Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 220 , Tuesday 04/06/2024
My Pavlovian response got me up at 06:30, so hobbled down to breakfast.
The meds the Doc gave me yesterday are doing the biz as far as reducing the pain goes, if not the swelling.
It’s so nice to be able to walk again , even if it is only a shuffling gait!
The meds are also messing with my digestive system, had an egg butty for lunch which grumbled its way thru me this afternoon. So rather than a some ham & a bit of salad for tea it was soup, again !
Oh I hope this speed of recovery is maintained!
Final Thoughts.
Every thought I have at the moment is directed at getting my foot back to normal & not looking like a prop front the Elephant Man !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@dgar@Tim_McTuffty@mathi_gwithyas oi I have just rebuilt it after it was totalled by the rogue grey squirrel in their surprise raid. They also took all the nuts!
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 219 , Monday 03/06/2024
Another disturbed night, slightly better than last night because I had learnt some lessons on ewhat my foot would & would not tolerate.
Went to see the GP this morning, I have, in fact, got gout . So on a 4 day course of Colchicine … the GP was very specific about the 4 days - apparently 5 days = my entire digestive system liquifying & a decent stay in the local hospital !
The new meds are working a storm in association with the pain killers , this evening I am walking (well shuffling) sans crutches ! It hurts like hell, but importantly it is bearable !
I hope that this means that I will get some decent sleep tonight !
Also made an appointment to see yon GP about my ADHD assessment in a week or so , so the journey continues !
Final Thoughts.
I am so relieved to be coming out of the other side of this gout flare up , is has been one of the most painful experiences of my life !
Hopefully future episodes will be avoided via ongoing medication.
I really hope that seeing yon GP later this month will be a positive move in my ASD journey !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 216 , Friday 31/05/2024
Up just after 6am today.
A quiet day, the only thing of real note is that what ever is wrong with my left big toe is getting worse.
There are no signs of injury but it hurts to touch & is making it hard to get comfy at night.
Today I caught it as I tripped over one of the Varmints & it hurt like a bugger !
I am slowly falling apart - if anyone wants me for medical science now’s the time to get your bid on ! 😆
The weather has slowly improved today , this evening is lovely & sunny, if a little chilly !
Final Thoughts.
Even being retired, Friday is a special day. I realised it’s June tomorrow - nearly 6 months gone already !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Good day sweets,
I hope you get to a GP and have that foot checked out before it falls off 😉 better be safe than sorry!
I've had a busy day where I helped mum. And worried over my gall, she can't seem to catch a break... 😔
Hope you're having a good night!
🤗 Hugs from me and boops from my royal sweetness 🐾 💜
Do you know what I tell my children when they bump into something and it hurts?
Blow on it once and give it a kiss and then everything is fine again...
So blowing is ok... But then a little kiss on the toe... hmh...😂 😂
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 214 , Wednesday 29/05/2024
Up a little later today as Mrs S. was working from home.
Still fighting the agoraphobia , sometimes I wish I didn’t live so very far from my family, they would come round & drag me out.
But they live nearly 100 miles away & have their own lives.
Spent the morning totally indecisive about what to do.
Made some egg sandwiches for me n Mrs S. for lunch , then , as per had to clear up & wash the dishes too.
Ended up reading for a couple of hours then hit Fo4 after lunch.
Went wild & forsook the soup option for tea, in favour of spaghetti hoops with a couple of slices of toast - I really need to break out of the house so I can get some real food !
Final Thoughts.
Stupid brain going nuts about going outside !
I need to get myself out of this current episode , it’s not as bad as some I’ve had , but it is doing my tree in!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 213 , Tuesday 28/05/2024
Up at 6m as Mrs S. was back in work today.
Another day of fighting the agoraphobia & losing . The spectre of the world beyond the front door playing havoc with my mind.
Watching others sally forth, both in analog & digital life makes me realise how far I have to go to get better.
I would go to the GP, but the whole thing over the ADHD assessment has badly shaken my trust in them.
Also I am so very aware of the state of the NHS & I feel that I cannot deny other, more worthy souls their opportunity to get medical help.
So chores are done and now I roam the countryside around Boston in the virtual world of Fo4.
