@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

rachaelspooky

@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol

32yo, fae/faer, transfem, nonbinary woman, lesbian, plural, adhd, anarchist, etc etc support palestine

^display name archive^
🐕🐾
battle damage purgatory hell world princess 🔋6️⃣0️⃣%
🌈 the queer you baited
🌎 nothing could measure the kind of strength within our hearts 🌍
📟 rachael Ver.FAE

i have a retrospring! ask me stuff! https://retrospring.net/@arboretum

i post a steadily increasing amount of nudes

partner of (and collared by) https://cyberpunk.lol/@raptorchildcreations
i date my headmates lol check out https://tech.lgbt/@hazelchomp

yeah im a lesbian but even more than women i 💖 nonbinary people, theres not really a good word for that lol

i can say i'm 5'10" and you can believe me if you like but i'm not

minors dni

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

rachaelspooky, to random
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

hey you people

i like vim but it also sucks

what's that alternate vim you all like. im trying to fight my avpd and im in a VERY SMALL WINDOW where i can install new software without having a breakdown over it

i think @puppygirlhornypost you were talking about one yes?

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost hell yeah once ableton is done installing ill check it out

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost ive never used any vim plugins, my immediate response is that if i use vim plugins no one will be my friend anymore but i have a feeling that's incorrect? you seem to be a fan of them

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost oh that sounds nice tbh. colors in vim are always like 50/50 if it tries to syntax highlight, most of the time it's just white no matter the terminal theme. theres a lot i would love to add, i will look through all that stuff. im not anti plugin im just terrified of rejection if i get caught :( but imma try

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost ugh, it's proving quite daunting on nixos. im gonna have to learn a lot about how some of the deeper things of nixos work in order to install plugins, as the documentation in the wiki is just... wrong

rachaelspooky, to random
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

i...

i need to code today

every day that goes by where i let my burnout continue to win, where i see all of you not only coding but thriving and doing really cool shit,

i feel a bit more worthless

and a bit more resentful

and i really dont want to live my life like that

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

my last job really hurt me. i love coding so much and i really miss it but every time i try to sit down and start a personal project, the fear creeps back in

and there are no open source projects i would be welcome to start contributing to (because trans) so i have no fucking idea what to do

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

this isnt like my usual avpd response to things this is ptsd

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost well my best are js and rust but i really am down for anything, a lot of the joy comes from the learning

but i have ideas too, it's when i get started and then i have to make minor planning decisions about it that i freeze up and start panicking

for a while now ive wanted to sit down and make a little tetris clone in rust but theres so much choice involved

and choices are when people always hurt me

"youre enjoying this too much, take this part out and do it plain" was a feedback i used to get, then i learned that enjoying work gets you in trouble

if i dont do everything 100% by the book everyone is going to be mad at me

if i could find some open source project to contribute to, then maybe the needs would all be laid out, like "fix this bug" or something, then there would be no room for joy or expression and no one would get mad at me

but i cant do that either because there are no open source projects that would allow trans people

idfk

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost my old boss is going to find me and yell at me if she finds out and make my life hell

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost this is all good advice but her face flashes in my head all the time when i think try to type code, telling me i should be working instead

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost there were all these times where we'd start a project, and i would have to connect to some third party thing or use some new protocol and id be like hold on, i need to learn about this and how it works, and she would be like no we cant take time for education breaks we need to make progress, get it running NOW and i would end up with all these shitty things that barely functioned and when there were issues shed come at me like why didnt you implement this right and all i could do was say sorry because shes right it's my fault for not taking the time to learn things properly, and i havent gone back to correct any of that knowledge because i know ill get in trouble

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost i would never treat anyone on my team like that of course, i know how evil it is

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost but i personally deserved it, i dont deserve to find joy in my work or any part of my life

rachaelspooky, to random
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

here ill subpost someone right now:

i appreciate you and the things you do c:

vantablack, to random
@vantablack@cyberpunk.lol avatar

what if i wrote a series of blog posts about my personal history with the fediverse and how it has changed my life for the better

