Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 168 , Saturday 13/04/2024
TL:DR EDF round 2, otherwise a fairly normal Saturday.
Not a bad all told.
Up around 7am, breakfast, fussed the cats then chores.
Got an email from EDF today , once again they have buggered up the bill ! I am sick of them they really are the dregs of the Power industry !!
Monday will see the start of a search for a new Gas / electricity provider , I am done with these cowboys !!
Hit ESO to vent some frustration, sometimes being a game addict has its advantages!
The new insoles to help with the PF in my right foot arrived around lunchtime so have fitted them into relevant bits of footwear.
Finished the day watching a few more Supernatural episodes & then started a Terminator fest.
The original is from 1984, in many ways it has survived well, but the special effects fail on a HDR 4K tv, you can almost see the string in the fighter scenes !
When Arnie gets his eye damaged the automaton they use is fairly blatant.
Some of the tech is , not surprisingly, ancient now - Walkmans & old corded phones.
But for all that the film is still very watchable.
Final Thoughts.
I refuse to allow EDF to screw with my MH again - it took me 6 months to fully recover last year (into the beginning of this year) ! So adios robbing buggers .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 166 , Friday 12/04/2024
TL:DR
Up at 6am , busy this morning get chores out of the way in time to vamoosh down to the GPs for my Physio’s appointment.
The cats were not impressed, no time for too much fussties so far today (they’ve buggered off to bed in disgust ! 😆 )
Got to the GPs in good time - a good 10 minutes early - so sat , more or less on my own, & merrily got anxious for no good reason ! Thankfully the Physio was a nice chap who saw me a little early & it was a quick consultation, exercise , freeze me foot periodically & get some support for my shoes.
Also Project WOOF is back on , I can go walking & the schedule with the supports (one has to break them in slowly apparently) fits with my schedule for getting back exercising.
Need the supports, so that (in my little Squirrel mind ) = one last day of resting it - just to make sure 😆
Had a great day on ESO, I have a character build that is actually surviving! I can run dungeons & not die, even solo ! (This is very unusual for me ! )
Been trying to fine tune the skill set, but honestly I can’t think of another setup that will work as well !
I might tweak the skill bar layout, but that’s all.
Pizza was had for tea, sadly they sent the wrong on, it was a chicken one so acceptable.
The stress from the GP acting so poorly earlier this week has left me stressed - the dizzy spells are back!
Final Thoughts.
Today was a good day, & yet ASD / depression has to have its pound of flesh.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 166 , Thursday 11/04/2024
TL:DR A quiet day, but fought & won against my demons so not too bad at all!
So despite a restless night I was up around 6:30am , anxiety about having to make calls & having to fix the printer.
Long story short , printer fix - network settings had got wiped somehow , after a bit of swearing & the usual threats involving taking axes to major data banks the little sod gave in & victory was achieved!
Called Virgin & after 30 minutes of wrangling got a new contact , better package not too bad deal.
Played ESO today, got a new build that seems to work - heavy on the healing 😆
Got the 1st physio appointment for my foot tomorrow so that’ll be fun.
Final Thoughts.
So the recovery cycle starts again.
So up & down this year.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 165 , Wednesday 10/04/2024
TL:DR Well honestly I’ve had better days.
Was brave this morning, despite many misgivings & a general dislike (understatement of the century!!) of using the phone I made an appointment to go see the GP about my ASD assessment & my foot.
Foot - physio sorted for Friday .
ASD assessment was a joke !!
GP was determined that there was no further help forthcoming in the immediate future from the NHS.
He picked up on the fact that the Consultant suggested I approach the National Autistic Society & that was his main gambit.
The fact that the NAS , being a charity, cannot refer me for further assessments or treatment seemed to bypass his reasoning entirely. We also got the ,not unexpected, ‘oh I know nothing about Right to Choose’ This is exactly what the GP who referred me for the ASD Assessment said, I feel the Practice are very sadly lacking in their training! More to the point I believe that GPs want nothing to do with it because the costs come out if NHS budgets. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were not briefed to pretend it doesn’t exist!
I had thought that MH provision in the UK had improved - not so much it seems!!