I was analysing my current play style & I am being so very logical about it - for no reason. I need to relax & play the game as I encounter it, instead of maximising companion potential or trying to do stuff in a set order.
Got a new stand for the iPad today , gotta get used to the new layout - it’s more comfortable if a little odd at the moment.
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes my autistic nature makes me miss communication cues. I fail to respond in the way folk expect , sometimes say things innocently that are misinterpreted because there are certain rules that I either don’t know or don’t understand.
I am kind by nature & like to see the best in people, I like to compliment folk, often the old adage ‘it’s nice to be nice’ comes into play.
Sometimes I do not recognise the unseen, unspoken edges of what is acceptable, people have blocked me before today for being too familiar too soon.This upsets me a great deal when it happens. Thankfully it has not happened since I got my diagnosis.
Now I know I am autistic I take steps to try & avoid the more obvious pit falls , but sometimes I forget or get a little over enthusiastic & folk bring me up short. Then I back away & something is lost.
I had hoped that my GP would help me find the help I need but they seem disinterested. For now I am on my own.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 212 , Monday 27/05/2024
Up really early today (05:30) which is ironic because it’s a public holiday & I should have had a lie in.
Hey ho.
Bit of banter on Mastodon - congrats to @dgar for a very respectable 3rd place in #FediVision24 btw !
Binge watched ‘Traces’ series 2 - not a bad series !
Final Thoughts.
I was in quite a dark place this morning & wrote a whole thing on things that triggered me, but I’ve mellowed out during the day.
The upshot of this is that I have gone from epically insightful final thoughts to this ! 🙄🤦♂️ 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 210 , Saturday 25/05/2024
Up earlier than I wanted, Pavlovian response kicked in 🙄🤦♂️
Went for a walk this morning , the British summer was on its best behaviour & did me proud !
I saw the shadow of a butterfly, not the wee beastie itself, which inspired my muse to spout a little poem.
Tried to sit down for my lunch, first the sky went seriously dark so we had to get out & get the washing in , then the door bell went & the Postie wanted to leave a parcel with us for a neighbour. Then 3 minutes later he was back as the neighbour had appeared at their door !
For Nuggan’s nuts will I ever get this sarnie eaten!
Lunch was finally finished & followed by a lovely coffee 😊
Hovered up then watched ‘Traces’ with Mrs S.
Finished off the evening with some ‘B’ movie.
Final Thoughts.
I don’t write poetry often - but sometimes the urge takes me & I scribble a little nonsense.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Yay for walkies... You know how I feel about good walkies... 😊
And writing can be so relieving when you've been dealing with loads of thoughts and feels.... So hopefully it helps you feel better!
@Tim_McTuffty
🤗 Glad you're feeling a bit better. And yeah, the moments we're on our own can be quite good as we can be ourselves all the way then... 😊
Have a good night sweets 😘
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Tuesday 21/05/2024
TL:DR Late up today , so was more or less ignored. Clues to whether I’m AuDHD & if I’m going thru a burnout period came to light from fellow ND Peeps.
I had a somewhat enforced lay in this morning, in that I was so exhausted that I simply slept thru all the noise that would usually wake me up.
I finally got up around 07:30. Life obviously went on without me, even though Mrs S. was working from home.
Me: I’m a total introvert & wish to be alone.
Also Me when wife zones me out because I was late to get up: I’m so lonely !!!
Is the mind of an ND bananas or what ! (Possibly some for of nut in my case 🤦♂️ )
I risked a ‘proper’ breakfast this morning - I seem to have survived it 😊
I would normally have cleaned the bathroom today, but because I’m not feeling so good that didn’t happen. I know from past experience it won’t get done until I feel well enough, be that days or even weeks 🙄🤦♂️
I wrote a little while back , when I got the results of my assessment thru , that the Consultant Psychiatrist had suggested that I be assessed for ADHD too. That is currently on hold.
But , & here’s the thing I read a toot ( linked below) from @ashleyspencer that totally spoke to me & I recognised EVERYTHING she was talking about !
Well call me a Squirrel & bounce a walnut off me ‘ed !
I number of other folk on here have suggested that I had ADHD symptoms , but I could never put the whole package together in my own head to the point that I ‘felt’ it!
