Dealing with #jealousy in #polyamory can be hard. Jealousy is an insidious feeling that burrows inside us, cutting us off from the happiness of seeing our partner sleeping with, dating, or falling in love with someone new. We might be objectively happy with the idea, but the heart often refuses to listen to the brain in matters of love.
So what’s the trick? How do we go about combatting that nasty feeling that holds us back from experiencing the joys of compersion?
OKCupid always asks this question "Is #jealousy in a #relationship healthy?" and after 15 years (😂) of thinking about it, I think I have an answer. Yes, a little bit is actually a good thing, but not too much. A little bit keeps the other person on their toes, but too much means that either someone is crossing boundaries or someone has absurd boundaries (i.e. anxiety.)
"I'm just a jealous person. I couldn't ever handle #polyamory because #jealousy is part of me."
Jealousy is not a feeling or a personality trait. It is an underlying symptom of another unmet need. Most people take it as its own thing and don't explore it further, and that's what causes it to be so powerful and toxic.
But if you find the root of it (e.g. a feeling of possession of your partner(s), a fear of abandonment, a desire to be a higher priority in someone's life…) and work on that part of yourself, you tend to find yourself a lot happier as a result.