So where we stand is : I am going to make a further appointment , this time with the GP who set up the RtC ASD Assessment, hopefully there will be a little more co-operation ! In the meantime I guess I can start investigating the NAS & the help they provide.
Why are MH services in the UK so very , very poor !
I am having a cheese & onion crisp butty for my lunch, I am aware that it is utterly unhealthy & guess what, I don’t care !
So because I have had a rubbish day and am super low on spoons Virgin have decided to bill me for next month on the full rate before I have had time to negotiate a new rate - guess what I’m doing tomorrow !
Also the printer is bust - probably needs a factory reset which is always fun 🙄🤦♂️
I am completely out of silverware of any form !!
So about an hour ago (17:30 ish) I realised that it is my Uncle & Aunt’s wedding anniversary on Friday!
This tipped me over the edge. I literally could not process what to do about it !
Mrs S. stepped in gave me a selection of cards , we picked one , I wrote it , it’s getting posted in the morning.
I feel physically ill.
I am nauseous, the dizziness is back, my brain doesn’t want to work, & the promise of a takeaway had to shelved because I now really can’t face food.
(Update: soup has been consumed ).
Final Thoughts.
I knew this journey would not be easy, but I really did not expect those tasked with helping me to make it worse !
All my fears & anxieties are reinforced by that GP. I am honestly wondering if it might not be easier to say ‘hey I know I’m ND ‘ & leave it at that.
So much for opening doors !
I am going to post this then vanish into the mist.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 162 , Monday 08/04/2024
TL:DR My mother warned me there’d be days like this ! (Not really she never knew I was autistic .)
Up at 5:45am, not by choice I might add!
Breakfast, being abused by the mogs & then chores started the day.
It’s really weird what triggers me.
So our new neighbours across the street from us (who I have met 1 half of (Bev) once ) asked us to be key holders while they are away for 2 weeks . Which is fine.
Me being me started doing the job properly & popping over of a morning & of an evening just to check it was all locked up.
Just went over (circa 10am) & did my checks & it turns out they have a Ring doorbell.
I’m walking away & this voice shouts out ‘Hello?’
Long story short, it turns out it’s Ian , Bev’s hubby (who I have yet to meet) wondering why I’m wandering around the property. I explain & it’s all good.
Only it isn’t … I feel like I’ve been caught burgling the place , anxiety levels are thru the roof & I’m close to closing down as I write this.
It has destroyed the whole morning - I KNOW this is illogical, I KNOW I’m catastrophising but I cannot shake the feeling I have done something wrong !
I don’t want to feel this way again so I will be giving the place a once over from our front door for the duration.
So spent the afternoon on ESO hiding away form the world !
Final Thoughts.
I always thought the catastrophising was a function of my depression , now I’m not so sure. I do know that social interaction with anyone I don’t know freaks me out.
Humaning is hard - am Squirrel !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 162 , Sunday 07/04/2024
TL:DR some days are made for reflection - but that isn’t always necessarily a good thing.
Sunday dawned , but I wasn’t there to see it, fast asleep ‘till 8am .
A slow, lazy day. A day of sunshine & rain.
I exchanged thoughts with someone I hope I will get to know better, I realised that I am sailing the sea of life without the first clue what I’m doing! I pretend to be an adult, but really I take each day as it comes, deal with what I can & sweep the rest under the carpet ! The stuff that’s under there will take 2 lifetimes to clear !
I look at folks on here & marvel at how they cope with stuff that would have me hiding under the table !
Extreme imposter syndrome !
Final Thoughts.
See this is what happens on quiet days when my mind has far too much time to contemplate all kinds of things like life, the universe & everything!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 161 , Saturday 06/04/2024
A quiet Saturday, usual stuff chores, gaming etc.
Did get to meet our new neighbour from across the road, a lovely lass called Bev - handily shes a Physio so got some sound advice for my PF - which I think is extremely fortuitous!
Final Thoughts.
In a world full of folks with questionable actions & even more questionable morals it’s good to know that folks like the Peeps that share my TL & folks like Bev are out there too !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 160 , Friday 05/04/2024
TL:DR A quiet day disturbed only by the Laundry habits from hell! Also I like being Neurospicy !
