pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

Auditors are capitalism's lubricants, who keep the gears of finance capital smoothly a-whirl, allowing investors to move their money in and out of companies without having to go pore over their books and walk through their facilities. Without auditors, the gears of capitalism would grind themselves to dust:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/18/ink-stained-wretches/#countless

1/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this thread to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/09/dingo-babysitter/#maybe-the-dingos-ate-your-nan

2/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

Unfortunately for capitalism, auditing is irredeemably broken. The Big Four auditors (, , and ) have merged to monopoly, becoming and . These four gigantic firms have spun up fantastically lucrative "consulting" divisions that advise companies on how to cheat on their audits and attain incredible (paper) gains.

3/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

The work of these "consultants" is worth far more than the accounting and auditing jobs the companies do, and the weaker the audits are, the more profitable the consulting is:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/04/aaronsw/#crooked-ref

This crisis has been a long time brewing. Back in 2001, the accounting/consulting giant #ArthurAndersen was at the center of Enron's fraud, which lit $11B in shareholder capital on fire.

4/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

Enron had been making everyday people angry for years, engineering rolling blackouts and incredible energy-price gouging, but no one cares about working peoples' complaints. By contrast, stealing $11B from rich people was something the authorities couldn't ignore. They gave Andersen the death penalty, trying to teach the surviving accounting firms a lesson about what happens when you fuck with plutes.

5/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

But those other firms learned the wrong lesson: the collapse of Andersen was so disruptive that it soon became clear that the authorities would never take another giant consulting firm down, no matter how egregious its conduct was. They doubled down on crime, and then doubled down again.

It's hard to pick a winner in the Big Four Accounting Firm Corruption Olympics, but KPMG is a strong contender, with a long history of just being monumentally inept and wrong.

6/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

Back when Enron was unspooling, KPMG devoted itself to threatening people who linked to its website "without a license to do so":

https://web.archive.org/web/20020207141547/http://chris.raettig.org/email/jnl00040.html

A couple years later, they declared war on wifi, trying to convince normies that wireless networks were an existential risk to human civilization:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/2885339.stm

7/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

But there's not much money in wifi scare stories or licenses to link. KPMG are good dialectical materialists, devoted to money over ideology, and boy did they figure out some wild ways to make money. For one thing, they figured out that they could get more accountants certified by cheating...on ethics exams:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-kpmg-cheating-scandal-was-much-more-widespread-than-originally-thought-2019-06-18

8/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

KPMG's top managers bribed regulators to give them the answer-sheets for ethics exams. What did they bribe those public employees with? Jobs at KPMG:

https://www.pogo.org/investigation/2020/01/how-accountants-took-washingtons-revolving-door-to-a-criminal-extreme

There's hardly a month that goes by without another KPMG scandal somewhere in the world, with enormous monetary and social fallout.

9/

pluralistic,
@pluralistic@mamot.fr avatar

During the lockdowns, #JustinTrudeau's #LiberalParty government outsourced the creation and maintenance of #ArriveCAN (a contact tracing app for people who entered Canada) to a grifter called #GCStrategies, who billed millions for their services. GC Strategies didn't do any work - instead, they paid KPMG $1,000-$1,500 day to hire freelancers to build the app. The app itself was a catastrophic failure.

10/

brunogirin,
@brunogirin@mastodon.me.uk avatar

@pluralistic the link to the UK Exchequer PDF returns a 404.

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