pathfinder

@pathfinder@cutie.city

Formally pathfinder@Universeodon.com
58 years old (still and possibly now forever) autistic and into animism, spiritualism, philosophy and everything that can help explain the meaning of life, the universe and everything, including the prospect that it might really be 42.
Male he/him
#autism
#actuallyautistic
#neurodiversity

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

snowmanghost, to random

Although my arrival to the Fediverse was during one of the Twitter migrations of last year and was entirely due to the chatter about the place at that time, I didn't actually come from Twitter.

Like I had an account once, but I closed it in 2013-14? because I already hadn't been using it for several years.

Mastodon was probably my first real experience with this sort of public-feed-based social media which probably sounds really weird.

pathfinder,

@snowmanghost
Not to me. Exactly the same. Absolutely no experience of this sort of social media site at all, just reading blogs and learning that way. But realising that I'd reached the point where I really needed to talk with other autistic's and chose this place because of the chatter about it I saw last November.

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I made a little folder in my shop email for all the nice emails from customers. I read them all and had a good cry.

There were SO many people trashing my store (and me) for selling and marketing to autistic people.

My first year, I felt guilty making a fair profit and charged so little as a result that my store profited $200 in 2022. But realized this year I deserve to be paid for the thousands of hours, and thousands of dollars, I’ve dedicated to my business.

Guess it just hit a soft spot.

pathfinder,

@ashleyspencer @ReimanSaara
Unfortunately when dealing with the public, even advertising to them, there will always be those who just seem to take some perverse pleasure in being as nasty and akward as possible. That little folder is a good idea. Hopefully it will remind you of all the good you're doing and all those who are grateful for it and for you.

jessica, to random

Just spent the past two hours scrubbing away black mould. My arms feel like they're going to fall off :blobfox_dizzy:

pathfinder,

@jessica
And I bet you fancy chips now.

nuz, (edited ) to random

are sunflower seeds supposed to taste and feel like wood splinters, or is this because i bought the super duper cheap ones? :neofox_not_like_this_derp:​

pathfinder,

@nuz @jaden
Life is learning. Even if what you've learnt is never do it again.

pathfinder,

@MelsGarden @nuz
It was easy, make the leap.:bear_flowers:​

pathfinder, to Autism

@actuallyautistic
As I continue my quest to understand and drop so much of the masking I have been doing for so long, I have come to understand something I've been kind of aware of for awhile. That whilst I have never cared about what strangers might think of me, in fact I've always considered this to be somewhat of a strength, I've also always been hyper-aware of how I might be being perceived. This, I now realise, is not the contradiction it seems. My not really caring is just my way of seeing the world. That how others see me is just their view. That it doesn't necessarily reflect me and that unless it's coming from someone I care about or respect, it's unlikely to affect me. If somebody doesn't like the colour of my hair, or the clothes I'm wearing, for example, well that's just their choice and nothing to do with me.
Constantly thinking about and trying to be aware of how others might be perceiving me though, was I now realise always about keeping myself safe. Not in the particulars but the overall. Is my mask (as I now know it to be) slipping, am I being too me, standing out, being too different. Because none of that had ever gone well for me. To give even a simply example, I literally can't even begin to count how many times complete strangers have called me rude to my face, simply because of my tendency not to speak much. And these sort attacks against my fundamental autistic self were always the ones that hurt. Because before I realised I was autistic I had no defence against them. No way of explaining, even to myself, why simply being me should offend them so and also why that shouldn't matter to me. Not on the personal level, any more than any other comment, but only on the "god, what an ableist git" level. But you can't get to that level unless you know it exists and you can't know it exists until you know why you're different. And that took me over 53 years, which is why I'm only just realising this stuff now.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I have this concern of, what if I go through these certifications and then get rejected by jobs. It could be because of my business and/or autistic.

Many companies don't want you to have businesses and make you shut them down to work there, and that will never happen. I was told last year in an interview I wouldn't have time for their job having a store.

And NTs have weird perceptions of autistic people, so what if they think of me negatively because there's autistic all over my resume.

pathfinder,

@ashleyspencer
For the, perhaps, many who might have these reactions. There will always be those who see these things as the positives they are. More and more companies are realising the value of actively recruiting autistics.

devxvda, to random

deleted_by_author

    •
    pathfinder,

    @devxvda
    Therein lies the rub. For me losing weight slowly through lifestyle changes that you stick with have always been the key.

    pathfinder,

    @devxvda
    That's really good. I'm also probably the only person I know to lose weight during the lockdowns. Mostly by simply drinking far less alcohol. By nolonger going to the pub, lockdowns broke me of the habit, I've probably lost about another 8kg since.

    ashleyspencer, to random
    @ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

    I didn’t know it was possible to scale my business until this month! It’s unreal. I’ve become super obsessed like HOW CAN I MAKE THIS MY FULL TIME JOB. I’m low maintenance and live inexpensively. I’d love nothing more than to work on it 24/7 and never have to divide my time and focus.

