f1337

@f1337@hachyderm.io

OFFLINE INDEFINITELY TO PROTECT MENTAL HEALTH.

((giant-ginger-giraffe.gif)). Full stack web, application, & infrastructure engineer.

Past: VA.gov, Chase Mobile, Disney.com, StarWars.com, NCC Group, Resource (now IBM/IX).

🎮 Games playing: #XenobladeChronicles (all), #NoMansSky.

🧑‍💻 Working with: #Ruby, #Javascript, #Golang, #Docker

💩 Opinions: mine, they change as I learn & grow.

Tired. #ActuallyAutistic. he/him/mf.

🖼️ Hueso w/ Cigarette by B Fleet. Header image by Unicorn Social Club.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

f1337, to mentalhealth

Thing I learned at #MentalHealth camp:

SURVIVAL = BELONGING

cc @actuallyautistic

#ThingsILearnedAtMentalHealthCamp

f1337,

@everyday_human @actuallyautistic

Sorta, I’m using a little artistic license to describe the program at Sierra Tucson (Tucson, AZ, US):

https://hachyderm.io/@f1337/112355442034070559

f1337, to mentalhealth

Things I learned at “#MentalHealth camp”:

  • #Trauma is a wound to the body, mind, & spirit.
  • Trauma, while caused by past events, actually lives in the body, in the present.
  • Healing from trauma does not require re-experiencing the event. We can heal from trauma that we don’t remember.
  • A multimodal approach to trauma recovery is ideal. Not every mode works for every person.
  • The behavioral model for mental health is fundamentally broken pseudoscience.

@actuallyautistic

f1337,

@redscroll @actuallyautistic

Happy to! The short version is that behaviors are symptoms. They are often symptoms of neurological damage and/or organ injury. Treating behavior is therefore obviously not treating the cause. But separate from treatment, diagnosis based on behavior alone is fraught with contradictions, misunderstandings, and diagnoses that range from inaccurate to harmful.

f1337, to actuallyautistic

🤔 Is pathological demand avoidance a form, or derivative, of the freeze response to trauma?

@actuallyautistic

autism101, to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Let’s talk tags on clothing. I hate them and they annoy me to no end. And even if I cut them off, the tiny bit remaining always manages to touch me and I hate it. 😩

Do tags bother you?

@actuallyautistic

image: unknown

f1337,

@autism101 @actuallyautistic
Tip: if the tag has two parts, pull them away from each other using equal force, and the tags will tear apart, without harming the stitching.

olena, to actuallyautistic

I’ve heard today that people don’t form habits, they create routines.
I thought of my ‘useful habits’ - and yeah, right, they are routines.
But then I thought: well, what’s the difference then? What is a habit if NOT a routine?
Can anyone help me with examples of what may be a habit, but not a routine?

@actuallyautistic

f1337,

@VoxofGod @olena @actuallyautistic
Based on my personal experience…

I no longer believe that “behavioral addiction” is addiction. Behavioral “addictions” are soothing/coping mechanisms that have negative effects on the person or their community. They are behavioral self-medication. They are relatively easy to replace with behaviors/habits that meet the underlying need. Although identifying the underlying need, and replacement behavior, is often hard.

f1337, to actuallyautistic

In case it hasn’t been said already: The movie #Nimona feels a lot like representation of the #ActuallyAutistic experience. At least it does to me.

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic

Do my #ActuallyAutistic comrades have a carb addiction?

If so, you’re not alone.

Do you find that carbs regulate you? Or dysregulate?

@actuallyautistic

f1337,

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
The inflammation that comes with them is a lot to manage. But like others have mentioned, too few leaves me in a brain fog. It has taken me decades, literally, to find a balance that works for me.

haui, to actuallyautistic

Being @actuallyautistic and for me means I often get told the following, initially:

„No! You‘re wrong! What a shit take! You have no idea what you‘re talking about! Stop the drugs, man!“ and the like.

After some discussion, people say:

„I have not thought of it this way. I got you wrong. We should actually consider doing it your way. You seem to have deeper insight than the average person.“

This often makes me question my place in this world. Anyone else?

f1337,

@haui @actuallyautistic
My career, summarized.

The most frustrating part is when colleagues contact me to apologize two years after harassing me out of a job. I knew I was right, I knew they were behaving defensively not rationally, and I knew they were assholes already. The apology is entirely about them feeling better for apologizing: Nobody offers to restore my job.

f1337,

@haui @actuallyautistic
(I’m in the midst of the harassment stage at current job, feeling kinda salty about it, apologies if reply was extra)

kkffoo, to actuallyautistic
@kkffoo@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic do any of my autistic co-groupies have any tips for not losing weight over December / Christmas? The extra stress makes it harder to eat good portions for regular meals and my usual snack routine gets a knock too. I did manage to grab a small bowl of full fat ice-cream last night, which is not my usual supper, but seemed a reasonable compromise. Any other ideas?

f1337,

@kkffoo @actuallyautistic
I have the opposite problem now, but for me the solution is similar either way: Eat more protein, less sugar. My protein requirements have increased with age. Plus all the healthy fats that I can reasonably ingest. Carb loading has never worked for me outside of intense cardio conditioning. As always, YMMV.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic

Do my comrades have difficulties with tying their shoes?

