Married folks of Fediverse, if you could turn back time to few weeks or months before your marriage, what you would do differently (if you would like to)??
Meaning about the actual wedding? Maybe a different DJ or give him more specific instructions (he was good at doing what I specifically requested but bad at using that to figure out what else might be good). Don’t trust that someone else’s taste is like yours.
We didn’t spend too much or stress too much, it was fine. It was never my dream, husband wanted a wedding and not anything specific so we just sort of hosted a big party with a wedding as part of it.
Remember it’s just a blip in what is supposed to be a very long relationship, the wedding is not the important part.
Pay attention to the hand she gave me to put the ring on. Oh well, not sure anyone noticed.
Tapped the keg much earlier in the day for the reception. I had no idea that it needed time to settle.
Make sure we had someone to get the snacks out while we were taking pictures. Seriously, have one designated person, who is not in the wedding party, handle stuff like that.
Find a different caterer. While the food was pretty good, they missed the vegan plate for my brother-in-law, despite us being really, really certain it was covered. Drinks and water were a disaster. I really think we could have just brought in a fuck-ton of tacos, sodas and water and we’d have been good enough.
Make damned sure the jeweler’s idea of the ring is clearly the same as yours. We had a custom ring made for my wife and I think the jeweler failed to take good notes and the result was bad, very, very bad. We had the ring re-made, after it was presented and before the wedding. Her ring was very nice for the wedding.
But, not a lot. Sure, the year or so before the wedding was stressful. We did the planning ourselves, put together complex invitations, “save the date” fridge magnets and all the programs. But, because we did give ourselves a year to get it sorted, we had the time to find what we wanted. We had also been living together for a couple years by the time we got married. So, it was more a “ya, we should probably finally do this” than any sort of pressure to “start our life together”.
Everything went smoothly with the exception of the limousine. I ordered a party bus and received a 90’s Lincoln stretch on its last leg. It was a little embarrassing but we all made the best of it. If I could go back, I’d definitely book with a different company.
I would have had a local barbecue joint cater the wedding instead of getting a fancy caterer. The food was the most stressful part of our wedding and it wasn’t even that good for the price and trouble.
Would keep the strawberry shortcake instead of wedding cake though, that was bomb.
Other than the food I wouldn’t change a thing. I married the right guy and he’s just gotten more awesome with time. And we had a (relatively) low-key wedding to start with so there’s not much I have in the way of regrets.
Would have gotten us both mental health drugs and therapy way sooner. Would have had some honest conversations way sooner than we had them. We wouldn’t spend nearly so much time angsting about making other people, especially our parents, happy around the wedding itself because a lot of those things didn’t matter in the long term but took away from our enjoyment of the event for our sake.
Sometimes I think this too. But if I was 27 again, I’d still want to do the whole shebang. It’s only with the experience of having done it that I would choose not to do it again. Although it was freaking expensive…
I would have pushed back on my mom’s plans regarding the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Most of my side ended up missing the rehearsal because they were stuck in traffic and the wine they brought had turned because my mom stored it improperly (in her hot garage). However, my marriage is fine almost 15 years later so I’d probably save this history altering magic for something else.
Take a much more relaxed approach to the whole thing. We were young at the time and so worried about the expectations of our families that we forgot to make it into a fun day for ourselves.
Same. If it were just up to the wife and I we would’ve simply gone to the courthouse and signed some stuff but we decided on a ceremony because it was “important to our families” and did things more traditionally than if it were only the two of us. We would’ve had a lot more fun with the whole thing if we could have just realized that the day was for us and about us and should’ve been done our way.
I’m on my second (and very likely last) marriage, and that’s what I’ve tried to impress on my kids. I’d like to be there when they get married, even if it’s just a courthouse thing, and after that I have no expectations for what they do. My first kid eloped, and I was disappointed I couldn’t be there, but was still happy for them.
We we had been living together for two years and had kids. My mom wanted us to do a small ceremony at a beautiful park near her house but i was resistant. We did the courthouse alone and then just went home. I wish we had listened to her and really celebrated with at least our parents present. Looking back it feels like we made a business transaction out of what could have been a fun, romantic day. Just had our 30th anniversary.
It was a bad day. I wasn’t present like I should have been. I’d go back in time, remind myself that this is an important day to just experience, and do that.
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