Lucia

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I finally tapped into my spoon reserves to ask a friend to help me move some heavies from home into covered trailer (I am not good at being a friend, and feel bad asking for help when I don't otherwise commune with friends much).

While I had him trapped, I told him about my mental health issues, which probably was slightly jarring.

Anyhow, his help has very much lessened my load. Mostly I'll only have boxes and totes to move. That being said, it's very hard to make my brain work with the decisions of all the little things remaining.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Somebody please explain, for I am too dumb to understand, what is all the talk of "Windows front door" I keep seeing on my feed?

About as good as I can guess is that some weakness exploit unique to windows has been taken advantage of.

I don't use Windows, so I don't have a dog in the fight, I am just curious.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

My bedroom was the most organized room in the home, but it is the hardest room to clear out rn. So many choices and decisions make it hard.

I'm very tired, barely able to leave sitting position at this point, and feel like I might actually fall asleep. But I have six days to get out of here. How tf am I going to do this?

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

This is what I want to wear today. The world has never beheld such a cute top (hyperbole), so I shall bless you all with its glory. Look at that sunshine, it screams for me to wear it! But alas, I do not want to ruin it by packing and moving boxes and small furniture.

Instead, I shall only show you its glory... and ask for suggestions on what kind of hat I should wear with it (I have few hats, but I do have one sun hat type thing with ginormous brim that would look cute--I've never been good with hats--but would like something smaller and more practical for being out and about)

The whole thing is the floral pattern, it just doesn't have lining on the shoulders.

IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE.

Am I procrastinating? Yes.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

My favorite question on the ssdi function form:

"How well do you handle stress?"

Dissociation, depersonalization, and delusions.

I'd say I'm pretty good with stress.

(Not actually how I answered, but was thinking about it because I am stressed 😂)

Lucia, 2 months ago to mentalhealth

I am awake, with coffee in my veins, nearly mentally and emotionally prepared to continue with the second half of my SSDI 10 page function report.

It's super stressful because it's a pretty important form. But also my therapist and psych have received similar paperwork. My therapist has been working with me for nearly... 8 or 9 years I think (time is a soup) and she knows me better than anybody here in my life bubble, and I trust her to give an accurate picture of my function/lack of.

I've been whinging about the hell I live in having to work, and how hard it is, since the earliest days (the actual work expected from me was minimal and easy, also should be enjoyable because it was related to what i studied in college). So this won't seem like I'm complaining about it out of nowhere--complaining is pretty light descriptor for somebody who has curled up crying and psychotic on the floor of a locked office.

(Side note, I am super distracted and irritated by the starlings nesting in the rain gutter--noisy, tappy, scratchy, clicky. But it won't be my problem in a week)

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Schizoaffective #Schizophrenia #Bipolar

18+ Lucia, 2 months ago to schizoaffective

Am definitely starting to slide into declining mental health. My main evidence is just feeling weird and not right, in a familiar way. There are other symptoms too, but unless the pattern holds, it's potentially attributable to being exhausted-- from all my moving activity probably.

It's early in the evening and I feel like I just need to call in sick tomorrow (to myself), but also I have barely over a week to get out. This is a crossroads where I have to gamble--either proactively take a day break to try to hold off relapse, or push through and get shit done, possibly causing me to slip faster.

Idk. Wish I could just yell YOLO! like a berserker, but no.

#MentaHealth #MentalIllness #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #Bipolar

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I think my ex is mad at me because I'm way hotter than her. So much resentment and spite in that meat vessel of hers.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I love my NB peeps here.

That's all.

Lucia, 2 months ago to mentalhealth

I love talking about anxiety, not because I like anxiety, but I know a lot about it and like to help others understand it.

Did you know there are people who experience no anxiety? There are people who have experienced so little anxiety that they don't know what it is when it happens to them, and they are convinced they are instead having a heart attack? There are people who experience anxiety 24/7?

All anxiety is valid, and it doesn't hurt anyone to validate the anxiety felt by others if they open up to you. It is no place to one up them. To the person having anxiety for the first time, it can feel life threatening, even if it seems to be "less than" your own anxiety. We live in an anxious world now.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Anxiety

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I'm doing the thing where I have flashbacks to last night's dreams, and it makes me not want to go to bed and repeat having uncomfortable dreams.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Sometimes I want to treat my cat to something nice, so I leave a box, tote, or paper bag open for her.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Here it is. Home sweet home for probably about the next year. This will give me time to sort out disability and all the government assistance stuff I have to apply for, without hemorrhaging all my money on an expensive lease.

I'd rather not have to do this primarily because it's going to lessen the custody time I get to spend with my kids. But, it will be an adventure for all of us.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

You ever listen to a song and picture your pet/s singing it to you?

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Getting things packed at a decently consistent pace. Now that I have a camper to live in I can really get to packing. I really don’t mind living in small space, but it means I will have greatly reduced custody with my kids.