I just reviewed Sloane Crosley's 'Grief is for People'. It's a wondrous ride through grief, what it is, what it's not, and how impossible it is to pin down.
A bereaved mother of twin girls, members of a Palestinian family killed following an Israeli airstrike, cradles their wrapped bodies outside the Al-Najjar hospital in Rafah
When a trans person comes out, one of the most common, and challenging, parts of doing so is responding to family members who say they need to grieve us. A lot of pain, on every side, tends to swirl around the members of a relationship when that happens.
But it's not necessarily--even commonly--a bad thing.
This week on #StainedGlassWoman, we're talking about Letting Them Let Go--when family members grieve us in transition.
Children crying following the death of Palestinians in Israeli strikes, at Abu Yousef Al-Najjar hospital in Rafah in the southern Gaza Strip, February 22. REUTERS/Ibraheem Abu Mustafa
We lost our GSD, Kaiser, to cancer on 11/30/2023. He was 13 years old. Our last large dog. It feels weird, not having a big fur baby around, but we're getting older & I'm unable to lift or hold onto a large breed anymore. A lifetime of Golden Retrievers and German Shepherds done.
So, if you see an older woman who coos and looks longingly at the big dog you're walking...that might be me. Or someone else like me. We'll be thinking "lucky you." ❤️
I helped co-facilitate a grief group yesterday for folks whose spouses/partners have died within the last year. It was a reminder for me of how a loss like that can redefine a person such that the only shorthand they have is with others who are going through it.
For those of you for whom today’s date is a reminder of a heart-shaped hole in your life—whether it is for a specific person or for a deep longing to be seen, loved, and nurtured—I’m thinking of you.
Think of all the best words you could say about someone and all of those words would have applied to Jonathan. All of them.
He was the most kind and gentle person I've ever met. And so funny! And just a joy to be around. I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone and no one ever said an unkind word about him.
"Peter’s parents, who do not speak English fluently, struggled to keep up with those conversations, or to take the kind of action that might have given them an outlet for their grief."
Are there any children of divorce who do not harbor some amount of guilt for not being clever enough, strong enough, or loveable enough to keep their parents together?
@markhburton Just been thinking about how Labour in its current state, and of course Starmer himself, are maybe the saddest and most depressing of all - just that there is no real hope, nothing to look forward to even if we #GTTO. Every time I see Corbyn now, saying the kind if things that need to be said, i just want to cry. There is some real #Grief and sadness for me; that I (stupidly) had some real hope before Dec 2019, and now I don’t.
I’m reading Joan Didion’s “The Year of Magical Thinking”, in which she describes appearing rational after her husband’s sudden death but privately expecting him to return. And I remember the first time that I lost someone that I was close to and the strangeness of navigating a world that simply went on as before. How could the sky still be cloudless? How could all of the other drivers on the road not know that a cataclysm had severed the timeline into “before” and “after”? I looked into strangers’ eyes, bewildered by their ignorance.
I have now lived more years in the “after” than the “before”. And while I still think of my friend often and the sadness does not disrupt me, my astonishment has grown and accreted the endurance of other losses (e.g., of a sense of safety, goodness, possibility, the physical ease of my body, the confidence that competence will overcome circumstance). And, of course, my burdens and survival are not unusual. The fact that any of us make it through and the sun comes up on schedule is damned impressive.
I have also come to recognize that this palpable sense of absence extends back to way before I could label the feeling. Like, in order to even come into this life, I had to give up something that I can’t quite remember but miss terribly.
Lee died peacefully in my arms today. Over the past few months she developed dementia and deteriorated quickly. It's brought back all those memories of my mom's dementia over the past year, her pain, confusion, anxiety. Her begging to go home and promising she'd be good and just stay in her room and only come out to make a little meal for herself. Her loss of dignity and pleasure. Her last horrific month when all she wanted to do was go and stopped eating, drinking, moving. I'm soaked in grief, just drenched in it. #dogsofmastodon#dementia#grief
Impact of social media and instant messaging apps on interpersonal relationships
My Perspective
Instant messaging apps like WhatsApp, Telegram Messenger, Signal Messenger etc. (primarily WhatsApp in India) do boost one to one connectivity among friends, acquaintances and family members. It also helps improve communication related to mostly once in a while transactional and sometimes friendly topics like family matters, medical, school and college education, fun side of personal life through photos and videos. Jokes and memes, through forwards, add spices to one to one communication. Group chats and social media like Facebook and Twitter strongly influences one to one communication through instant messengers.
There is another side of instant messaging i.e. the not so nice aspects. Dopamine is a brain chemical that plays a vital role in mood regulation of human beings. It seems that entire society is driven by the feel good factor due to constant availability of cheap dopamine through group chats and social media. Unless it is transactional or related to business, most one to one chats survive as long as the recipients gets positive social stimulus and dopamine influx. It doesn’t matter if something is good or healthy for us, as long as we get that quick dopamine fix.
From my experience of chatting since the days of Yahoo! Chat, I see that loss of reward stimuli and dopamine activity lead to one or both the recipients disengage at the slightest pretext. Read receipts, online status, last seen status etc. further add to anxiety and feeling unimportant or betrayed. There is lack of patience and empathy. Sharing contrarian or critical views, on matters connected to society and politics, often cause functional impairment and getting ignored or blocked.
The day before yesterday, I learned that a neighbour we had known for nearly seven years had passed away. We were not in touch for the last many years. I did think about him a few times during these years and wanted, at least, to send a text message and inquire about his well being. It never happened.
Now the fact that I can never contact him has left an unexplained void in my mind. And also a tinge of lasting regret.
There are many people with whom I should be in touch but this does not happen. I keep thinking if this is the result of a traffic-infested, hectic city life with a terrible work-life balance, my own negligence, or the present impact of social media and instant messaging apps on our lives and societies.
I have lost those days and times when I used to meet people just to spend some time together with no business or vested interests..