Maybe I need to pull the whole ‘getting ADHD assessment’ off the back burner ?
I also realised ,based on a toot from @pathfinder (again see the link below) that I may well be experiencing a period of autistic burnout - it seems to be so similar , in key ways to where I am at the moment. No wonder I’m struggling!
Got back into the post-apocalyptic world of Fo4 this afternoon, I had forgotten how enjoyable this game is.
Final Thoughts.
I am struck once again how much I am coming to depend on the @actuallyautistic community to help me progress on my ASD journey and understand more about me!
Special thanks to Ashley & Kevin for pointing the way today. 🙏
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Ello sweets!
First of all, don't stress getting the "labels" too much. While they can be helpful at times, nothing much will probably change once you have them...
In my experience, it helped me to get a better understanding of why I do things. I can explain my reasoning a bit better to friends and family.
But others won't treat you differently if they don't care to begin with... You'll still be who you are. There's no medical solution that can "fix" everything. Even without the official label, you can still be validated as being ND in more than one way. ITMS... 🤔
I did have some group therapy for the AuDHD and it didn't help me one bit... 😔 People even told me I used my diagnosis to have a reason to be an asshat 🤔 so it won't make that much of a difference to have the label, don't pressure yourself too much...
What helped me was to read about it, I read the easier books like the Dummy ones, as the more technical were harder for me. I tried to talk about it with people that supported me. My bestie even asked to read the dummy books so she could have a better understanding. 😊 But not all people are like that. Some will see the label as an excuse for your "bad behavior" towards them... 😔
Just wanna say, read, talk, explore and not stress about it.
Having an official label won't change who you are on the inside. And to many people on the outside, it probably won't make a big difference, unfortunately...
"Just" my experience since being diagnosed in early 2011. Things may have changed since then, maybe they're better in the UK than they are here... I went in for ADHD testing and came out with AuDHD in the end. But what helped me most was the self awareness. Why do I think and do differently and why that isn't bad or wrong, perse...
Sorry, long reply!!! Good luck 🍀 and I hope you'll find an inner peace with it all. Because that may help you to feel a bit more relaxed, perhaps. 🤗
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Monday 20/05/2024
Was up till the early hours of this morning with stomach cramps after last nights daring attempt to eat scrambled eggs & beans for tea.
Spent the day getting lots of exercise up & down the stairs to take a pew, if you get my drift.
Attempted to interact on here a couple of times but my brain is apparently on sick leave so it didn’t go exactly to plan 🙄🤦♂️
Hopefully tomorrow will be better !
Final Thoughts.
Is the babel fish truly a fish if it spends most of its life out of water ?
This & other great questions of our age will have to wait until I can think straight!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Never stop dreaming of a future.
And remember you may be able to give yours a direction with the choices you make...
At least that's what I am trying to do 😇
Take your vitamins, eat well, exercise some 😉 and hopefully it will all add up to feeling better soon!!!
It has for me, so I share this from my experience. We're all different of course. But I do believe with a healthier body also comes a wee bit happier mind. 🤗 😘
Have a good night sweets 💜🍀 and 🐶 👅 🐾 from Arwen 😉
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 203 , Saturday 18/05/2024
Ruff as a bears bum today, no energy, no appetite, everything I do hurts.
It’s probably only man-flu again, I seem to catch every bug going at the moment & regular Squirrel Spotters will be aware that I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to common or garden illness. 🙄🤦♂️
I keep plodding along, hoping that I catch a break at some point.
I am better this afternoon, this morning I felt like death warmed up, lunch was 5/6 of 2 rounds of toast - don’t ask - & tea will be venturing into the dubious gastronomic delights of a can of tommy soup.
I am a little brighter & well enough to write my diary, so that is an improvement.
Final Thoughts.
Please can someone hail a Delorean to transport me back to my 40s ?
I have to say that I am in total awe of those folk I know who live with chronic pain, chronic depression is a walk in the park in comparison, you peeps are the bravest folk I know!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Oof I guess the Chinese and pizza don't exactly hold many vitamins nope... Nor will it be effective to help Woof in the right direction. 😔
Would be smart to get a wee bit healthier foods in there or at lest some helpful supplements to get some of the needed vitamins at least....