natureon

@natureon@tech.lgbt

Queer 🏳️‍🌈 Bi 🩷💜💙 man (he/him/his). Thinker, naturalist 🌱, book enthusiast. Current grad student in Archival Studies. 僕は趣味で日本語を勉強しています。

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natureon,

@ator @actuallyautistic This has happened to me too. I’ve never been tested for autism but I’ve wondered myself…. Usually I just say “that’s wrong” to myself and I can dismiss it but there have been times where I’ve dwelled on why I thought what I did and I feel terrible.

natureon,

@ator @actuallyautistic I was happy to share 🙂 And want to say the same to you 🫶 You’re not alone.

One thing I read online is that thoughts are not real. Saying this to myself helps me sometimes.

natureon,

@ator @actuallyautistic I’m glad!😁

endali, (edited ) to random

I was suppressing my feelings and attraction to boys for almost my entire life. The environment I was growing up in and my upbringing made me act bigoted in many ways, something that I regret to this very day non-stop.

I feel like the self-realization ball started to roll when I joined the goth subculture. I remember having very gay thoughts that I consciously acknowledged at my first goth events around 2019. Since the goth subculture is also extremely queer, I got the chance to openly chat with many queer folk (and had the pleasure of [obliviously at the time] flirting online with a trans bi boy 😳 :heart_trans:​). I also met my lovely partner through a goth online community, who is bisexual herself and helped me understand and accept my feelings.🥰

But the moment when I fully broke through the ice in my mind and really accepted who I am was something old school - it was watching Rocky Horror for the first time.💗

Don't dream it - be it.:heart_bi:​​

natureon,

@endali Thank you for sharing your story, Kris 🫶

I also repressed my attraction to guys though I’ve known I was bi since I was 13/14. In public and around friends and family I denied it and ignored what I knew I liked in private.

Same as you, I really wish I had had queer teenage experiences…. It sucks that society has this effect on us queer people 😕

endali, to random

gay sex

natureon,

@endali 😏

endali, to random

If they do make a remaster of Crusader as well and I'll hear a remastered version of this song, I'll just melt from happiness :blobfoxmeltblush:​

https://youtu.be/MnDJOm1J_Vk

natureon,

@endali These games had such memorable soundtracks.

endali, to random

gah dwarf fortress keeps crashing

must be the combo of the mods and multithreading being turned on

guess its time to take a break again :blobcatnotlikethisgoogly:
i have to play baldurs gate 2 anyway

natureon,

@endali Have you played Baldur’s Gate 3 at all? I’m still waiting for the official release next month….

natureon,

@endali Oh I see. 🤔 I’m not sure about the future price but maybe I’ll just buy it soon just in case. I mean, I’m going to buy it no matter what, haha.

natureon, to random

Boy, did I have gay dreams last night…. 🤭

natureon,

@victor I wish I remembered more about the ahem fun one, but I do remember waking up and thinking “Well that was very gay” 😆

I also remember one of the dreams was a coming out dream, so that was interesting.

natureon,

@victor It’s something I think about occasionally, like how I’ll do it and so forth. I guess my mind just latched onto that last night.

natureon,

@victor This is what I love most about being here 🥹 people like you who are so supportive and just wonderful. Thank you for saying that 😊 I will be sure to reach out if I have anything on my mind.

endali, to random

Goobnight pals, i'm going to sleep now, I have to go to the office tomorrow 😩 I'm looking forward to posting all the queer art tomorrow though for my kupala night posting 💗

Sorry to sound like I'm abusing self promotion, but if you haven't, please check out my posts under the "kupalanight" hashtag, I've posted (and will keep posting) things about Slavic culture there 💗

natureon,

@endali Goodnight Kris 🙂 Sleep well!