    My profit margins are low, and I’m still a relatively unknown store. But the more well known it becomes, the better I will do.

    There are so many things I could do! Like start a YouTube channel and write more.

    pathfinder,

    @ashleyspencer
    And burn yourself out if you're not careful. But then knowing this is half the battle of avoiding it. So it sounds good. Hard work, but more than hopeful. 👍​:bear_hugs:​

    pathfinder,

    @ashleyspencer
    If any one can, you will.

    jessica, (edited ) to random

    Those #ActuallyAutistic, do you walk on your tip toes?

    pathfinder,

    @jessica
    More so in the past, but still climbing stairs.

    Private
    pathfinder,

    @james @actuallyautistic
    We also have a tendency to laugh at odd times because we've just been prompted to remember something funny from ages ago and it's just as funny remembering it.

    pathfinder, to random

    Currently enjoying playing "spot the american" by whose justly complaining about the , devil spawned instruments of chaos, hell being let loose and demonic nightmarish tortures to inflict upon the world, otherwise know as fireworks.
    Meanwhile you can tell it's summer in the UK by the fact that my duvet has had to go back on my bed. 😂​

    pathfinder,

    @wakame
    Lol 😂​ Indeed.

    Private
    pathfinder,

    @rekindled @actuallyautistic
    As someone who could oh so easily become a hoarder I try to de-clutter regularly. It was on my last one that I discovered the binbag full of odds and ends that had sat in a corner since I moved here, like 20 odd years ago.

    Private
    pathfinder,

    @LeatherCubAndrew @actuallyautistic
    Very much that, indeed I agree. But the game of pandering to the popular, was one I never could bring myself to play, even when I noticed it at all. But I also felt that there were times when other factors were at work that I couldn't detect. The secret code, I was talking about.

    pathfinder,

    @LeatherCubAndrew @actuallyautistic
    Yes, but also at times more personal. Almost like if I'm kind to x it will annoy y, as well as those times when it seemed genuine. Although to be honest I struggle to see the difference between their social sympathising and perhaps something more genuine. Perhaps because for them there isn't one.

    pathfinder,

    @LeatherCubAndrew @actuallyautistic
    Probably, so much, if not all, of what they do seems to rely on ulterior motive to some extent or other.

    pathfinder,

    @Claire @actuallyautistic
    A my age I don't think I'll ever be done with unpacking my internalized ableism or indeed discovering new things about myself. But learning to define boundaries and minimum expectations of others is definitely high on my list too.

    pathfinder,

    @BZBrainz
    It was the nature of the times. Pre-internet and with whatever knowledge of autism out there, being the worst sort of knowledge that there could be. In a sense what chance did we have , or at least those of us who could mask and hide from an early age? There was no-where we could see ourselves, or even realise that what we were going through wasn't unique or even just ever more evidence of just how broken and wrong we were. Because how else could we think of ourselves?

    pathfinder,

    @JoBlakely @LeatherCubAndrew @actuallyautistic
    Indeed, exactly the same.

    pathfinder, to random

    Ok new instance and so new, oh yes that right I never did an old intro, so an intro, since it's traditional.
    I'm knocking on the door of 59 years old and autistic and mastodon is my first and only experience of social media. Having been on here now for just over 6 months I can't understate how great it's been. Overwhelmingly I've found it supportive and kind. Which I'm gathering from those coming from other places, isn't always the case. So let's hope this continues. I tend to concentrate mostly on autistic matters, certainly in my posting. But will boost freely anything I feel maybe of interest to others. So you have been warning. Also I can be quite verbose and now have access to a massive character limit and so there will no stopping me now, no stopping me at all, not with this power. Also I have a weird sense of humour. so, hi.

    pathfinder,

    @MariaTheMartian
    Currently 8000, but that could be subject to change on our glorious leader's whim.

    pathfinder,

    @MariaTheMartian
    Unfortunately for you mere mortals, I fear yes. So much POWER.

    devxvda, to random

    You might recall, fadó fadó¹, of my quest to hit a 32 inch waist as part of my weight loss journey.

    I think I've hit it. I'll need to confirm with a pair of jeans the same as I'm currently wearing.

    If I am officially a 32 inch waist, the next step is going down from a large to medium shirt size.

    I'm tentatively over the moon!
    __
    ¹ Irish for long long ago.

    pathfinder,

    @devxvda
    Yeah! 🎉

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