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@vantablack python and pip work just fine on windows command line

vantablack, to random
@vantablack@cyberpunk.lol avatar

ugh need to figure out pharmacy shit

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@vantablack it explicitly is

vantablack, to random
@vantablack@cyberpunk.lol avatar

couldn't stop crying on the way home from the rave

getting harassed twice, and shit just generally sucking in my life, was bumming me out way too hard

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@vantablack bull fucking goddamn shit you arent

rachaelspooky, to random
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

sometimes im surprised i dont see more people from a really big trans discord i used to be in but then i remembered i despise most of them and forgot their names and also most of the members who made it to fedi would never admit to ever being there

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

or worse, theyd be on dot social

vantablack, to random
@vantablack@cyberpunk.lol avatar

SAW A DOGGO OMW TO THE BATHROOM

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@vantablack fuck that jerk

vantablack, to random
@vantablack@cyberpunk.lol avatar

went into the nearby convention center to use the bathroom since parks and rec hauled away the portapotty in the middle of the rave

used the gender neutral bathroom, some random guy walks in and sees me doing my makeup then freaks the fuck out and leaves and walks away laughing with his friends not even using the bathroom????? what

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@vantablack may he learn about traffic with his face

puppygirlhornypost, (edited ) to random
@puppygirlhornypost@transfem.social avatar

I’m linking the original post so that people can see what I mean by "parallel". My original poll is here https://transfem.social/notes/9tg0q2tex9t4026s what I have realized this is closely related to a question I’ve seen asked in trans spaces before. If you had the ability to be born again, you lose all your experiences of the world as the gender (the thought experiment can be expanded to other identities not just binary genders since this is a theoretical) you were born with… you suddenly are born into the world as your current gender identity, it is respected as one you are treated no different than being cisheterosexual Would you take the chance even if it means giving up on the experience of being trans, queer? It's worth noting that this hypothetical does not mean you are unable to participate in those spaces, but you would be considered an ally. Would you sacrifice who you currently are socially to live the life you were meant to live or would you rather continue living the life you are now even if that means it’s hard and you have to fight?

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

@puppygirlhornypost absolutely the hell not. this is so incredibly important to me, and i think being in the queer community has brought me to wonderful people, shown me so much of the best of the world, and made me a better person. i shudder to think how i would have turned out otherwise.

i am who i am because of the life i have led and the challenges ive faced and the people ive met. i would probably despise the alternate me of this hypothetical with every fiber of my being.

rachaelspooky, to random
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

im done giving people a chance on this. it's 2024. "oh i didnt know pepe was a hate symbol" what fucking rock do you live under. im not giving people the benefit of the doubt on not knowing its history anymore, those people are all either cryptofash or irrevocably poisoned with centrist brainrot to the point that knowing them is insufferable. back to my old block-on-sight policy.

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

if you would rather keep posting hate frog than stop making literally every other queer person uncomfortable, enjoy being lonely

rachaelspooky, to KindActions
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

:boostRequest: Help Needed, Housing In Danger for Two Transes, Two Dogs :boostRequest:

hey all.

i didnt hear back from even one job application in the last month. even after that post looking for openings that got nearly 700 boosts. this was basically my last chance. and i found nothing. and i can't afford rent.

it's two weeks out, but it will take me a while to raise $1300. and that's a number that lets other bills fall to the wayside, including credit card bills.

i physically cannot pack up all of my belongings in time if push comes to shove. i have a disabled spouse and two dogs who need a place, too.

i know it's a big number. i know we're all struggling. and isnt the only avenue i'm pursuing. but we need help. please help us stay safe.

venmo: $rachaelspooky

0/1300

rachaelspooky,
@rachaelspooky@cyberpunk.lol avatar

still 20/1300

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