LinuxAndYarn, to random
@LinuxAndYarn@mastodon.social avatar

How can you tell a rust monster is nervous?

It won't stop chewing its nails.

#DAndD #BadJokes

LinuxAndYarn, (edited ) to random
@LinuxAndYarn@mastodon.social avatar

X: "Did you hear the news this morning about that actress who stabbed her husband?"

Me: "No, what happened?"

X: "News said they were at breakfast and she just stabbed him out of the blue. It was Reese..., that blonde, um, Reese..."

Me: "Witherspoon?"

X: *No, with her knife."

The guy at the Costco gas station told me this as he was filling my tank. (It was Jersey.) I could not believe he got me, and I was laughing so hard that I left forgetting I also had to go into the store.

#BadJokes

That_One_Guy, to dadjokes
@That_One_Guy@mastodon.world avatar

A mole family was foraging for food one day and came upon a garden.

Papa mole popped up and said, "I smell peas." 🫛

Mama mole popped up next to him and said, "I smell carrots." 🥕

Baby mole, who was too short and couldn't quite get up said, "Well, all I smell is molasses." 😁

#dadjokes #badjokes

leeleedee, to dadjokes

I have been putting post-it #DadJokes in my husbands lunch pack each morning, so when he sits down to lunch out in the field, he gets a giggle.

Today's one was:

After a bad harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

'Cause he had so many sick beets.

I really don't want to run out of #BadJokes so if you have any crackers, toot 'em at me!

baralheia, to dadjokes
@baralheia@dragonchat.org avatar

Overheard from one of my hubby's coworkers in their team meeting:

"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

At work, I have a work station..." 🤣

#DadJokes #BadJokes

KissAnne, to Horses
@KissAnne@mastodon.social avatar

I see dead #horses 😬 #badjoke #badjokes

KissAnne, to Humor
@KissAnne@mastodon.social avatar

Sorry for the quality of my ! 🤭😂

anomnomnomaly, to random

Does anyone else find it weird that a woman lied over 2 thousand years ago about how she got pregnant and now I get to have some new socks and a toblerone every December.

#BadJokes
#SorryNotSorry

anomnomnomaly, to random

Remember folks, if Santa asks if you've been naughty or nice this year. Always say 'Am I under arrest?' If he answers no, then say 'So I'm free to go then?'

Know your xmas rights

#BadJokes
#SorryNotSorry

anomnomnomaly, to random

I have this strange fear of getting stuck in a lift with one of those guys dressed in a red & white suit with a fake beard at this time of year.

Apparently it's called Claus-trophobia.

#BadJokes
#SorryNotSorry

tim, to random
@tim@union.place avatar

I hereby dub thee: Switzerland

#BadJokes #ElectricalJokes #IYKYK

devleader, to random

Why did the programmer stay in bed?
...
..
.
He was working on his REST API.

#devhumor #geekhumor #badjokes

KissAnne, to Jokes
@KissAnne@mastodon.social avatar

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. 😂 #badjokes #badjoke #badjokesonly #joke #jokes

That_One_Guy, to dadjokes
@That_One_Guy@mastodon.world avatar

Why do vampires not bite ghosts?

They taste like sheet.

#badjokes #dadjokes #Halloween

anomnomnomaly, to random

If I make dad jokes, but I'm not actually a dad.

Does that make me a Faux Pa?

#SorryNotSorry
#BadJokes
#BadJokesOrDadJokesCanYouTellTheDifference
#MyHashtagsAreFunnierThanMyJokes

anomnomnomaly, to random

Yeah, I know... I'm just terrible at keeping secrets.

#BadJokes

anomnomnomaly, to random

Somebody glued my pack of cards together and now I'm having a really hard time dealing with it.

#SorryNotSorry
#BadJokes

histoftech, to dadjokes
@histoftech@mastodon.social avatar

Did you hear about the chef who rented a second apartment just for his utensils?

He calls it his spatula pad.

#dadjokes #jokes #badjokes

200ok, to animals
@200ok@mastodon.social avatar

NGL I think she actually goes the Tigers #catsofmastodon #gingertabby #badjokes #latergram (latertoot?)

KissAnne, to Cat Finnish
@KissAnne@mastodon.social avatar

This is one of the best #cat photos I have ever seen. I don't know who has taken it. #peek #blackcat #blackandwhitephotography #catsofmastodon

KissAnne,
@KissAnne@mastodon.social avatar

@randynose lol excuse me I think there's a serious leak under your sink. 😂🤭 #badjokes #humour #leek

That_One_Guy, to random
@That_One_Guy@mastodon.world avatar

I heard on the news that UPS handles 24.3 million packages in a day and thought damn, that's only a few more than your mom.

#badjokes #yourmom #NotFunny

A drum line after a bad joke.

c0dec0dec0de, to puns
@c0dec0dec0de@hachyderm.io avatar

What do you call someone who is always sure they put the batteries in the right way?
A terminal optimist.
#BadJokes #joke #puns

AnnaSaultron, to random German
@AnnaSaultron@nerdculture.de avatar

#PennedPossibilities 18 MC POV: Tell us about a time you had to let go of something you loved or wanted.

Kira: "Dad & mum as they died, my dad as he died. I lost contact to my mum. Tanja as she went away. Anika as she went M.I.A. No I don't think she is dead.
It feels different more like with mum not with the others. I know it in my guts."

A.S.H.L.E.I.: "Commander the facts paint another picture & your guts aren't scientificly proven. I am sorry."

AnnaSaultron,
@AnnaSaultron@nerdculture.de avatar

#pennedpossibilities 187. Extra #badjokes If I add just the word soup here, without any further explanation my former toot gets a complete other feeling...

So
SOUP!

DoctorLURK, to MagicTheGathering

🎵 Koma, Koma, Koma, Koma, Koma's Coil, Meal, Eon (hub) 🎵 #MagicTheGathering #BadJokes

ashi, to Jokes

If I ever become a herpetologist (not likely) I'd like to do a TED Talk so I can say, "Thank you for coming to my Tad Talk."
#frogs #tadpoles #herpetology #jokes #badjokes

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