@Alice@beige.party
@Alice@beige.party avatar

Alice

@Alice@beige.party

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Photos on Pixelfed: @Alice

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rephlex00, to random
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Even the dumbest idiot is worth more than the smartest machine.

Alice,
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@rephlex00 This is the dumbest thing I've ever read so you're clearly overvaluing your own self worth.

Alice,
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@rephlex00 I'd rather communicate with a Teddy Ruxpin than an idiot.

Alice,
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@rephlex00 Every single time.

Alice, to random
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It's kind of hypocritical for the people of the south to be so against face masks when they seem to be totally fine with even more cumbersome face coverings, such as white hoods.

Alice,
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@WhiteCatTamer This is a good idea. I had a similar idea to print logos on condoms to encourage trashy people to use them. Honey, do you want to use the NASCAR condom or the Slim Jim condom?

Could apply the same to face masks.

TheBreadmonkey, to random
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party avatar

HIVE MIND!

My teenage daughter is desperate for something good to watch (TV or film). She's pitched I guess around age 15/16 and loves La La Land, Stand By Me, Ladybird. She said comedy but not too much comedy (but didn't want me to mention that's she's watched Brooklyn 99 and Good Place about 4 or 5 times now, so I won't do that). All my suggestions are a bit dated and I wondered if any of you cool cats out there in hipster land might know of some things she might enjoy? X

Alice,
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@TheBreadmonkey Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!

Alice, to random
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The most shocking thing about Vivica A. Fox is that she felt compelled to include her middle initial to differentiate herself from all of the other people named VIVICA Fox.

Alice, to random
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I bought an in-home device to remove unwanted body hair and I've been really happy with how well it's been working, but my biggest concern is whether or not I’m always going to want my remaining pubic hair to be in the shape of a pot leaf. Like, I know it's timeless NOW, but will I feel the same when I’m 90?

Alice,
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@noondlyt BRB Gonna get this emoji sequence tattooed as an armband because you KNOW that shit is timeless.

Alice, (edited )
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@mivox Oh, that's a relief, because upon second thought I think my 90-year-old self will want my pubic hair shaped into a full marijuana bush.

Alice,
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@SNerd 😂

Alice,
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@emmreef I can't get high off a fern. Trust me, I've tried.

Alice,
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@mivox Nah, it's fine. I've had a merkin since I was ten. I’m prepared to dust it off.

coffeepine, to random
@coffeepine@beige.party avatar

Just saw a post urging Americans to "Vote Blue" if they don't want violence at their protest camps.

double-checks party affiliation of current US president who is in charge of violence in protest camps

blinks slowly

Uhmmm....

Alice, (edited )
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@coffeepine The example in that post is terrible, but this is a serious matter in the United States.

We only have two possible candidates for election. Biden OR Trump.

Nobody wants either, but any vote not for Biden is a vote for Trump and that is definitely the worst outcome.

Nobody is excited or happy, but the most important thing is to ensure that our votes legitimately count as a vote against Trump.

As a result, Biden it is.

Alice,
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@coffeepine We're definitely angry, but this is our reality and we have to act responsibly in this election to ensure Trump doesn't win, so that means voting for Biden.

We already had this happen in the 2000 election when Al Gore and Bush Jr. were running and a bunch of people with good intentions voted for Nader, but that meant what likely would have been Gore votes were then split and pushed to Nader which resulted in Bush winning the election.

We've all been here before and it's VERY important that people vote for Biden to ensure that doesn't happen all over again.

Alice,
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Alice,
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@maddad @DebR @coffeepine The problem is the people who vote for anyone but Biden.

I rarely get political on here and I’m not Biden's biggest fan, but I’m also not an idiot so I know that I need to vote for him because it's our only chance of keeping Trump out of office.

athena_rising, to random
@athena_rising@beige.party avatar

Came across a job posting for a position that is research and data analysis heavy. It sounds like it could be very interesting, and I probably should get to work drafting a cover letter and tailoring my resume, but honestly, my Imposter Syndrome is flaring hard, and it feels like it would be wasted effort. I hate this timeline.

Alice,
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@athena_rising Given the reverse imposter syndrome of most men, I suggest that you apply because you'll still be more qualified than 50% of the candidates.

Alice, to random
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COVID aside, we should have been wearing masks all along because who wants to eat food that a bunch of strangers have mouth-breathed all over?

Alice,
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@dabertime It's always the kids with the most impactful spittle flying everywhere. And of course they miss at least one candle and go back for a second round.

Alice, to random
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Don’t invite me to your baby shower if you don’t want me peeing all over it.

Alice,
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Alice, (edited ) to random
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The Doppler Effect is like how my voice sounds higher when I'm chasing after you but lower when I'm running away from you.

steveportigal, to random
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Sammy, a hot dog mascot with strips of yellow fabric emulating the appearance of the hot slaw, was a hit at the festival.
(via NYT)

Alice,
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@glasspusher @steveportigal Oh no. Put that mustard jizz in a Petrie dish and tell me what you find.

Alice, to random
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It's a good thing Louis Pasteur had a decent last name to lend to an acceptable term like pasteurized milk because can you imagine if his last name was instead something like Jizzeur?

Alice,
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@Kierkegaanks @amiserabilist @glasspusher I think that was Charlottesville Virginia, but they're all from the same family tree.

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