Apparently they are suprised to learn that I don’t magically gain empathy over time. I was born with only a few shits to give per day, and that number ain’t going up.
Usually minor talents, knowledge, or the like. I.E. I can sew, knit, and crochet fairly well. I also know a decent amount about makeup and hair as well as am able to help apply (make-up) pretty well too.
I spent a decent amount of time helping with those things growing up and helping past partners too. It’s fun to help them get all gussied up! They have to do the color matching though. I’m absolutely terrible with that.
About two months into dating my now-wife we came across a street piano. I sat down and started playing which blew her mind. She had no idea that I could play. Somehow it hadn’t come up (I’m pretty out of practice) but she acted like it was a big secret I was keeping or something. It was kind of fun to surprise her even though I didn’t do it on purpose.
The first thing that often comes to mind is I have honeymooner’s nose. It’s a medical condition where my nose stuffs up whenever I’m aroused, which is like having the libido equivalent to Pinocchio’s nose. All my BF’s find out and are all like “wait, so you didn’t have a cold all this time” and people go from under-suspecting I like things to over-suspecting I like things.
Despite this, this leads to another thing that comes to mind, being that I’m asexual. I can technically tolerate physical time with a guy if I prepped, but I don’t “want” it, look forward to it, or enjoy it. It’s just a long ass chore. I do have fetishes… an ice fetish, probably the third thing about me that would surprise any guy I would date. But body to body connection does nothing, hence the asexuality label. If my honeymooner’s nose acts up around a guy, it’s because they somehow triggered the fetish.
Shit, this is so weirdly interesting. Is it possible for you to explain how can an asexual person get aroused? I’d have imagined those things were kind of connected? Or is sex just a fetish we have but you don’t? How does this work?
It helps to think of it in terms of the etymology. If you’re homosexual, you’re interested in the same gender, and if you’re bisexual, you’re interested in both genders, which means if you’re asexual, you’re interested in neither gender. However, it doesn’t mean you’re interested in nothing, as that’s not necessitated. This confusion is where the terms “libidoist asexual” and “nonlibidoist asexual” come from, the latter being one with absolutely no drive and the former being one where a trigger can pop up in a random place that is itself mutually exclusive from one’s experience with human relations.
It’s also the hallmark of an asexual if physical experience is not necessary. The norm among humans is that, once a certain age is reached, they become dependent on physical satisfaction. There exists a scale I document though that goes from dependency to feeling averse. This is why it’s often stressed it’s a spectrum, but the rule of thumb is you are considered asexual if you can pass as perpetually physically satisfied without any work.
I’ve got an ace friend with ADHD, you’re not alone!
One thing to remember about pretty much anything neurological is that we fucking suck at understanding it. It’s likely we’re grouping a lot of different causes and symptoms that look similar together so there will be a lot of variations in our symptoms and how we respond to different medications.
I lay out all my problems on the table pretty immediately, so I wouldn't say surprised by, but probably least expected would be that for a guy my sex drive is very low. I've been about half to a quarter as driven as any girl I've been with.
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