bitterkarella

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

2
Alex Garland: ok so, as we all know, men are trash
Garland: i mean, am i right, ladies?
Garland: not me of course!
Garland: i'm elevating women's voices

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

3
Garland: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the men
Garland: it's about a woman who rents a vacation cottage from Austin powers
Garland: like with the teeth and the voice and everything
Garland: he's all "eh eh smashing, baby! yeah baby yeah"
Garland: "shagadelic!"

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

4
Garland: and also every man in the whole village is played by the same actor!
Angela Carter: the same actor?
Carter: is it mike myers?
Garland: haha no but wouldn't that be great?
Garland: "Oh behave! yeah baby!"
Garland: "thats my bag, baby!"

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

5
Garland: finally! a movie that dares to ask
Garland: why are men
Angela Carter: that is a very good question

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

6
Garland: you're all gonna love this
Garland: some have said my work is highly vaginal
Garland: The word itself makes some men uncomfortable
Garland: Vagina.
Patricia Highsmith: yeah i don't like that

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

7
Garland: so this woman is in this vacation home
Garland: when a naked guy starts harassing her
Garland: "yeah baby!" said nobody since this was not good

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

8
Garland: of course none of the MEN take her seriously
Garland: cuz she's a woman!
Highsmith: yeah well you know how broads are
Highsmith: always hysterical
Garland:

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

9
Mary Shelley: if some guy showed up at my house, i'd fuckin stab him
Garland: she does! she stabs him in the hand
Garland: the stab wound is a vagina
Shelley: well then, she ain't stabbed him hard enough
Shelley: i'd stab him right in his vagina hand, i don't give a fuck

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

10
Patricia Highsmith: damn mary you'd just stab a man?
Mary Shelley: i ain't no sexist
Shelley: i'd stab a woman too
Shelley: show me a woman, i'll stab her right now
Shelley: look i just love stabbing, honestly

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

11
Garland: each man represents one of the negative aspects of toxic masculinity
Patricia Highsmith: why are we always talking about the negative aspects of toxic masculinity
Highsmith: why don't we talk about the positive aspects of toxic masculinity?

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

12
Garland: then the Austin powers guy steals her car
Garland: because toxic masculinity often compels men to steal cars
Garland: meanwhile, overhead, the milky way galaxy spreads across the sky like a great big vagina

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

13
Garland: i hope you ladies are ready for the big finale!
Garland: does anyone here like M preg?
Angela Carter:
Patricia Highsmith:
Mary Shelley:
Garland: ok this ending might no go over as well as i thought

bitterkarella, 1 day ago

Help us make a second season to the Midnight Pals podcast ... including a big splashy musical episode!
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-midnight-pals-podcast-season-2/x/3079876#/

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

6
King: i think
King: i think i need to sit down for a minute
Poe: are you going to be ok, steve?
King: yeah, i'm
King: yeah
King: i just need a minute
King: phew
King: my heart is racing

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

7
Barker: how is this possible?
Barker: Stephen king - master of the macabre! - scared of fat people!
King: look, it's not that strange
King: a lot of people are scared of fat people
Barker:
Barker: no i don't think that's true
Barker: think this is a you thing, steve

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

8
King: well, think about it
King: if you see a clown walking around outside of a circus, that would be pretty scary right?
Barker: ok right
King: now imagine if you saw a fat person walking around on the street, like it was normal or something-

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

9
King: it's just not healthy, you see
King: that's why scientists invented the weight loss pill that makes you shit yourself to death from Meg Elison's story "Please Don't Invent the Weight Loss Pill that Makes You Shit Yourself to Death"
Meg Elison:
Elison: I am going to murder you

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

10
Longmore: so the feeder has a whole facility full of women that he feeds
Longmore: until they gain weight
Longmore: they're called gainers
Longmore: stop me if i'm going too fast for you

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

11
Longmore: ok so imagine a fat woman
Longmore: just the fattest woman ever
Longmore: just so huge beyond belief, absolutely gargantuan
Longmore: like the size of the entire planet
Longmore: like 464 pounds
King: holy shit guys this is the scariest story I've ever heard!
King: i am legit shaking!

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

12
Longmore: so this guy is feeding a fat woman a stack of pizzas
Longmore: and the pizzas are all
Longmore: [falsetto voice] heeeey you should eat us! we're delicious!
Longmore: [falsetto] we're pizza! look at us! we want to be eaten!
Longmore: [falsetto] we're gonna be so sad if you don't eat us
Dean Koontz: oh no i hope the pizza gets eaten!

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

13
Joe Koch: this sucks
Koch: the pizza should speak in an Italian accent
Barker: yes
Poe: no don't say that joe!!
Lovecraft: oh jesus
Lovecraft: oh god
Lovecraft: [sweats] oh jesus

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

14
Koch: the disc of cracked dough, crimson gore as red as god's menstrual flow, hissing fleshy tentacles of mozzarella, pale as the broken spirals of the universe, splayed open in a tattered furl of the anal fistulas of sundried tomatoes

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

15
Poe: oh max you should like this, you like pizza
Max Booth III: why does everyone keep saying that

bitterkarella, 2 days ago

if you like what we do, check out our indiegogo to make a second season of the midnight pals podcast!
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-midnight-pals-podcast-season-2/x/3079876#/