@autism101@actuallyautistic I tend to do the same, especially if I am under the weather and consider the person asking to be a friend. I have even stopped myself mid sentence and said, oh, you're not concerned, you're just a fine collector! Sometimes it gets a laugh, for the play on words.
I'm just back from seeing the #Oppenheimer movie & was miffed that with so many physicists, mathematicians & engineers being depicted on screen that there weren't more obviously #ActuallyAutistic traits on display. 😆
This is cultural and regional thing. My country has multiple culture in it and it's vary from one to another. In one part, people don't even say "hi!" to the neighbors. It's individual. In another part, it's very different and people speak more on the streets to each other.
In the first part, people does ask "How are you doing?) if there is a closeness. Otherwise, they go straight to what they want. It's really cultural. @actuallyautistic
@autism101@actuallyautistic I always wonder if this is a culture thing... it confuses me more with U.S. Americans, because in Germany it is more typically a question that might be answered with details I really didn't want to know... and I am neurodivergent... Believe me, I know details about medical treatments that will be forever stuck in my head...
@autism101@actuallyautistic "how are you doing today?" gives answer "why do you have to be negative, this isn't the place to talk about that. Go see a therapist!"
@autism101@actuallyautistic I learned to use certain phrases that feel less dishonest and answer the question without telling them what's going on in my life.
Examples are: "Okay...", "Okay-ish", "Not too bad", or "Yes..." (I like it because it doesn't fit the question and might throw them off a bit. Only do it with people close enough who understand that "humor")...
So, yeah, I try to use a one-word-answer, as that is part of the protocol, but I just can't say "Fine" if it's not the truth.
@autism101@actuallyautistic I automatically say "yes I'm great" and then ruminate over it for hours, as I feel guilty for having been dishonest, even though they don't want an honest answer, as that has backfired in the past...
@autism101@actuallyautistic Tbh I'm such a rebel in my neurodiversity that even when I remember the bullshit etiquette which is answering "I'm fine" even when I'm not I will go "I'm fine... actually no I'm not" and then proceed to explain why I am not actually okay in that very moment.
The neurotypicals could never understand that level of power.
@autism101
I just answer the question, but not because I don't remember that I should lie, but simply because I don't give a fuck about neurotypicals' rituals anymore.
If you don't want an answer, quit asking the question. Simple as. @actuallyautistic
@autism101@actuallyautistic No. I always say: fine, yourself?, as if it's all one word, because that's the response I've learnt. I would love to be able to talk to people about how I am.
@autism101@actuallyautistic
That is partly a cultural thing. In Finnish culture you are expected to honestly share something small about your life, just keep it on general level- like tell what you did on weekend or family news etc. Just "I'm fine" sounds borderline rude.
When speaking English, I treat "how are you doing?" as a phrase rather than a genuine question. It has a correct answer: "Fine/I'm good, and how are you?" that is just a figure of speech, not a real answer to a real inquiry.
@autism101@actuallyautistic I used to get angry about it. How rude is it to ask someone a question if you aren't even going to listen to the answer? What's the point, to pretend you care?
Now I look at it like a network protocol. These are the bytes you send when you establish a connection, and there are other bytes ("Okay. You?") that you use to acknowledge the connection. It's nothing more than a network ping. It still makes me uncomfortable, though. I'm not a freaking robot. Why do NTs compare us to robots and then do crap like this?
@autism101@actuallyautistic I've gotten in the habit of saying "hanging in" for the last few years. It used to make people uncomfortable, but now it seems to be understood.
I used to say "fine" or "doing okay" but I too often got something like "you don't sound fine!" or "just okay?" But if I actually told them why, they'd look uncomfortable again.
So, now I lean into the "yeah, the world is on fire and stuff is deeply weird" of it all. Because I honestly don't understand how anyone is fine these days.
@StrassenKatze@autism101@actuallyautistic
I comment when someone asks how are you, that I wonder if they want to know. Sometimes I ask which answer they want. They are usually a bit flummoxed because my answer is outside their experience.
Similar when Macca's drive through kid asks if I want anything else and I ask for the numbers for the next Lotto draw
@autism101
I recently switched from "I'm fine" to "can't complain". The latter doesn't mean I'm fine, it just says that things could be worse. I like that @actuallyautistic
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