As someone who has Slavic ancestry I really enjoyed reading your recent posts. No need to apologize!

endali, to random

I love pineapple on pizza. There, I said it. 😤 🍍 💗 🍕

natureon,

@endali I’ve only tried it once but I didn’t hate it. So I guess I like it??

endali, to random

Guess who just defended his thesis and finished college 😎

natureon,

@endali Congratulations!

endali, to random

just had a lil picnic in a nearby park :3 had coffee and some cake with my partner

natureon,

@endali Now that sounds quite lovely 😊

endali, (edited ) to random

It's insane how many things have changed completely upside down since when I was a child.

I was always told and raised that homosexuality is unnatural, and I went along with that, despite me being attracted to boys and not realizing it.

I used to think nail polish and makeup on boys was ugly, now I think it's an amazing thing and cannot get enough of it myself.

I was taught that there was a rigid, binary gender structure, and nowadays I sometimes completely forget about the entire concept.

While I'm happy that I've finally got over those things, I am still very ashamed of the things I've said and thought when I was younger, and even more of the opportunities and experiences I missed because of that.

They weren't lying when they said "when you are queer, you truly start living when a quarter of your life has passed".

If I ever have a kid, it will be my utmost duty to ensure they will never have to go through the same thing.

natureon,

@endali I will parrot what others have commented in that I too relate to your experiences/feelings.

The gender binary was taught hard. I was never allowed to engage with anything “girly”. Sexuality was rarely talked about but it was assumed and expected that I would only ever like the opposite sex.

I suppressed my attraction to boys super hard growing up. I certainly had internalized homophobia and in some ways am still working to fully rid myself of it today. Sometimes I have a voice of doubt in my head, doubting that I’m bi, but I’ve realized that this is just because of cultural conditioning and fear of the stigma.

I wish I could have been more aware and open and less socially anxious as a teen. I hate that I’m only just getting comfortable with who I am at 28 when I could have at 16. Heteronormativity sucks.

natureon,

@endali Thanks Kris 😊 I think you are a wonderful person.

endali, to random

I have not played CK3 in a while, when I have the energy I should play Princes of Darkness again :revblobfoxhyper: :ablobfoxbongohyper:

I can't believe that the best WoD game since Bloodlines is a fucking paradox strategy game mod

natureon,

@endali CK3 is really fun. I haven’t played for a few months but I’d like to try out the new expansion soon. Haven’t tried any mods yet either….

endali, to random

alright, done with the interview, hope it went well 🥴feel unsure about it

natureon,

@endali Good luck! 🙂

endali, to random

I kinda wonder what the next archaeological discovery is gonna be, and whether there will be any sort of archaeology boom anywhere on the scale of Egypt (minus the colonialism and looting I hope 😬 )

still fingers crossed that Iraq will become a more stable, livable place and we'll see more digs there

natureon,

@endali I think about this occasionally. It’s fascinating to think about what we still have not discovered.

natureon,

@endali Oh! That would be super interesting 🧐😄. As the “cradle of civilization” I’m sure the discoveries in that part of the world would be monumental.

endali, to random

Fedipals, could you suggest any good books on the following topics? :boost_requested:

  1. Geology (ideally stuff focusing on minerals/rocks) 💎
  2. Plants (trees/herbs/flowers) 🌿

I'm looking for some general primer literature that would help me broaden my knowledge within these areas - I feel like I know very little, and been wanting to learn more for a while :blobcat: 💗

natureon,

@endali “The Secret Life of Trees” by Colin Tudge and “Finding the Mother Tree” by Suzanne Simard are great books about trees and in the later case about plant-fungal interactions called mycorrhizal networks which I find fascinating.

endali, to random

Alright pals, took a shower and brushed my teethies, gonna snuggle my partner to sleep and go back to Katowice tomorrow :3

Goobnight friends :blobCatComfySoff:

natureon,

@endali Night night ☺️

endali, to random

No new boyfriends episodes since Halloween last year

It hurts, I need the gay 😭😭

natureon,

@endali Omg I need to start reading this.

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