Today was a quiet day, a few chores, reading, gaming & some banter on here.
I was stuck, as I have been before how little, insignificant things can trigger me - I was almost paralysed this morning when trying to deal with the laundry herself had hung up , such a haphazard way of doing it, so many needless creases , added drying time etc. None of it world changing , but it basically shorted my brain out ! I had to try & ‘fix’ it, at least to the extent that I could look at it & not freeze!
Final Thoughts.
There was a discussion on my Home feed today about what description ND folk use for themselves .
I like to use Neurospicy on here but out in the analog world I think I predominantly use ‘Autistic’ . It’s kinda the difference between wearing a t-shirt & lounge pants indoors where you’re comfortable & something a little more formal when you go out & about !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 159 , Thursday 04/04/2024
Much better today, managed to do afairly major housework chores that had been left in abeyance while I have been ill / incapacitated, but done now. Only another 100 or so to go , hey ho .
Bit of time on here & some ESO to keep me out of trouble this afternoon.
That was my day .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 158 , Wednesday 03/04/2024
TL:DR Eating out, chores , tv . Once more realising what a dull life I have lead.
Last lay in of the holiday , up at around 7:30am.
Breakfast etc then spent some time on here catching up.
Went out for lunch to a semi-local eatery - had a very nice brunch bagel ! (I must try & remember to get foodie shots when we eat out 🙄) .
One of the nicest things about where we are is that we are on the edge of civilisation, I can go for a 15 minute walk & be in the countryside! Pretty much anywhere we go out for lunch, especially in the Spring or Fall will be a pretty run out too!
Define serendipity: when you go out during the 3 hour window your meds are due to be delivered & return at exactly the same time as the Postie rocks up with said meds in hand !
Watched ‘Boat Story’ this afternoon, aided by a slice of salted caramel cake & a coffee.
Final Thoughts.
I should be writing a happy piece here , I mean it’s been a decent day , but for a whole variety of reasons I am just deflated. I wonder if this is simply my natural base state.
Oh course there’s a whole stack of stuff that gets omitted.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 157 , Tuesday 02/04/2024
TL:DR Sleep , tooting, pizza, sopping ( as opposed to soppy ) cats!
Slept like a baby last night for a lonnnnng time! I’m defo getting on top of this bug!
Spent most of the day on here, catching up & generally having a good time.
I told our neighbours (a young couple in their late 20s) about my ASD diagnosis this morning - they were like ‘OMG that’s terrible! ‘.
I really don’t think of being Neurospicy as being terrible, simply as being wired differently.
MH education has still got a long way to go I fear.
It will be interesting to see how they treat me from now on.
We spent the afternoon feasting on ‘Blue Lights’. Season 1 - Season 2 starts in a week or so 😊
Herself is on the penultimate day of her holiday today so we had a naughty pizza for tea !😊
She wants to go out for lunch tomorrow , who am I to argue 😆
Alice has literally just wandered in from her 10 minute evening stroll (it’ll be much longer come the warm weather) absolutely wringing wet ! Sophie likes to be dried when she comes in , Alice is like ‘leave me alone , I’m old enuf to dry myself !! ‘ ‘Also I will l scratch your eyes out if you come any closer with that towel! ‘
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes the hardest part of this journey is knowing , no matter how hard one tries others will see those of us who are ND as ‘broken’.
I still think that it is interesting that ND folk have to conform to NT norms , even when the ND traits are either harmless or occasionally even beneficial (more interestingly the AI in the autofill wanted to use ‘destructive’ where I was going to put beneficial ! sighs ).
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 156 , Monday 01/04/2024
TL:DR Oh please , really, you could have read the main body of text by now !
Ok super short version because I’ve a) been ill b) left writing this till just before I fall asleep .
There are some truly fabulous folk on Mastodon, I would outright name them all, but I haven’t got that much time before I conk out & I would hate to miss anyone. So if you’re reading this & helped keep me company of the last 2 days consider yourself included !
Spent the day on the road to recovery from Squirrel SNOT disorder ( a rarely seen complaint , SNOT being short for ‘Sniffles, Not Overly Traumatic ‘ ) . Not there yet , but progress is being made.