If so, you're not alone.

@actuallyautistic

f1337,

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
Shoelace locks for the win.

Dr_Obvious, to Autism German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @audhd
With respect to #monotropism and #autism and #AuDHD there is often the question, whether one is oriented on small details or the broader picture.

Generally I am on the small details side. But I saw a post about systems thinking today. When it comes to technical problems like software, data flow or a scientific hypothesis, I have the feeling I have everything simultaneously in my mind. All the small details, but all at once.

f1337,

@marytzu @Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic @audhd
Threads of thinking collide!

Similar thought:
https://hachyderm.io/@f1337/111540336190432229

PossiblyAutistic, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Normally when developing software, one has some mental model of data structures, contro flow, and the like. It probably does not have all details, but it's like an idea of a diagram in one's head, which can be dumped to a whiteboard. However, some people don't seem to have this. They can name what they want to achieve, and start modifying code, but they don't seem to be able to communicate any intermediate abstractions/concepts of what they envision. A sort of aphantasia?

f1337,

@PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic
Disclaimer: 100% unverified opinion follows. Not remotely science.

I have aphantasia. Yet I can imagine and diagram a complex system from scratch. Or I can diagram a complex system from observation.

I wonder if it’s more that some of us are what Russell Ackoff called “systems thinkers”. People who think in systems naturally. And I am inclined to assert that autistic folk are generally natural systems thinkers.

f1337,

@PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic
Again, this is my opinion:

If we are natural “systems thinkers”, that might help explain our “sensitivity” to our environment. As in, we are attuned to changes in the environment that others are not, precisely because we are systems thinkers that see variables others don’t see.

And then I wonder if we haven’t been saving humanity from natural disasters and whatnot for millennia.

f1337,

@PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic
Aye. Don’t get me started on the Agile industry. It’s a gigantic failure factory.

18+ f1337, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic
Question for those for whom suicidal ideation, passive or active, is common:

Imagine yourself in a stable/good place, with minimal ideation, you feel safe. And then you are confronted with a possible terminal illness diagnosis. Do you find yourself feeling a bit…relieved at the possibility? Almost as if “it’s about time”?

Or am I just morbidly fatalistic? 😝

f1337,

@roknrol @actuallyautistic
Also of the universe is gonna give me cancer, I get be a cantankerous fuck, high on morphine on my way out. I can think of worse ways to go.

f1337, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

I don’t understand it. But somehow, the physical pain of closing the car door on my thumb, has helped me process some trauma.

I was deeply distracted by processing when I shut my thumb in the door. The quick, intense pain pushed my already overwhelmed emotions from tearful to bawling. After the physical pain turned to numbness, I noticed that I felt better about the emotional pain too. Much like a good Esketamine crying session. Except horrible. 😂

eo, to actuallyautistic
@eo@dads.cool avatar

Even if I am laughing, I usually find comedy stressful. You too? @actuallyautistic

f1337,

@eo @actuallyautistic
Specifically cringe comedy, yes.

Physical comedy? I love it, unless it’s harmful to others in some way.

Comedy that mocks power, ridicules abusers, and otherwise undermines evil? That’s my soul fuel.

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix, to Autism
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

Autistic burnout is one of the greatest crises that an Autistic person can face.

People often think of it as similar to depression, but it can take many diverse forms.

#AskingAutistics what does burnout look like for you?

#ActuallyAutistic #autism #Autistic #AutisticBurnout #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd

f1337,

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @audhd
I wonder if it’s a form of Functional Neurological Disorder.

f1337, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic
Are there any grants available for disabled and/or autistic business owners in the US? Including state-specific grants?

I’m doing searching myself, coming up empty, but figure it’s worth asking the broader community.

Boosts appreciated. 🙏

Thank you!

autism101, to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Autistic people may be dealing with many other issues, dubbed comorbidities by the medical community. I've listed some of them in the mind map below. Many can’t be seen by others.

@actuallyautistic

f1337,

@autism101 @actuallyautistic
+PTSD
+Functional Neurological Disorder (FND)

Private
f1337,

@brainpilgrim @marenf @actuallyautistic
Same re: high protein diet. Especially as I age (late 40s), I find I need more protein to maintain my energy. My current baseline is ~120g protein daily, before adjusting for activity.

Private
f1337,

@Vincarsi @Dremmwel @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
Thank you. I have deleted multiple clumsy attempts of my own to make this point. It seems like a handful of folks are taking Matthew’s legitimate anger at a real phenomenon, and misinterpreting it as anger directed personally at them.

He has experienced antisemitic hate, first hand, in this community. I witnessed it. I agree we should call it out, then stamp it out.

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