodotEngine #Blender #GIMP

Daily driving #KDE on #Manjaro #Linux.

Favorite art styles/techniques are digital painterly, photo manipulation, pen & ink, pixel art, vivid vector art.

Newly obsessed with mini painting.

Avatar and header both drawn in Krita.

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pathfinder, to Autism
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

Autistic brains be stupid. Well, obviously not stupid, they just seem to work, or not work, in mysterious ways.

The main one that has always got me, about mine, is that I have no memory for sound, absolutely none. I can't remember a song, or a sound. I can't remember what my parents sounded like and none of my memories carry, for want of a better word, a soundtrack. I can remember what I was thinking and what others were saying, but not hearing them say it, nor any other sound. I also don't dream in sound, at least as far as I know. All my dreams are silent.

And yet, and it's a big yet. I have an excellent memory for voices and sounds. Like many autistics I have near perfect pitch, at least when I'm hearing others sing, or music playing. Just don't ask me to reproduce it, because I can't. If I meet someone I haven't met for a while, then I will almost certainly not recognise their face, or remember their name, but there is a very good chance that I will recognise them from their voice. I am also very good at detecting accents. Even the slightest hint of one in, say, an actor pretending to be an american, will get me searching Wikipedian to see if I am right about their actual nationality.

So, if I can tell the sound of a Honda CBR engine two blocks away, or a voice, or an accent buried deep, I must have the memories to compare against. And yet... nope.

So, as I said, autistic brains be stupid.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

ScruffyDux,

@pathfinder @arisummerland @actuallyautistic I have a suggestion on how to remember, based on similar experience: by recalling the reaction you had during the dream as an observer to its content.

I recently confirmed to myself my dream visuals are much higher fidelity than my waking visualization this way. That's because during a dream I had a strong reaction to how visually beautiful an island was, though when I woke my visual memory of the island was too foggy to have caused that reaction.

ScruffyDux,

@pathfinder @arisummerland @actuallyautistic Occasionally I've been able to prompt dream topics by deliberately fixating on them before sleep. I wonder if you could prompt a dream of attending a concert or something similar, then try to remember your dreaming reaction.

Would be very curious to hear what you might learn.

skinnylatte, to random
@skinnylatte@hachyderm.io avatar

I know Rainbow Grocery has some real woo-woo shit but Vitamin Bs for autism takes it to a whole new level.

#ActuallyAutistic

ScruffyDux,

@skinnylatte As a relevant aside, I actually do take a stack of about 10 daily supplements that distinctly help with aspects of my autism, each of which has research backing it for autism specifically and has been personally effective for me.

Generic B vitamin supplementation is not in the list.

B12 is critical for a healthy nervous system, and all food sources are unreliable, but hence everyone should supplement it. It's not autism specific at all.

ScruffyDux,

@skinnylatte Sure, the 10 are:

  • D3
  • Sulforophane
  • Circumin
  • NAD+
  • Magnesium L-Threonate
  • Resveratrol
  • Glutathione
  • ECGC
  • L-Theanine
  • Zinc

I have distinct reasoning for each one and have arrived at this list through a good few years of reading publicly available studies then trying things on myself.

I also take benfotiamine, which is a form of B1, and there is some degree of indication from research a role may be there in autism. But it's less clear than the others at this stage.

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I googled “autism and traumatic brain injury” hoping to find something about living with both at the same time.

ALL the results were studies done to see if TBIs cause autism. 😒

Not one article, reddit post, quora post, was about living with both. Ugh.

@actuallyautistic

ScruffyDux,

@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic I had the same experience trying to find out if we might have a tendency towards blood sugar issues.

Thanks so much for your absolutely deranged research preferences NT scientists.

ScruffyDux,

@Tooden @ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic Yes, and 9 out of 10 studies act as though autistic people never grow up, that adults don't exist.

It's so tiring.

ScruffyDux,

@ashleyspencer @Tooden @actuallyautistic She said fucking whaaaat?! What a horrendous person. Gee, I wonder why so many of us end up "socially withdrawn".

And now I'm curious, what is your business?

ScruffyDux,

@Tooden @ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic I should've thought of that, thanks!

ScruffyDux,

@pathfinder @ashleyspencer @Tooden @actuallyautistic I've been trying to wrap my head around the seemingly irrepressible compulsion people have to form a hostile delusion that every single chronically ill or disabled person is faking.

It seems itself to be pathological and pervasive, and though I can make observations about them wanting to avoid discomfort or sharing, I still really don't understand its origins and it's level of strength properly. It's very strange.

ScruffyDux,

@Tooden @ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic I love these sites! Thank you Ashley for doing the good work.

You're actually doing what I've been thinking is the way. Forget about begging hostile people to treat us decently, give us jobs, research how to improve our health and so on, and start moving to do all those things for ourselves.

ScruffyDux,

@pathfinder @ashleyspencer @Tooden @actuallyautistic What do you think drives the vitriol?

ScruffyDux,

@pathfinder @ashleyspencer @Tooden @actuallyautistic That's one of the most upsetting things to me: When someone's defence against being othered is to look for whoever is considered lower on the hierarchy and point at them, saying leave me alone and go after them instead.