So much watching of movies & then some cop show that I totally didn’t follow - I blame being distracted by you lot for that !
Some more banter on here followed & now I’m ready for bed!
Final Thoughts.
Squirrel fans rock , both the ND & NT ones, you’re all totally fantastic!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 154 , Saturday 30/03/2024
TL:DR Saturday ! ; ASD revelations ; Neurospicy - sprinkle liberally if you want your community to flourish!
A quiet Saturday, I didn’t sleep well last night & have been out of sorts all day. I’m feeling cold too , which is generally an indication of me having caught a bug.
Reading @pathfinder s post today about the effects of delayed ASD diagnosis made me realise how angry I am with all the GP’s & MH professionals who failed to look past my chronic depression and see the underlying condition. Thats a minimum of 36 years where my life was lived on a false premise.
I’m not angry with my parents & teachers for putting me in situations that I was never going to be able to cope with, I’m pissed at my parents for ignoring my depression & pretending it didn’t exist , but to be fair the 1970s & 80s were not a time when the world looked kindly on anyone who was different!
I am grateful to all those in the last 150 ish days that worked to get me my assessment and ultimately my diagnosis , starting with the MH Practitioner at my GP’s who was the first to realise that I might well be Neurospicy ! Good call that lass !
Had a ‘healthy ‘ Chinese takeaway for tea (chicken , king prawns & veg , lets not mention the egg fried rice eh ) & watched ‘Olympus has Fallen’ - a turn your brain off & go with it adventure movie. Yes I know that it leaves much to be desired but sometimes I just need the traditional hero saves the day while the building falls down on him scenario .
Final Thoughts.
I am glad that there is a strong Neurospicy presence on Mastodon , it makes the transition from ignorance to self appreciation & acceptance somewhat easier - although there is still a LONG way to go on that journey !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 153 , Friday 29/03/2024
TL:DR Humaning is hard - so am Squirrel!
Yet another lay in - it’s gonna be hard next Thursday when Mrs S. goes back to work!
Spent a lot of today on here - too much perhaps.
So this afternoon I was surfing my Home feed on here , so much hate !
It triggered me big time!
I would like to say it was just trolls , then I could just block them, but most were folk I know.
I am wondering if SM is still for me.
Sadly it seems it is , it is my one functional interaction with the world & is hard to step away from.
Plus there are still many folk on my TL who are lovely, kind & somewhat more reserved in expressing their views.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in free expression , but perhaps bundling all members of a demographic together inevitably includes those who are simply innocent bystanders, or are actively working to change the ‘crimes’ of that demographic !
Sometimes I wish I didn’t tick the boxes in almost every hated demographic going.
I guess at least I’m in no danger of competing the set - I’m unlikely to become a fascist billionaire anytime soon.
The day was rescued by pizza, cider & Silent Witness.
Final Thoughts
Humaning is hard - so am Squirrel!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 152 , Thursday 28/03/2024
TL:DR If you liked Sophie, you’ll love Alice 😊
Would you believe it another lay in. Then breakfast & chores as usual.
So Alice mog got jealous of Sophie’s debut on here yesterday & wanted a little of the limelight herself!
Where Sophie is into getting brushed Alice adores being on my lap on the recliner & being stroked !
We start if I’m involved with something - of an evening generally when I’m writing this diary, but she likes a morning & mid-afternoon session if she can get away with it !
It begins with her circling the chair , tail erect, like a furry version of Jaws! Then the shouting starts, both the girls can be very vocal when they want something!
I hold out , for maybe 2 minutes 😆 , then cave. We have to have her comfort towel ready, otherwise there’s the whole bouncing on & off the chair until the sacred towel makes an appearance.
Then there’s the padding , because we need a well softened human to sit on !
Alice loves having her head stroked - if I spend too much time stroking her back or ticking her tummy & there not enough head stroking we get the head butts 😆
Once the head strokes & scritches commence & we get the 100db purrs and the waggly bum!
Re-roped the cats scratching posts today - of course now they smell different Sophie n Alice are ignoring them 🙄🤦♂️
I think I need to get walking again , if only short walks , if my PF plays up then so be it!
