The good news is that thanks to the help of TeaHRT and @SleepyCatten , I have my spare #HRT coming to me. Crisis averted. I'm also meeting with a new, Medicaid-approved psychiatrist and therapist that'll be needed for the bad news.
The bad news? This morning, my mom passed away at the age of 60 due to complications of lung cancer. She was fighting via chemo on-and-off for the past five years. But about a-week-&-a-half ago, it reached the point where she sought at-home hospice. Me and my siblings were caretakers and assisted the hospice nurses as mom deteriorated more rapidly than expected.
I'm an emotional wreck right now. Thank the-deity-of-your-choice for dogs giving me support in this trying time.
Welp, my bank account is low. (I caved into ordering DoorDash to 'eat away the pain' and have to stop doing that) and I can't order the #DIYHRT I need to wait out the Planned Parenthood appointment.
I know it sounds petty, but it is still a cause for #TransMutualAid
I don't like doing this, but it may need to be done. My E supply is running low (7 doses left) and I can't locate another source of E locally that can last until I get my Medicaid letter in the mail. So it is #TransMutualAid time for money to afford a #transwoman her estrogen.
I'm working on getting a job and have had plenty of interviews, but just haven't gotten hired yet.
Don't remember where I originally saw this, but cleaning up my tabs re-found it so may as well re-share. (transfemme science? Fedi timeline(probably, as @siege is credited in the document itself)? No idea! That tab was from months ago at least.
It has come to my attention that a major anti-trans bill is being discussed in my home-state of #Indiana . I want anyone who can protest this bill to do so.
The very fact that this bill is being talked about is having me consider moving to #Illinois at some point in the future. The only reason I am not doing so this instant is that I'm waiting for a degree of financial stability. Because if this passes, I'm likely going to have to go back to #DIYHRT until I'm able to move one state west (I'm not moving further as I wish to stay close to my supportive family).
I just got home from my #HRT followup with the endo I've been using for several years now. I love him. He listens, and he is friendly and respectful. He works in the "Transitions of Care" center at Grady hospital in Atlanta.
The big news is: I am getting off of E tablets and changing to patches.
0.05 mg/day, once weekly to start. He said that we'll do blood work and follow up after a month.
1/2
Sorry for the lack of posting, ya'll, I've been holed up in a conference hotel all week to discuss many matters in Research and Education technology this week. I've got some great notes of things I have to say in general, but the big one is:
Representation Matters.
It turns out that being visible, being out there in the community, giving talks, holding meetings, just living my life is having an incredible effect bolstering how other #transfemme women think about themselves, and think about what they might be able to do.
I feel very honored and humbled. I didn't think about the impact I might have, but it certainly steels my resolve to keep being authentically me, and not giving a fuck about being out, because apparently it is a big deal for a lot of #trans folks to keep doing so.
Anyone else's attempts at a 'girl' voice end up lapsing into a faux-British accent without even thinking? It wasn't exactly what I'm going for, but I kinda like it.
I’ve got a hormone levels question. I’m on injectable E (weekly subQ) and my mid-week level is 572 pg/mL. (Endo insists on testing midweek 🤷♀️)
Endo says this is too high/risky, wants to lower dose. I say “bah! I feel great and like what’s happening!” I had upped my dose slightly to stop feeling like unaliving myself and it worked.
So I'm at the point where I'm pretty aggressively promoting the #Algorythms#podcast across various avenues of social media.
Even (reluctantly) used that bluebird hellsite. Probably the only reason I still occassionally bother with it.
Also, while one of my co-hosts is taking a trip to Japan, me and Duke (my other co-host) plan on doing a short episode. Either a punk act (The Clash; 6 albums) or a hip-hop act (Beastie Boys; 8 albums). Ideally, I would have Run-DMC or Public Enemy as a first hip-hop act, but as the co-host that is on the Japan trip is a fan of both of them, it'd be a dick move to do it while he's away.
Also, the #SpermBankSaga of mine has concluded. I know what I did wrong last time and I followed the instructions closely this time.
It is done. And if I still get rejected or have a problem there, I'm just going to say "Fuck it" and continue #transition . Bio kids would be neat, but there are other ways to have children (if I want them in 10-15 years) if bio kids just aren't in the cards.
So the currently question running around my head is my own toxicity.
Do I really, earnestly feel that I'm of the #trans#transfemme variety or do I, born as a male, just have such intrinsic and internalized hatred, such despise for the toxicity of other men and patriarchal society that I wish to be LITERALLY anything but?
Now I'm like the #HRT so much that I'm wondering --in theory--that if I called the sperm bank in the morning for a meeting in a couple of weeks at most, would I still have viable sperm if I took regular HRT?
Or would it depend on stuff like the dosages or taking it every other day instead of every day?
I'm drafting up a looooooong message to mom explaining the mechanics of the whole situation since it is a lot to remember for casual conversation and order. I've been through a lot this month.
And at the end of it, I'll be linking multiple informative trans-related essays and an excerpt of The Gender Dysphoria Bible.
The whole thing is almost done. I gave definitions of HRT, gender euphoria, and gender dysphoria. I also went a step-by-step process of the two-pronged method I used to obtain #HRT . I also told of why I used the Venmo + PayPal thing to begin with and gave insight into just how well-prepared I was in this.
I also ask "Would any cis person go to this level of preparation on order to change their gender?" Then answer is no.
I normally don't like doing this at all, but when I made the payment for the #DIYHRT shipment, my bank account comes up short and there's not enough money to pay my insurance this month. Insurance that I will need for appointments and paying for #HRT the legit way in the future.
So below is my venmo account for anyone who wants to donate to help me fund my insurance payments for this month. I was originally thinking "This isn't as severe as helping trans women move to a less-hostile environment," but then I realized that that was impostor syndrome talking. And that if you need help, you need help.
To anyone that will say "Get a job," I'm working on it via talking with job coaches. The process is slow, but steady. Hopefully, I will not have to do this again.
Mom is being a paranoid fuck right now and completely ignorant of what is required for #trans care. I should've known better than to put the Venmo account for the donations because mom pays $200 a month in the insurance--and she can see what gets donated on that page.
She now thinks I'm selling my ADHD meds for money for a sex change operation.
I'm going to have to do a long talk to her to explain this whole mess. And talk to her about the concepts of HRT, #TransMutualAid , the international pharmacy, and everything she doesn't know.
Then mom has the audacity to say "It's time to learn to move the fuck out. You have got your priorities screwed up. You need to focus on getting a job first. You think they're going to hire you wearing THAT? pointing at my dress "
I got a long talk ahead that could've been saved had I not put the Venmo link.