It happens all the time, in multiple contexts, and it's sickening.

alexisbushnell, to Autism
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

I'm watching the Jubilee "middle ground" episode (https://youtu.be/9FCixSEjUJ8?si=DuChJz4SMpmWVCYn) about #Autism and something the mum of one of the Autistic folks said sent me off on a "maybe I'm not #ActuallyAutistic" imposter syndrome spiral, so I'm gonna vent my issues with it here.

Basically she was talking about Autism being "trendy" now and "the spectrum" including anybody whether they only have sensory issues and nothing else, etc.

ScruffyDux,

@alexisbushnell I also watched it and that woman really bothered be too! A couple of things rattled around in my head for weeks after:

She kept going on callously about how impaired her daughter was and how much patience it takes to deal with her, right in front of her. To the point that lovely guy who is a singer turned and asked, "Hey Abbey, I have a question. What do you think your strengths are?", to which she immediately and enthusiastically rattled off several answers.

1/?

ScruffyDux,

@alexisbushnell And that she said, "My brother has sensory issues but he's not autistic."

I just kept thinking, okay, autism is highly heritable, your daughter is autistic, and another immediate relative just happens to have one of the hallmark traits of autism.

Maybe he's not autistic, but I really wouldn't be surprised if he is and has no hope of family support.

2/?

ScruffyDux,

@alexisbushnell It also bothered me this notion anyone who could do something Abbey couldn't mustn't be autistic. But Abbey can do things I can't do, so how does that make the slightest bit of sense?

And finally, saying, "It should be called Love on the Asperger's Spectrum". ?!?! Grossssssss.

3/3

ScruffyDux, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I knew depersonalisation and derealisation commonly co-occurred with autism. But for some reason it didn't click that it's an actual self-contained medical condition.

Just found the Cambridge Depersonalisation Scale. If you want to try for yourself here's a PDF link:

https://www.johnhartlandtherapy.com/downloads/Derealization/4%20Cambridge%20depersonalisation%20scale.pdf

A total score of 70 or higher indicates a dissociative disorder.

I got 147.

I just thought I was highly existentially philosophical. Here we go again comorbidities! #ActuallyAutistic

ScruffyDux,

@GreenRoc @actuallyautistic If I recall correctly, you take gaba related meds right? Gabapentin wasn't it?

Just reading up on DPDR, some of the medications used are also gaba boosters or glutamate inhibitors. I'm so not surprised.

So if DPDR can be GABA/glutamate related, like everything else in autism seems to be, it would make sense that your system would serve you up a heaping plateful.

ScruffyDux, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I just learned that stimulation of the body's proprioception systems in turn down regulates some aspects of the nervous system that are typically overactive for us.

I also learned proprioception stimulation is something Occupational Therapists prescribe for autistic clients.

Wondering if anyone can share any such exercises or methods an OT has prescribed for them?

Deep muscle & tissue stimulation is the general notion I've gathered so far.

ScruffyDux,

@servelan @actuallyautistic Very interesting suggestion, thank you!

ScruffyDux,

@Vincarsi @actuallyautistic Oh so you have hyper-proprioception? I should have thought of that being likely given we're hyper or hypo on almost everything.

Have you noticed any differences that jump out at you between your self and autistic people with hypo-proprioception?

ScruffyDux,

@Vincarsi @actuallyautistic So it's like, you have the neurological framework developed in excellent form, but you have to willfully turn it on and send system resources to it.

Which I'm guessing comes back to the aspect of many of our brains that we can do far fewer things on autopilot than allistics can do. It's conscious or not at all.

Btw I also noticed it seems a lot of autistic people love to climb. For the proprioception stimulation I assume.

ScruffyDux,

@GreenRoc @actuallyautistic Problems with proprioception are a huge thing for us. Definitely worth reading up on. Explains a lot.

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I'm curious—how do we feel about any/all of the following labels? Are we ok with them? Offended by them? Have attitudes changed at all recently? I've noticed we don't all use the same vocabulary here.

• on the spectrum
• ASD
• has autism
• with autism
• is autistic
• Autistic
• Autist


@actuallyautistic

ScruffyDux,

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic Fine with them all if well intended.

Not fine with "on the spectrum" if used to perpetuate it being shameful to say "autism".

ScruffyDux, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Decided I want a name for the way I am that wasn't created by allistics, and reminds me of my strengths. Recruited ChatGPT for ideas.

At first it was fixated on names related to being unique and divergent, but I don't want to define myself relative to others.

So I got it to list the strengths of autism, told it to forget the convo, then asked it to create a superhero name based on the abilities it had listed. Here's some responses:

ScruffyDux,

@actuallyautistic How about "Truthforge"? This name combines "truth" to signify the hero's commitment to justice and authenticity, with "forge" indicating their ability to shape and create solutions through perseverance and creativity. "Truthforge" embodies a hero who tirelessly works to uncover and uphold truth while forging a better world through their actions and independent thought.

ScruffyDux,

@actuallyautistic The really interesting thing is LLMs essentially regurgitate public discourse at scale. So you could argue this is how our strengths could/should be perceived if there were no stigma or presuppositions.

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