@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

bitterkarella

@bitterkarella@sfba.social

Cartoonist & text game guy, founder of the Midnight Society @midnight_pals Genderfluid transvestite goblin 🏳️‍⚧️👺 He/Him, She/Her. Three (3) x Hugo Nominee. www.midnightpals.com

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bitterkarella, to random
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

1
Poe: it’s awful nice of dean Koontz to invite us over for a picnic, eh, guys?
Dario Argento: I hope he made lots of spaghetti!!!
[approaching luxurious manor house, entrance flanked by 2 stone golden retrievers]

bitterkarella,
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2
Dean Koontz: [wearing smoking jacket and holding pipe] oh hello! I didn’t see you there
Koontz: I’m dean Koontz, welcome to my temporary 12,000-square-foot home
Koontz: I call it “koontzland”
Koontz: c’mon in! let me show you around
Koontz: [blow bubbles on pipe]

bitterkarella,
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3
Koontz: this where I removed the indoor pool to install a dog park
Koontz: this where I removed a library to install a dog park
Koontz: this where I removed a candy room to install a dog park
Koontz: and this is where I removed a 4 foot fence to install another dog park

bitterkarella,
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4
Koontz: this is just my temporary house, my main one is being renovated
Koontz: I’m going to have it made into the shape of a giant fire hydrant
Koontz: to celebrate my love of dogs!!
Koontz: you guys, I just love dogs so much

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

5
Koontz: this is my dogetarium
Koontz: it’s like an aquarium but for dogs
Barker: wow you really like dogs
Koontz: like dogs? I love dogs!!

bitterkarella,
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6
Koontz: this is my private dog café
Koontz: I’ve got every kind of dog here
Koontz: schnauzers, spitzes, terriers
Koontz: retrievers, hounds, teacups
Barker: that’s a lot of dogs
Koontz: oh you can’t have too many dogs
Barker: that’s clearly too many dogs

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

7
Koontz: no expense is too big for my dogs!
Koontz: I have a private French chef working on new pizzle recipes for them
Koontz: and I had all my toilets filled with perrier
Koontz: and my next horror book is going to be written exclusively for the dog audience
Koontz: it’s about a vacuum cleaner that’s really loud

bitterkarella, to random
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

1
Stephen King: [throws football] go wide, joe!
Joe Hill: [catches football] I love you, dad!
King: I love you too son
Elon Musk:
Musk: eyyyy whata the fuck

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

2
Musk: you thinka you winna this round, Stephano king?
Musk: you thinka you betta than me just because you bambinos like-a you?
Musk: I showa you
Musk: eeeey looka here it’s baby elon
Musk: [hastily putting on diaper] eeeey itsa me baby elon

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

3
Musk: eyyy it’s me baby elon
Musk: I lova my papa
Musk: my papa da smartest man inna world
Musk: he so smart he never getta caught roleplaying online assa his bambino

bitterkarella,
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4
Musk: itsa mee baby elon!
Musk: ima just a little bambino!
Musk: a blanka slate!
Musk: nothing inna my head!
Musk: ima yours to molda twitter
xXxFartknocker420xXx: did you know that black people have a goblin that lives in their heads and makes them do crime
Musk: mama mia!!!

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

5
Tiefling_Fucker6958537: did you know that trans people make their HRT out of the blood of Christian babies
Musk: mama mia!!!
Musk: thata concerning!!!
Musk: whya da media no report onna this

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

6
EldritchBitch4Eva8753: did you know that Italians aren’t even a real race
Musk: mama mia!
EldritchBitch4Eva8753: 90% of crimes are actually done by Italians
Musk: madone!!!
EldritchBitch4Eva8753: they even have special crime “families!” families that just do crime!
Musk: itsa an outrage!

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

7
EldritchBitch4Eva8753: chef Boyardee is a plot to groom our children into the Italian lifestyle
Musk: eyyy I don’ta know about this
EldritchBitch4Eva8753: one sec
EldritchBitch4Eva8753: [acquires blue check]
Musk: mama mia!!! It musta be true!!!

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

8
Musk: mama mia we must enda da Italian minda virus!!!
Musk: da Italians, mama mia, dey no compatible with a de civilization!!
Poe: wait this EldritchBitch4Eva8753 screenname looks familiar
Poe: howard did you radicalize elon against himself
Lovecraft: [sweats] n-no

bitterkarella, to random
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

1
Manly Wade Wellman: tonight my son and I are going to tell a story together
Manly Wade Wellman: I want you all to say hello to my boy
Manly Wade Wellman: Wade Wellman
Manly Wade Wellman: or as we call him sometimes
Manly Wade Wellman: Boyish Wade Wellman

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

2
Manly Wade Wellman: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the martians
Wellman: so the martians think that they con conquer earth with their superior technology
Wellman: but they didn’t count on one thing
Wellman: the keen eye and awesome analytical abilities
Wellman: of sherlock holmes

bitterkarella,
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3
Barker: wait so it’s HG Welles martians
Wellman: yes
Barker: and they’re fighting sherlock holmes?
Wellman: yes
Neil Gaiman: ah! A cross over! A pastiche! A deconstruction!
Gaiman: how deliciously devious!
Gaiman: when the disparate currents of inspiration meet in a maelstrom of imagination!!
Barker: isn’t this an alan moore thing

bitterkarella,
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4
Poe: clive shush
Barker: don’t shush me, I mean it
Barker: this is literally an alan moore thing
Poe: clive, if alan moore did this, sherlock holmes would 200 years old and fucking his 19 year old housekeeper
Poe: who would also be idk
Poe: Dorothy gale

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

5
Barker:
Barker: damn edgar ha ha
Barker: you’re getting saucy there
Barker: you’re not wrong tho

bitterkarella,
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6
Wellman: actually sherlock holmes does have a relationship with his housekeeper in my story
Barker: c’mon, man
Barker: what are you doing
Barker: we all know he’d be fucking Watson
Barker: ten million AO3 stories can’t be wrong
Wellman: well, Watson doesn’t know
Wellman: watson’s kind of a himbo in my version

bitterkarella,
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7
Wellman: now sherlock holmes has an incredible sharp mind
Wellman: he can look at a Woolly worm and predict the severity of the martian invasion
Wellman: he can repel a tripod by putting a hex sign on a barn
Wellman: and he knows the old adage
Wellman: “rain in June, there be red weed soon”
Ursula Vernon: yup yup

bitterkarella,
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8
Wellman: all of a sudden all the martians start mysteriously dying
Wellman: now HG welles thought it was germs
Wellman: but that sounds like elf shot to me
Wellman: they could have fixed that by applying a poultice of hog fat and bible passages to their tripod legs

bitterkarella, to random
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

1
Guy de Maupassant: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the horla
de Maupassant: it’s about an invisible monster that’s always chasing me!
Stephen King: haha wow what kind of drugs were you on when you came up with that one?
de Maupassant: ether
King:
King: oh

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

6
De Maupassant: this invisible monster is just the worst
De Maupassant: like, at night? It just sits on my chest like a massive weight!
Poe: that actually kind of sounds like sleep paralysis actually
Whitley Strieber: oh shut up edgar
Strieber: the man’s clearly had a supernatural experience!!
Strieber: you want to come on my podcast?

bitterkarella,
@bitterkarella@sfba.social avatar

7
Whitley Strieber: hi everyone welcome to dreamland with whitley Strieber
Strieber: the podcast that asks the questions the Bilderberg illuminati reverse vampires don’t want you to know
Strieber: I’m here with Guy de Maupassant
de Maupassant: [inhaling chloroform soaked rag] glad to be here

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