@lilli@social.xenofem.me
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

lilli

@lilli@social.xenofem.me

i am a bleeding heart dove. lemuria is my temple.

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lemuria is the dove is the body is the flame.

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lilli, to random
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

seeing e/acc ppl describe themselves as "hiding their power level" in front of "normies" is so laughable to me. put half a dozen neurodivergent trans ppl with different fixations in a room together and task them to come up with novel takes. i think at MOST it'd take a few hours for them to exceed the net originality of every single person in the history of the e/acc sphere combined

lilli, to random
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

i don't filter very much but incest kink stuff is something i would love to filter if it was not essentially impossible

lilli, to random
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

okay but if you were going to put together a coven of three fedi users to compete in the fedi coven tournament, who would you choose?

lilli, (edited ) to random
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

i don't know where i first read it, years ago, but ive long been affected by the last lines of the poem "Jesus of the Scars":

"But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak,
And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone."

i think, from this, i can get a sense of why someone would be Christian. it's hard to see how a God who is impassable, unaffected by anything exterior, can know what it is like to be a finite creature. to use Spinozist terms, which differentiate between an essence conceived of "under the aspect of eternity" versus "conceived under the aspect of finitude," it's clear that an impassable God can know our eternal selves, glorified and in eternal joy; but to know us finitely, in our capacity to suffer and be diminished, is to know us inadequately, and God cannot do anything inadequately. but the Christian God gets around this by joining a wholly divine nature to a wholly human nature, such that while the divine Christ is impassable, the human Christ is passable, and knows suffering, and consequently can know us in our imperfect forms and not merely in our potential sanctification

there's an Agamben quote ive posted before about how to truly love a person, one should love them under the aspect of finitude and under the aspect of eternity simultaneously. the eternal God cannot do this, as Spinoza perceived so well, because God cannot perceive how we are when we feel distanced from God; because this feeling of ours is misconceived, it melts away in God's eyes. the God-who-is-man, however, would be able to do this. a God who is tempted in the desert and tormented on the Cross knows us in our finitude as well as in our perfection. this forms a kind of complete love which you simply cannot get otherwise, because this God can love us perfectly in both modes. not only that, the full humanity of the Son inherently redeems our finitude. instead of a misconception in which God has no part, that God was capable of living a perfect human life under conditions of finitude makes the experience of being finite and of suffering valuable in its own right. we can love this condition in ourselves and others adequately. it does not vanish in the face of adequate love, but rather, is glorified

i also think this is why Christians can prize hope, something Spinoza cannot do. hope is inherently counterbalanced with fear (otherwise it becomes confidence, or as Catholics call it, presumption, just as fear without hope becomes despair), and fear contains the seeds of suffering, and thus of finitude. if our finitude is merely inadequate in the face of our eternity, then there can be nothing unqualifiedly good about suffering, and thus about hope. but if our finitude is redeemed—if the Perfect One picks up a cross and calls on us to carry ours—then hope becomes something very different. to relate to ones sufferings with hope rather than fear becomes the symbol of a life in which there exists the possibility for redemption within the bounds of a limited humanity

i think all of this is very beautiful, and i can respect someone who believes it. i still find myself butting up against a certain lack of faith, not a lack of faith in God but in the concept of a human God, which puts it beyond my reach. my life would change if i believed in the Incarnation, but i do not believe. i feel as though i did believe, i would want very badly to be a nun, to be "married to Christ." the reason for this is that, if the love of God really is perfected both in our humanity and in our eternity, why would i yearn after the love of other humans? other humans can, i think, love someone both in their eternity and in their humanity, but only inadequately, only in part. the human God, however, loves in full in both regards. i would still be compelled to strive after loving other people as perfectly as i could in both respects, in fact i would be encouraged. but the love i would crave for myself would be the love of the one who loves perfectly

but i do not believe. and so i still crave the love of God, who loves me in my eternity with the self-same intellectual love which is God's self-love. and i can still love God both in my eternity and in my finitude, both in the events of my life and in the essence i embody. but i cannot seek for God to love me in my finitude, just as i cannot expect God to provide for me in my finitude in other respects. the light and bread and water and shelter which sustain me are not God; nor also are the ones whose love my fragile frame yearns for divine. i guess this is why i still feel a kinship with secularism, even if that secularism is not atheist. i do not expect prayers to be answered, wounds to be miraculously healed, or manna to fall from the heavens by which i may be fed. these matters are material concerns, and i take a materialist view toward them. and in the end, the kind of mixed love i yearn for, a love which is both human and divine, is a human concern as well, existing within the real conditions of my life, always in a form which is imperfect and limited

because it is not really true that only God's wounds can speak to our wounds. rather, only God's wounds could speak to our wounds perfectly. but we are not perfect creatures, and do not need to be spoken to perfectly, or loved perfectly. i do not need to eat the food of the angels to survive or find joy in eating, nor do i need the love of the Son to be joyful in love. what i do need is the love of other living things. lacking the Son, i am dependent on you, not only for the vulgar essentials of life but also for the most heavenly joys of being loved finitely and infinitely. and consequently, i am dependent on the world existing in a form where not only is it possible to survive physically, but also for human beings to encounter each other face to face, not being alienated from one another, close enough that they combine the love of God with the love of living things. for this, however, we cannot do without politics and a sober reckoning with our social conditions. though we can still love God in everything, and we can still take solace in the way an inhuman God loves us, we are forced out of the cloister and into the world