Watched ‘After the Flood’ which was tense & enjoyable, with a nice twist at the end !
Final Thoughts.
Ok that’s both of the agents of darkness & chaos covered. Back to business as usual tomorrow 😊
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Got a proper lay in this morning , thankfully because it was a rough night , much laying bed staring at the ceiling in the wee small hours !
I’m loosing ground on all fronts, mental , physical & exercise.
Up at around 7:30 am breakfast & then the thing I forget to put in my diary every day!
Sophie time - Sophie mog LOVES being brushed with her purple ‘zoom groom’ ™ brush -(other cat grooming brushes are undoubtedly available , but Sophie doesn’t love them ! ) .
She has learnt my routine & sits , semi patiently, waiting for me to get up to relocate to my recliner to drink my coffee . Then she ‘pounces’ or rather throws herself dramatically on her favourite spot & performs ‘dead cat on carpet ‘ looking at me pathetically until I cave (about 30 seconds - what can I say I’m weak ! ).
Then we have about 10 minutes or so of me brushing her, head to tail - ‘more on the head Dad, more on the head !!’
She will drop onto her side to regally allow me to brush her tummy & then will put her head in my hand as I brush under her chin - her absolute, total , best most favourite thing ever! The paws go then & the purring starts & we have to continue until she is sated, or risk the dirty looks & being grumbled at !
When she has had enough she gets up , settles into a seated position & lets me know, in no uncertain terms that she is finished with my services 😆 . Honestly I’m not a cat slave 😂.
We have to repeat this at tea time or we get none stop pestering till bedtime !
I got a major trigger this morning, I went to check the renewal quote for the insurance & I swear Admiral Insurance don’t want our business anymore!
I did not have the spoons to deal with the robbing bar-stewards today , herself managed a £100 ‘discount’ so I may leave it at that. We also got notification that the initial deal with Virgin is coming to an end, so I will need all my resources to deal with those extortionists!
We went out to lunch , gammon , egg , pineapple & chips helped restore some of my spoons as did the ride home thru glorious Yorkshire countryside!
We finished our JP fest this evening , it’s been a ‘turn your brain off’ blast !
Final Thoughts.
Sophie is a complicated soul, but she has that feline ability to drive one mad then melt ones heart. She & her sister Alice, in their own different ways , are my sanity!
I am a little overwhelmed at the moment because a lot of things are demanding my attention , I hope I can work thru them & come out the other side !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 150 , Tuesday 26/03/2024
TL:DR A little bit of everything & then some horticulture!
Up at 7am , breakfast & a couple of episodes of Qi to start the day.
Chores were completed & then got a little time to play NMS while Mrs S. went shopping.
Actually got round to doing something slightly different - repotted one of the Dragon Trees that have taken over upstairs.
It had outgrown its pot & gone a bit feral.
It’s in brand new , luxury accommodation & has been moved to the lounge, I’m expecting great things from it , I may use Crawley’s tactics !
Some Mastodon antics today - always enjoy engaging with you lovely lot !
We have worked our way thru to the 4th Jurassic Park movie - I’m loving this fest 😆.
Final Thoughts.
Everybody do the dinosaur 🎶🎵
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 147 , Saturday 23/03/2024
TL:DR Celebrating Mrs S.’s birthday, & finding out my tootsies are buggered for a while!
Got a lay in this morning , Mrs S. has circled Sol once more & so is on a holiday.
We lazed te morning away & then went to one of our favourite locations for lunch. The trip is a scenic one thru hills & valleys & even the intermittent bad weather struggled to have an impact on the beauty of the countryside we drove thru.
The meal we had for lunch was delicious - Roast pork with veg & all the trimmings !
A gentle perusal thru the attached farm shop resulted in many treats to see us thru the next few days !
We movied the afternoon & evening away, first ‘Ghostbusters:Afterlife’ & then ‘The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes ’.
We ate too much & drank a bit too much & the evening went swimmingly 😊
In other news - the pain in my feet seems to be plantar fasciitis , in both feet.
