Way back in the dawn of time (2022), we had a local election in the London Borough of #Lewisham. I took to Twitter (which was the fashion at the time), to pillory the candidates. My tweets caused a bit of a ruckus. Ultimately, they got me name checked by the #DailyHate and a bunch of far-right websites.
Anyways, guess what time it is! That's right it's Lewisham mayoral election time! And that means I've read the manifestos so you don't have to.
So, first off, the tweet that caught the attention of the fash. I shared a photo of #MaureenMartin’s actual campaign leaflet, which stated that she would:
'cut through political correctness and state the truth that natural marriage between a man and a woman is the fundamental building block for a successful society, and the safest environment for raising children'.
So, like, she thought she could ban equal marriage in one random London borough?
Following the furore, Ms Martin’s employer had a little look see at her Twitter feed, where she was found sharing anti-LGBTQIA+ rhetoric, and promptly sacked her for ‘FAILING TO INFORM THEM OF HER INTENTION TO STAND FOR OFFICE’.
Anyways, that was 2022. Let’s see what this year brings.
Honestly… As Tory manifestos go, this is pretty inoffensive stuff. She’s local. She’s against crime and for affordable housing. She’s an international author … whatever the hell that means.
I dunno. What do you think? Should I dig a bit deeper?
And now, let's zero in on a couple of the other pledges.
Siama wants to build more social/affordable homes and combat crime. Two very worthy goals.
But…
Spoiler alert: This is going to be a recurring theme in this review. I like to call it, Oh yeah? #YouAndWhoseMoney? These are nice policies. But the only way a local mayor can implement them is with cash from the central government.
If you think a local mayor for a single inner London borough can implement these policies without funding, you're more deluded than I was that time I spent a week being pumped full of morphine and thought the bathroom door was talking to me.
Side note. Speaking of Lewisham and books and authors. I’ve written a few books about nice little old ladies in Lewisham who <ahem> take an active role in looking after their community.
First of all, what is it with LibDems and bad clipping paths? Why does his hair look like that? Did someone take a photo of him and crop it with safety scissors and physically paste it into this leaflet? What’s going on here? This is 2024 – there’s no excuse for such shoddy Photoshop work.
Chris is very angry that he has to do this. He didn’t ask to be standing for mayor. But, doggone it, Labour went and took a seat off the Tories and now he has to get out there and campaign for an election he has no hope of winning.
Come on, Chris. Cheer up! Labour took another seat off the Tories. That’s a good thing.
Funnily enough, he wants to build more social/affordable homes, promote sustainability, reduce crime, and improve education. Some very worthy goals.
But recurring theme I mentioned earlier? #YouAndWhoseMoney? These are nice policies. But the only way a local mayor can implement them is with cash from the central government.
Next up we have #JohnHamilton of the #WorkersPartyGB, a rebrand of the deeply problematic People Before Profit. The names sound so nice and cuddly, don't they?
Spoiler alert, these are some very dodgy people who, although they appear to have lofty aims, erm… Well, they're not very nice.
I'm not showing you his leaflet yet, because I want to set the scene a bit first.
My first encounter with John was in 2016 at a local Brexit debate. John was very pro-Brexit. If I recall correctly, his reasoning focused on immigrants. But what I definitely do remember was John telling Joe Dromey (son of Labour MPs Harriet Harman and Jack Dromey) that, unlike him, he was pro-union and pro-worker. It didn't go over well.
Now, let's have a look at John's priorities, shall we? He intends to:
If elected John will:
*Re-open ALL the libraries, community centres, youth clubs and under 5s playclubs
*Hire in-house workers to build new social housing
*Take school meals, parks maintenance and road-works back in-house
Remember me laughing at the Tory and LibDem candidates for making pledges they couldn't afford? Ha! And double ha!
Oh! But don't worry… He's got a plan for how he's going to pay for those grandiose plans. He does!
He's going to raise the millions and millions (and even more MILLIONS) of pounds needed by … erm … reneging on a bunch of maintenance contracts and sacking some consultants.
Okay, cool. Perhaps if a couple of toddlers add the contents of their piggbanks, that'll help too.
But I need to point out that these plans for how John intends to 'help' Lewisham are secondary to his real priority for Lewisham: Palestine.
I mean, look, seriously. I get it. Genocide is not okay. Fully agree with him there. But he's standing to be the mayor of a single London borough. This job focuses on the needs of the residents of Lewisham – a borough where a significant portion of the population lives in poverty.
Wait, what's that? Remember Siama and her weird statement that she's an 'international author'. Well, she just lost the prize for weird things to announce in your campaign leaflet.
John here admits (brags???) that he's been charged with (and I quote) 'incitement to cause racial or religious hatred'. That feels like a bold thing to announce in your campaign – but hey, it's working for Trump.
Now this is interesting. See, it is possible to mention Palestine in a local election leaflet without making yourself seem like a crank.
Although, I should point out that
a. the LibDems also exist (I know I sometimes forget that, but it's true); and
b. the word you're looking for is genocide
Back on the weird admissions front, coming in above the 'international author' thing but still well below the 'hate crime' thing, we have Mike's weird little confession here.
Let’s dig into this one. Strap in; this is going to be a wild ride.
First off, what is ‘natural marriage’, Maureen? Really? What is it? Define it, please.
Secondly, no one hates you. Get over yourself. We hate the hate you give. We have neither the time nor the energy to hate you. That’s on you. And I suspect you’ve got plenty.
Thirdly, Maureen was sacked for her behaviour and then ‘a year later she won an out-of-court settlement’.
This is going on the list of weird admissions. I’m going to rate it above the ‘international author’ thing, way below the ‘hate crime’ thing, and maybe slightly below the ‘I support a different party than the one I’m standing for’ thing.
I won ‘an out-of-court settlement’ isn’t vindication, Maureen.
@clacksee@FionaCraig I see England has its own home-grown equivalent of the Scottish Family Party! (A splinter off the barking fringe of UKIP: Wikipedia says: <When launched, the SFP said its "central goal" was to gain election to the Scottish Parliament and "to fill the void" left behind by the current parties and their abandoning of "Judeo-Christian-inspired values of traditional Western civilisation".> I think you can guess their policies pretty accurately from that ...)
@clacksee@FionaCraig You will be relieved to know that the SFP routinely get less than 0.1% of the vote in Scotland, and are trounced by the Monster Raving Loonies.
@cstross@FionaCraig
Maureen Martin has been routinely standing for the Lewisham East constituency (just to my constituency, Lewisham-Deptford). She routinely gets a couple hundred votes. Interestingly, the CPA candidate in Lewisham-Deptford is someone called Malcolm Martin, who's also the party president.
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