lilli, to random
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

ive conventionally thought of myself as moderately halimede-critical but today i learnt that not only is she a trans woman, she's also very very very very very very pretty. so i am now pro-anything she posts

lilli,
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

@dangerdyke okay lucky for you i have absolutely no proof of this which i can share, the only evidence of these claims is an old tweet i was shown in person and can't find myself. i might very well have dreamt it. you can imagine anything

lilli,
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

@am you don't have to accept it. but the halimede red pill is that she is in fact hot

trans_caracal, to random
@trans_caracal@translunar.academy avatar

Wait isn't my fanfic something like 'Trembling Before G-d' but for a Muslim trans girl and a Jewish trans girl (Evelyn and Abigail).

lilli,
@lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

@trans_caracal wait what i wanna read this

quasar, to random
@quasar@translunar.academy avatar

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    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @quasar im not sure to what extent it holds up tbh, my taste as a 16 year old was not impeccable

    utz, to random

    people sincerely longposting abt transfemininity is helping me recontextualise the limbo I've been in wrt my transition, yay

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @utz longposting abt transfemininity feels like a basic duty of xnfm

    0utside0utsider, to random

    cycle chronology

    week 1: low estrogen, low progesterone
    week 2: high estrogen, low to medium progesterone; taking a mixture of vitex and a few other herbs to mildly spike LH + FSH
    week 3: medium estrogen, high progesterone
    week 4: medium estrogen, high progesterone

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @0utside0utsider are you actually doing this? i'd be interested to know the effects!

    scathach, to random
    @scathach@stereophonic.space avatar

    Okay but are you a natural woman, an integer woman, a rational woman, an irrational woman, an algebraic woman, a transcendental woman, a real woman, an imaginary woman, or a complex woman?

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @scathach this is a reductive nonary which can't capture the true spectrum of womanhood. it ignores the most oppressed type of women, cardinal women, who are oppressed not only by TERFs ("you have to be an adult HUMAN female") but also by the Catholic church (Ordinatio sacerdotalis). also surreal women and ordinal women

    Mondobizarrro, to random
    @Mondobizarrro@social.xenofem.me avatar

    I can custom emoji react ppl now :0

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @Mondobizarrro omg what?? omg we're updated????

    18+ fcktheworld587, to random
    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @ynakxramxsho @fcktheworld587 it's just that "micro-cheating" is an often poorly defined concept so this is a list which attributes it absurd dimensions (compare and contrast 3 and 4)

    SuperbSnek, to random

    I'm being cancelled for "appropriating male spaces"so much for boymoder rights :// cc @lilli

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @SuperbSnek boymoders HAVE NO RIGHTS

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @SuperbSnek i have never met anyone so badly in need of being forcefemmed

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @quasar @SuperbSnek estrogenization is good but not enough. we also require anti-boymoder shock therapy

    nyx, to random
    @nyx@social.xenofem.me avatar

    why is "demi lesbian" even a thing, aren't all lesbians like that

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @nyx they are not, and for the sake of girls with offputting personalities everywhere—thank god

    lilli, to random
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    pope francis allowing blessings for gay couples and then getting deadnamed as "bergoglio" by schismatics is the most transcoded thing a pope has literally ever done

    dangerdyke, to random
    @dangerdyke@translunar.academy avatar

    Guess we have covid now

    Shit

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @dangerdyke im sorry to hear that. i hope you feel as okay as possible! covid is always such a pain but i hope it isn't too bad, relatively speaking

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @dangerdyke you shouldn't beat yourself up about catching covid. even if you're being cautious you can't avoid every possible means of transmission or reduce the risk to zero. it sucks but there's no way to ensure you never get it

    Mondobizarrro, to random
    @Mondobizarrro@social.xenofem.me avatar

    You ever just contemplate which numogrammic syzygy best encapsulates your entire persona?

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @Mondobizarrro of the five syzygies? you give me poda vibes, 7::2

    quasar, to random
    @quasar@translunar.academy avatar

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    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @quasar given the combination of monetization and uncertainty, you're going to need to impose regulations if you don't want a gambling scene to emerge

    winter, to random
    @winter@translunar.academy avatar

    🌸 I think we should give all dates in Before Present just to maximize future historians' confusion

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @winter unrelated, have you read The Left Hand of Darkness?

    lilli,
    @lilli@social.xenofem.me avatar

    @winter blessed! im a lifetime UKLG adorer, from Earthsea to the Hainish cycle to Catwings to her Tao Te Ching rendition to stuff like The Lathe of Heaven. in that case you will remember that you're basically... wait wtf

    i was going to say you were Gethen-posting but... Gethen is the word for "Winter"

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