@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics I'm permanently exhausted, can't remember things, special interests no longer hold my attention. In honesty being AFAB I think menopause is making things a whole lot worse too.
On the plus side having a confirmation diagnosis means I'm learning to be kinder to myself.
@SynthAndStrings@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics I don't even know how many burnouts I had. I think getting older and having less energy and also consistent sobriety made it impossible to mask. which also led to my dx at 49. I add one stone to the previous comment on menopause. I just want to sleep all the time, sometimes no energy even for outrage.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics
Um... Yup.
I've been fortunate enough not to have the situation due to my priveledge, but for a lot of us, the causes of trauma or burnout are unavoidable.
I've been fortunate enough that if I have to deal with ableism or toxicity or bullies, or (other burn-out triggers) ... I could walk away an know I'll land on my feet. But even for me, that's f-ing HARD. I can't really imagine where I'd be if I wasn't confident enough in my own position in life to go away when I need to.
Money makes a huge difference. Being able to hire people to help with various tasks, without suffering shame. It allows you to be received as a loveable eccentric, instead of someone who is seen as a burden or 'failure' in this world.
Poor autistics are often left to fend for themselves, do it all alone without support from the people around them, or support is weaponized, & support you give to others is uncounted or devalued.
@theautisticcoach@BrianSeg@JoBlakely I think also if they're privileged enough to be genuinely super-bright in some respect then that can help find a niche. I think there is some truth to the stereotype of the academic with the extremely patient spouse.
@kacey@theautisticcoach@BrianSeg@JoBlakely I didn't say it always helped. I said that I suspect it can help just as being white or cis-male reduces negative prejudice but doesn't guarantee good outcomes.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics
I guess yes. I'm currently experiencing my third Burnout while I haven''t even fully recovered from the first one. Life is different since then and I can't get back to my potential before. It gets harder each time to function.
I got aware I might be autistic and tried to get a diagnose after my second burnout, but it was a traumatic experience, being rejected by the psychiater at an early stage.
Now I have a kid, so it's a completely new situaion that just adds up to everything. Had to get child welfare services involved as well, it's a huge mess currently. But hopefully people take it seriously this time with a diagnose. Might have to look into ADHD as well.
Very thankful this topic gets more attention currently and things change in research. I'm in my 30's. This would never have happened when I was a kid.
@AmberGreyheart@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics
you have my sincere compassion. I've been through this. Autistic burnout while raising a demanding autistic child and not getting any rest or space to breathe. It's a long distance game. I wish you all the radical selfcompassion in the world. Take your needs seriously. Prioritize them. Find out what they are. Take everything with a pinch of salt. There's a ton of sexism going on in the diagnostic world. And you'll be doing a ton of unpaid, invisible work on top of everything else. Respect yourself. Especially if nobody else will.💗 :ir:
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics
Yeah I figured this the past months, as I spent more and more hours reading forums etc. in search of help. It was always a huge deal for me to open up about this, esp. online, but I think I am finally past the overthinking stage.
@AmberGreyheart@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics
Hi Amb3R, artistic designers, creative people do think a lot consider, review, adapt.
And not just when hands on, the mind is continually exploring the environment in relationship to new ideas, even in your sleep.
Easy to get so tired, and with little feet running around it is double the mental energy plus the physical side of things.
When we get old, we settle in to a comfortable routine, as our bodies, slow down, for now you are go, go ,go.
This is just generally thinking, may not be your story 🤗
@retronautickz@theautisticcoach One factor is that the default everyone follows is to attempt to live a so-called 'normal' life, a pattern that's designed for neurotypicals (and often fails them too for all sorts of reasons). It is possible though difficult to find other ways of being.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics Unequivocally, yes. I think the most damaging everyday thing anyone can do to an autistic person is FORCE us to do things, and that's all society is set up to do. Force us to "behave", to work constantly or be financially dependent constantly...
Every autistic adult I know is in a constant state of some kind of traumatization and burnout. From the outside we'd be considered "successful", but at what cost?
@holyramenempire@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics Oh, yes. I have had to scale down my working life a little bit every year. This year a lot. I'm having a bit of anxiety about money, but I just can't work like I have worked before. I have almost no memories, other than work-related, from all of 2010's because it took all I had to keep going. I had no energy for anything else.
@holyramenempire@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics ditto this, @exme . three years post-dx, i've reconciled a lot and figure I've had three distinct (autistic) burnouts in the 15yrs one in 2009, one in 2014, one in 2019... which led to me seeking a dx.
2009 got me with a therapist for the first time
2014 was in some ways a response to how i responded to 2009.
2019 was in some ways a response to how i responded to 2014.
With four kids and no intergenerational wealth to fall back on, i worry about bills and income, but the focus on being happy, growing healthy relationships, builds far more stability than money can.
@aaronesilvers@holyramenempire@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics I have difficulties estimating if I've had burnouts because I've had such huge anxiety for years. But it has sometimes been worse, too. Like in 2017 when I cried every morning going to work. I just thought I need to handle it because "other people" seem to handle working, and I kept going far too long. I resigned that job a year later when I was already a completely not-functioning person. Last year I needed to take 2 months off because of total exhaustion and haven't been working full time since.
Sounds like last year you experienced another burnout that built up like a static discharge… pushing your own needs further and further down while the anxiety collects until it has to spill out… kinda.
The thing I wonder at this point, at least in my own case, is it even possible to make what might be called a full recovery from the burnouts caused by the demands this culture puts upon autistic people?
I mean, I've been trying to nurture myself along as best I can over the past year or so, but I wonder because oftentimes I still feel so broken and stressful events cause a lot of rumination.
@IzabelaKaramia@holyramenempire@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic@actuallyautistics once i realized that the feelings/arguments/whatever being recalled were more a "this is how where my mind goes to when i'm tired, hungry, (etc)” i got a lot more comfy with catching and releasing troublesome feelings, freeing my active/conscious thinking for everything else.
Figuring that out was key to breaking the burnout cycle for me
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