Question to other people who used to be poly but are now committed to 2 or more partners.
Do you still consider yourself poly?
If it's a triad long term committed relationship, do you tell people you're poly?
I just feel like it implies we're open to more relationships when we aren't, but saying monogamous doesn't make sense either.
(Been with one boyfriend for 3 years and the other for soon 1 year).
@skaly I guess the way I view it:
Bilingual = more than 1 language
Bisexual = interested in more than 1 gender
Polyamorous = interested in some way with more than 1 partner
Might be pragmatic but I don't push the definitions further than that because the complexities of individual experiences are layered on -top- of these definitions. Each individual can come up with more specific labels if they feel these don't serve them specifically.
@alexisbushnell @Some_Emo_Chick
So I do see being bisexual as a sexual orientation that is pretty absolute (even if can be fluid for some at times) - but polyam I actually view as a life style choice, like being vegan for example.
It's true that some people have personalities that are better suited for polaym life style, just like there are better suited for a vegan life style or diet.
But it's two very very different things in my view.
@skaly@Some_Emo_Chick that's interesting. I see it exactly the same as my sexuality; I'm gay. I was polyam before I even knew it was a thing or had words for it. I never understood the "I want to be the only" and I could never be monogamous, not because I'd cheat (I'm demisexual and don't do casual sex) but because I just view relationships entirely differently to mono people.
For me it is a fundamental difference and not a choice.
I used to view it this way, but with time I found it's also a lot healthier for me and my relationships if I see it as a life style.
I can understand that some people are inherently connected to this life style, the way I used to be for a few years.
But, now I find it makes my relationships so much healthier if we can communicate our desires for life style based on what we want and can do, not what we are.
Making that difference between identity and lifestyle and identity makes me so much more free to do what I like.
I'm not committed to polyamory - I don't see myself as inevitably so.
I see it as a choice. And there were times in my life it was right for me. But now I'm super happy in a committed triad, and I see myself more as monogamous but to two people which makes it hard to explain to others
I guess I'll just stick to saying committed triad. It's just people asking me sometimes or assuming I'm poly, and even in conversations with my boyfriends we don't know what term to use in all sorts of conversations, like I sometimes wanna say I'm poly but then I get a really uncomfortable feeling like it's inaccurate, yet saying monogamous is just not true. I guess I just like one word clear definitions but low key maybe it's best to just say committed triad.
What does it mean? For a committed relationship to be poly?
In my life experience being poly for so many years, polyamory had only ever been about the mindset of dating more than one person or desiring and being free to do so.
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