@xinicit@floe.earth
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xinicit

@xinicit@floe.earth

#Sober guy living outside of the Greater #Houston Area. I still miss Rock 101.
Avatar: A ghost wearing sunglasses. It looks rad as hell. Header: An illustration of a fictional cat named Princess Donut. She is wearing a tiara. https://justmytoots.com/xinicit@floe.earth

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xinicit, to random
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They call me a sexual tornado because I’ve been known to make quite a mess in Kansas and Nebraska.

xinicit, to random
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They call me a sexual tornado because your trampoline will end up on your neighbor’s roof.

xinicit, to random
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They call me a sexual tornado because if you see me you should avoid windows and hide in the bathtub.

xinicit,
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@Alice Still married?

xinicit, to random
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I’m sorry I’m late, it’s just there is so much suffering in the world and your sense of entitlement fills me with rage so I needed a little snackaroo and a smokey smoke so I could have the strength to keep this fake ass smile on my face. How about you? How’s your day?

xinicit, to random
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Caring for elderly family members has taught me that there are times when it is socially acceptable to do drugs and sleep all day.

xinicit, to random
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These chupacabra carnitas are easily in the top five things I have purchased in the parking lot of the haunted Applebees.

xinicit, to random
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I’m not trying to get into heaven, I’m trying to get reincarnated as a tiny monkey that gets to cuddle with capybaras.

xinicit, to random
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You know what they say. The people who talk about sleep are the ones that aren’t getting any.

xinicit, to random
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The real heroes of the story are the old gods who try to destroy the world when woken from their slumber. I have also been woken by mortals, and if it had been an option at the time I would have consumed their souls.

xinicit, to random
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I wish I was a clone sleeping peacefully in a nutrient bath.

xinicit, to random
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I don’t like run on sentences because I abhor anything that makes me think of cardio.

xinicit, to random
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I may not be hot, but I’ll do that thing you like (leave you alone.)

xinicit, to random
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Is the negative self talk not helping because I’m not good enough at it?

xinicit, to random
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Fat bottom girls make the rocking world go round. Muscle mommies are responsible for the tides. MILFs help prevent soil erosion.

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark I appreciate y’all for being both beautiful and functional.

xinicit, to random
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Product idea: A device that shows you how many likes and boosts your posts need to get in order to fix the hole inside of you.

xinicit, to random
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I got banned from the strip club after beating the bouncer’s high score on the Galaga machine.

xinicit, to random
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Product idea: something that makes contributing to society as rewarding as wasting time.

xinicit, to random
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As a fat guy, I can see why Winnie the Pooh decided it was easier not to wear pants.

xinicit, to random
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Killing two birds with one stone isn’t as impressive when you realize stones are reusable.

xinicit, to random
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Getting real tired of all these 18th century Frenchmen trying to trap me for my pelt.

xinicit, to random
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Did you know that Canadians and normal people can interbreed?

xinicit, to random
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Me: looks in mirror
Brain: You look like Santa Claus if he let himself go.

xinicit,
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@grrrr_shark I know, but it was such a good burn!

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