bitterkarella

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

2
Lee: ok bro so this professor is at this horror convention to talk about how much HP Lovecraft sucks
Lovecraft: hey!
Lee: oh it's not me bro, i think you're cool, it's this professor, he's the one saying it
Lee: in the story, bro
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: oh ok then

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

3
Lee: like, he's going on about how Lovecraft is a shitty writer who sucks
Lovecraft: hey, come on!
Lee: i'm not saying it, bro
SanGiovanni: yeah howard don't commit the fundamental attribution error
Lee: yeah bro i don't know what this but don't do it bro

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

4
SanGiovanni: so the professor is all "HP Lovecraft sucks ass, he can't write"
Lee: oh and he's racist, bro, don't forget that
SanGiovanni: oh that's right, AND he's racist
SanGiovanni: thanks ed
Lee: no prob bro

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

5
SanGiovanni: so Lovecraft was racist
August Derleth: only as racist as the average man of his time!!
SanGiovanni: and a shitty writer
Derleth: only as shitty as the average writer of his time!!
Lovecraft:

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

6
SanGiovanni: and the prof is all "we should stop talking about Lovecraft, who sucks, and start talking about better authors like Poe or Shelley"
Lovecraft: come on!!
Mary Shelley: haha i like this guy, he sounds like he's got the right idea
Poe: yeah he's not entirely wrong

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

7
Lee: but check this bro
Lee: this prof loves horror conventions cuz he's always getting laid
Lee: these cons are just FULL of hotties looking to score
Lee: you know how horror chicks are
Lee: FREAK-EE
SanGiovanni: and their tits--!
Lee: oh man, bro, the tits are fuckin' bangin

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

8
Lee: bro so the girls at this convention have got some huge boobs
SanGiovanni: some real serious honkers
Lee: a real set of badonkers
SanGiovanni: packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos
Lee: big ol' tonhongerekoogers!

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

9
SanGiovanni: so this goth witch gets mad at the professor for dissing Lovecraft and she sends him to another dimension where Lovecraft is real!
Lee: and bro don't forget, the witch has enormous jugs
SanGiovanni: oh yeah just some ridonculous knockers

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

10
SanGiovanni: now the professor is in a Lovecraft world and he's about to find out that being in a Lovecraft world isn't all its cracked up to be
Lee: oh yeah bro and he's gotta collect the 5 power stones to advance to the next level bro
SanGiovanni: you mean the chaos emeralds?

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

11
SanGiovanni: now he's traveling from Lovecraft story to Lovecraft story, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that the next leap will be the leap home
Lee: you know that thing about hotties trawling for dick at horror cons? thats totally true bro

bitterkarella, 8 days ago

12
Lee: yeah bro you know what i'm saying Lee: we're gonna get you laid, bro!
Lovecraft: at a convention?
Lee: that's what they're for bro! ask sonia! she invented the whole idea, bro!
Sonia Greene: he's right

bitterkarella, 9 days ago

2
Keene: there's only one thing to do now
Keene: strut
Keene: [doing the Keep on Truckin' walk] well you tell by the way that i use my walk
Keene: i'm a ladies man no time to talk

bitterkarella, 9 days ago

3
Keene: look at me! i got the slickest suit at stokercon!
Barker: the slickest suit you say?
Keene: yes i
Keene: well
Barker: the absolute slickest?
Keene:
Keene: its AMONG the slickest
King: now come on clive, it's a good suit

bitterkarella, 9 days ago

4
Barker: i'm just sayin
Barker: i heard chuck tingle had a pink fish scale suit or something
King: oh that does sound pretty nifty
Keene: [shaking fist] TINGLE!!
Keene: always two steps ahead!!!

bitterkarella, 9 days ago

5
Chuck Tingle: hello chums it is i chuck tingle, totally normal guy
Tingle: just hanging out, effortlessly upstaging everyone in my flawless wardrobe
Tingle: just normal things like a normal guy!
Keene:

bitterkarella, 9 days ago

6
King: now now there's no need to fight
King: in my book, you're both winners!
Barker: that's not the way it works steve
Barker: you have to pick a fave
King: but why?
Barker: because it would be way funnier if you did

bitterkarella, 9 days ago

7
King: oh i don't know, there were so many good outfits
King: like did you see all the matching Dunkin Donut tracksuits?
King: those were pretty boss

bitterkarella, 10 days ago

4
Barker: so the women who won't wee or shit
Barker: is that why there's no toilets in hogwarts?
Rowling: no!!
Rowling: that's unrelated!!!
Rowling: i've come up with a new retcon for that
Barker: oh boy i bet its a doozy
Poe: clive

bitterkarella, 10 days ago

5
Rowling: they removed all the hogwartss toiletss because the PC police were going to force them to let transs women ussse the ladiesss room
Rowling: so instead dumbledore bravely removed all toiletsss
Rowling: a great man, dumbledore
Barker: and that's when wizards started just shitting themselves?
Rowling: yesss

bitterkarella, 10 days ago

6
Barker: anyway
Barker: the women who won't wee or shit
King: are you
King: are you committed to that title, joanne?
King: cuz now that clive's said it
King: i really can't not hear it

bitterkarella, 10 days ago

7
Rowling: i've got 10 thousand copiesss already printed!
Rowling: i can't make changess now
Rowling: look itss just gonna be cheaper to ssue anyone who makess fun of it
Barker: who makes fun of the women who won't wee or shit
Rowling: that'sss it!!!
Rowling: you're on my lissst!!!

bitterkarella, 10 days ago

8
Rowling: everyone loves the women who wheeessst!!
Rowling: it's full of manifestosss about the transss quessstion
Rowling: and the final sssolution
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Poe:

bitterkarella, 10 days ago

9
Rowling: my friendss and relativesss begged me not to do thisss
Rowling: BEGGED ME!
Rowling: with tears in their eyess
Rowling: but i could not be dissuaded!
King: what did your friends say about it then?
Rowling: i don't really know, we don't really talk much anymore