I seem to (literally in this case) limp from one health issue to another, whilst it is nowhere like as bad as the chronic pain others suffer & live through day by day , the seemingly endless drain on my physical & emotional & mental resources is beginning to tell & I am turning into someone I no longer recognise.
Final Thoughts.
Why does every good thing have to have a counterpoint!
Hey ho , life goes on .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 146 , Friday 22/03/2024
TL:DR Up early, walkies done, pressies wrapped, ESO played! ASD slowly being understood.
Up at 6:30am despite herself being on holiday, I had hoped for a bit more of a lay in.
I was on my own for most of the day as herself was out with her Mum.
Went for a walk - I’m paying for it now my foot is killing me! Walk in the morning, limp the rest of the day !
Took the opportunity to wrap pressies for Mrs S. I thought that might be classy it being her birthday tomorrow and all .
I managed to get a couple of hours on ESO before herself got home, tweaking the new spec on my character, I’d be good at this if only I could stop dying !
On a ‘Silent Witness’ fest , we’re on series 26 so can’t be too many left !
Final Thoughts.
Slowly coming to grips with the official diagnosis, some of the findings are a little mind bending , at least I can now say for certain - I officially don’t understand people.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 145 , Thursday 21/03/2024
TL:DR An average day with a nice meal chucked in this evening for good measure!
Today has been an average day, did the usual things, got triggered by the usual things , hid away a little bit more.
We went out for tea , our new fave eatery does a ‘steak night’ on a Thursday & herself fancied it as a pre-birthday treat.
It was delicious !
Just a simple , but generous, sirloin steak with chips, a big field mushroom , a grilled tomato & a creamy peppercorn sauce ! YUM !
I’m not saying that I enjoyed it , but that plate had a pattern on it when I started!
We got back home for 8:30pm & , even though she’s off tomorrow , she vanishes upstairs & deserts me.
ESO beckons.
Final Thoughts.
I wonder if this whole weight management thing is worth it - perhaps I should enjoy all that the culinary world has to offer & accept the consequences, millions of others do after all, & all trying to fight it is doing is making me more miserable.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 144 , Wednesday 20/03/2024
TL:DR My hermit like tendencies are creeping back ; Yay for a clean coffee machine ; Who knew I was an anti-social git with all the subtly of a brick 😆 ;Will I ever forgive me? Stay tuned to future episodes !
Quiet day today, seems to be my SOP at the moment.
Hiding mode is starting to be engaged, why I’m not entirely sure.
Cleaned the coffee machine & zapped the shower cubicle with a weak bleach solution to combat the mould that has got a foothold while I’ve been ill.
Will try & finish cleaning the rest of the shower tomorrow.
Played some NMS this afternoon. Need to choose a new book !
Late this afternoon I got the ASD Assessment report that has been sent to my GP.
Whilst I did pursue this route & do see in myself a number of ASD traits the things the Psychiatrist picked up on while we were talking are disconcerting to say the least!
I hadn’t realised my social interaction was quite that lacking, but I guess there are some aspects of human communication and interaction that one cannot learn by mimicking others.
Sufficed to say , when I applied for the Pre-Sales tech consultant role, a move that ended my professional career, I never stood a Squirrel in Hell’s chance !
I will need to read this assessment several times for the full implications to become clear!
We settled down to watch TV with our tea when herself finished work, I did the dishes as per, then I went to change the hand towel & tea towel in the kitchen, only to find that herself had mixed them up when she put them away after they had been washed. This may seem trivial, but things like this trigger me because it’s not ‘right’.
When things aren’t ‘right’ it is physically & mentally distressing. I guess this is my ASD expressing itself.
So now I’m tired & triggered & wanting to hide. Can’t wait for her to desert me & bugger off upstairs!
Final Thoughts.
Wow, it comes as a shock to realise , at 56 , just how poorly one fits in with NT society. I have (not surprisingly given recent revelations) never been a ‘people person’ I am utterly at sea with subtle body language & can only really recognise emotions when they are unambiguous & out in the open.
I wonder how long it will take for me to forgive myself for not being a greater success professionally, given what I am now coming to understand about myself?
I wonder if I will ever move away from being my own worst critic ?
On a positive note I can now tell my Dad that my shit school reports were not all down to laziness !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